I Love Niggas
















I know you guys are sick of my jokes, but where is the sense of your racism? Talking about double standards, it is okie to be black and crack nigga jokes but it isn’t when you are not. But that is going to change. Me is going to take it back and put up as much nigga joke that is known to me. Don’t like it? Why don’t you hang on by a rope on a tree or chain me and dump me into the sea…fufufufufu, that rhymes isn’t it, I might be some nigga blood in me and I am trying to get in touch with the inner nigga in me.


Why Whites hate Niggers..

A little niglet put some flour on his face and when his mother came home he said, "Look Momma, I is a White boy!" She slapped him and sent him to his room. When his father came home he came running out and said, "Look Daddy, I is a White boy!" His father slapped him and sent him to his room. Finally the boy's grandmother came home and the boy thought for sure that she wouldn't be so mean, so he ran out and said, "Hey, I is a White boy!" When his grandmother also slapped his face, the boy shouted, "I has only been White for 15 minutes and I already hate you damn niggers!"



What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.

Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in war?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!" the niggers would jump up and start dancing

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."

What did the nigger say when he slid down the zebra?
Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't.

How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

Why don't niggers like blowjobs?
They don't like any jobs.

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do you call 10 niggers in a steam room?
Gorilla in the Mist

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

Why don't nigger kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

What's the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?
The bag

What do you call a nigger priest?
Holy shit.


Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
KFC isn't open on holidays.

What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.


Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

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What do nigger kids get for Christmas? Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What's the most confusing day for a nigger?
Father's Day.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
Nigger.

What do you call a nigger in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What do you do if you run over a nigger?
Reverse.

Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!

What's the difference between a pothole and a nigger?
You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you?

What do you call a nigger after his white girlfriend breaks up with him? Homeless.

What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 15?
Gifted.

Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
It's called Nacho Mama.

What's the first thing taught in a nigger driving school?
How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.

What do you call a nigger hitchiker?
Stranded.


**Commercial Break…we interrupt this for some important messages**

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
He heard boys' pants were half-off.

Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect "10"?

Two 5 year olds.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.

After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be OK to have sex again.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old.

**End of commercial break**


A man goes into a shop and sees 3 jars on a table. The first jar says "Caucasian Brains, $5.00 a pint". The second says "Asian Brains, $10.00 a pint", and the third says " Nigger Brains, $100.00 a pint.""Hey, why are these nigger brains $100 bucks a pint?" asked the man.The shop owner replied, "You know how many niggers you have to kill to get a whole pint of brains?"

A young nigger walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm tired of handouts, I want a job."The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big white Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year."The nigger said, "Ah c'mon, you're bullshitting me!"The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"

A spic walks into a bar and says, "Hey, nigger, give me a drink." The nigger bartender says, "I'll give you a drink, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to me as a "nigger." "Oh man!, I am sure sorry about that bro'. Won't happen again." A few minutes later the spic says, "Hey moon crickett, another round." The nigger says,"Hey, look, I really don't want you calling me "moon crickett" either." The spic says,"Sorry bootlips, I didn't mean anything by it." The bartender says, "OK that's it! How would you like it if you were the bartender and I came in here calling you names?" "I don't know, let's find out." So the spic puts o

n an apron and goes behind the bar and the nigger walks outside and comes back in and shouts, "Hey wetback! I want a fucking drink!" The "bartender" stops washing glasses and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't serve niggers in here."

A nigger walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. Bartender says, "Hey, cool, where did you get that?" Duck says, "Africa, they are all over the fucking place."

There is this rich Texas rancher who has a 100 meter long swimming pool with a shark in it. He has always said if anyone could swim from one end to the other without being eaten, he would give them either his daughter or his ranch. Well, his beautiful daughter had gone off to art school in New York and brought a nigger classmate home to one of her Dad's big barbeques. Of course, everyone is talking about how fucked up it is that the rancher's daughter brought a nigger there, when all of a sudden there was a huge splash. Everyone looked, and it was the nigger swimming his black ass off with the shark hot on his trail. At the other end of the pool the nigger threw himself out of the water and lay gasping and panting on the ground.

The rancher came up and said, "Well, shit. I am a man of my word, so do you want my ranch or my daughter?" The nigger said, " Neither, I just want to know who pushed me into the pool."


It was the Summer of 1968 and a nigger showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter comes out and says, "Uh, is there something I can do for you? I mean, we don't let niggers in here." "I know," said the nigger, "It's just that, I am from Alabama, and I grew up around White folks, and I like White folks, and I even married a White woman, so I thought maybe I c

ould get in." Peter said, "Wait, you say you married a White woman in Alabama? When the hell was this?" The nigger looks at his watch and says, "Oh, about 10 minutes ago."

A black nun and a White nun are walking through Central Park at night when 2 niggers jump out and start raping them. The white nun prayed out loud, "Oh, forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do." The black nun exclaims, "Mine sure do!"


So a nigger gets a job digging telephone pole holes and at the end of the day the foreman comes by to see how many he had gotten done. "One, boss," he replied. "One! Hell everybody else can dig 15 holes a day!" "Yeah, sure, but they way they dig them, look how much of the telephone pole is still sticking out of the ground!"

A White man and a nigger are walking through the jungle when a lion jumps out to attack them. The White man throws a handful of sand in the lion's face and climbs up a tree real quick, and says to the nigger, who is still standing on the ground, "Hey, you better get your black ass up in this tree!" "Why?," said the spook, "I didn't throw sand in his face."

The F.B.I. sends an agent to South Africa to learn how the police there stop riots. The South African Police General takes him to a township disturbance where the police fire tear gas grenades at the niger mob. The mob runs away a few blocks, regroups, and comes rushing back at the police. Then the cops open up on them with powerful fire

hoses, sending the rioters spinning down the street like soccer balls. They regroup and come charging back again, only to be met with squads of German Shepherd attack dogs. They bite those niggers so full of holes that they run like hell and don't come back. "Very impressive," says the F.B.I. agent, "But let me ask you; since the dogs we

re so effective, why not just use them first?" "Ah, you don't understand," said the Police general, "The niggers down here smell so bad, first we have to fumigate them and rinse them off before our dogs will touch them."

A guy walks into a bar and exclaims, "Goddamn, niggers are fucking assholes!" Someone at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I am offended by that!" "Why, you aren't a nigger." "I know, I'm a fucking asshole!"

A nigger finds a magic lamp and rubs it and when the genie pops out he told her he wanted to be "Tight, White, and outta sight!" So she turned him into a Tampon.

Two niggers walking down the street see a sign that says, "Turn White for $15." The two groids turn their pockets inside out only to discover that one has a 20 dollar bill and the other one has a 10 dollar bill. Since neither one of them has exactly $15, they can't figure out how they can both get turned White.....Finally one of them has a stroke of genius. "You ta

ke $20 and go in there and get turned White, then when you come out you can give me your $5 change and then I will have $15 and I can get turned white, too!" "Bet, dog," says the other bootlip, and he goes inside. 10 minutes later, you wouldn't believe it. That nigger was blond haired, blue eyed, and even had on a suit and a tie. The first nigger says, "Man, holy shit, I can't believe it, you are really White! Hurry up and give me that $5 so I can do it too!" "Fuck you, nigger, get a job!"

A nigger finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. When he sees the nigger he says, "Oh, shit. What do you want?" The nigger says, "I want a bridge from America to Africa made out of pure gold." The genie says, "Are you fucking crazy? You know how much gold that would take? That is impossible. Pick something else." So the nigger says, "OK, I want all the little nigger children to be just as smart and good looking as the White children." The genie says, "OK, so that bridge, you want it to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"

*****

Nigger application form

NIGGER APPLICATION FORM
(photo not required since you all look alike anyway)

1) Date___/___/___

2) Address __________________________
3) If living in auto, give make ,model & liscense #
___________________________________

4)Name of mother _____________________________
5)Name of fatha (if known)_____________________________
6)Name of auto : CADILLAC :____ - IMPERIAL :_____ LINCOLN :____
CONTINENTAL:____ - OTHER :____________
6.2) is your car : FINANCED :_______ or STOLEN :______
6.3) If financed what is repossesion date ?_____/____/____
7) Marital status: Common law :__________ Pimp :________
Shack up :__________ Other :________
8) Approximate estimation of income THEFT:______________
RELIEF:______________
(if you do not know how - WELFARE:_______
_______
to add then steal a - UNEMPLOYMENT:______________
calculator ) TOTAL:______________


9) Place of birth: CHARITY HOSPITAL:_______________
FREE PUBLIC HOSPITAL:______________
BACK ALLEY:__________ ZOO:______________
COTTON PATCH:_____________ OTHER______________
10) How many words do you jive a minute?_______________

11) Check machines you can operate: CROW BAR:()
PINBALL MACHINE:()
STRAIGHT RAZOR:()

RECORD PLAYER:()
RUBBER MACHINE:()
OTHER (Please specify)_______________

12) Check foods that you like best: BBQ:() FRIED CHICKEN:() CARP:() COON:()
MUSKRAT:() WATERMELON:() ALL OF ABOVE:()

13) Check Illnesses you have had in the last year: MEASELS:() MUMPS:() V.D:()
FOOD STAMP POISON:() OTHER (Please specify)_________________________


14) Abilities: GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE:() EVANGELIST:() DEMONSTRATION LEADER:()
V.D. SPREADER:()
RAPIST:() UNEMPLOYMENT BUREAU WORKER:() USED HUBCAP
SALESMAN:() WATERBED DEMONSTRATOR:() WELFARE RECEIVER:() OTHER:(Please
explain)_______________________

15) How many kids do you have?: 1st Wife:___ 2nd Wife:___ 3rd Wife:___
Neighbor's Wife:___ Shack-ups:___

16) In 50 words or less, explain your desires in life (other than a white

girl...)
_______________________


*****

Ok, since home boy been back in da hood, ma ass been itching to cook some soul food. And what is the single most non-sense thing that you have in da house after Chinese New Year and no it is not your empty Ang Pow paper. Yeah bitch, you got me, it is the

mother fucking mandarin oranges. Beside eating Ketucky Fucking Chicken, we niggas got flavor and today I am going to show you how make some soul food. While the Malays can fried bananas, nangka and shit. Ma black ass is going to show you how to fried some mother fucking mandarin oranges…


Nigga's Fried Mandarin Oranges

What you need:
Peeled Mandarin Oranges
One egg
Icing sugar
Heavy syrup (any kind you like)

Coating:
Flour
Custard flour
Black sesame
Brown sugar
Bread crumb

Mix the coating ingredient well. Beat an egg and dump the mandarin oranges in the egg and then coat it with the mixture. Deep fry until golden brown. Pour some heavy syrup on a plate and then placed the fired mandarin on the top it. Sprinkle some icing sugar on top and then garnish with some lemon grass leaf. Hope you will enjoy making it with your left over Mandarin oranges.





Word to yo Mama..Peace out


CAN YOU GUEST WHAT IS THIS?

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That is the last thing a nigga sees after he is thrown into a well




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