Aria the Barf Machine

In my iPod: Stiff Upper Lip - AC/DC
[download]
State of mind: Sober
Location: Bangalore, India

I woke up from sleeping on the couch because I have an Indian beauty sleeping on my bed. As much as I wanna imagine her sleeping in sexy lingerie or just her birthday suit, I am sorry that isn’t the case. So right about now, you are going to say that I am a butt fucking homo. But if you have read my previous post, you would have know why I didn’t fuck her like all you pseudo straight vagina filled mindless sex mongers would usually do, I was merely thinking out of my dick. The sex principle of lais sez faire doesn’t fucking apply to drunk person, and to affirm my action of not shoving my penis up her, I think any sane man would not have done it after you have seen the puke machine puke her fucking guts out. I was fucking there to carry her to the bath room, shove her face into the toilet and hold her hair up as she fucking vomits all that what was left of dinner. Oh yes, I was there when she had her dinner and I was there to see the dinner in reverse. She puke so much that I think she must have filled a toilet bowl.

So this has fucking turned out to be a great holiday huh? After doing the exact act of taking Aria out for the puke several times, I fell asleep on the fucking couch. Alright fine, I am not saying that I am that gentlemen but after seeing all that nasty things that were coming out of her mouth, she better get a nice bath or you’ll have to fucking shoot me if you wanna make me sleep on the same bed with her.

But my ordeal hasn’t ended yet, nothing beats the fucking cramp I had on my right leg, making my leap 50 feet high as I scream myself awake. Fuck man, it’s been so long since I had a cramp and I forgot how insanely painful it fucking felt. It left me sore in the legs like a virgin pussy sore whose cherry got popped by a John Wayne with a huge dick.

Aria woke up with all her clothes still on and found me lying on the couch and it did made me look good. But if she was expecting some good night humping, it wasn’t, but I think no one expects to get fuck when you are drunk right? So I was all good. She left that morning with the sweetest smile on her face and leaving me with the shittiest stench in the bathroom that I had to call housekeeping and went out for a late morning stroll around town.

At night, Aria the barf-a-nator came by to ask me out for Chai and we did some Chai in a fairly rundown yet traditional tea adobe. But the fucking Chai that they serve was fucking incredible. Aria wanted to thank me for taking care of her last night and also to say goodbye because she was heading back to Delhi for her brother’s wedding. I guess I might not see her again. The night ended with a hug that comes with a peck on my cheek and no carnal knowledge.

So I am sorry penis; looks like there’s not going to be Indian on your menu after all.

p.s. you know staying in a hotel like this does have its perk. Wifi! Wifi! That is why you see me updating my blog more often. I have decided to go to Facebook rehab but it turns out that I just turned into a Twit-junkie instead. Been twittering 24/7 and look what creepy stuff you can get from Twitter…

Damn, I thought she was blast to smithereens

p.s.s …and this marks my 525^th post and 3^rd year blogging, yayy!

p.s.s.s since I am on facebook rehab, all my pictures in India will be uploaded at real time, here:

7/6 Night Chai with Aria http://yfrog.com/5f10yj

7/6 Junk Food Heaven http://yfrog.com/6qcgej

8/7 They worship King Kong http://yfrog.com/bhjp8j

xniquet's journey across India

This Bitch is Protecting his Hymen

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In my iPod: Cocky - Kid Rock
[download]
State of mind: Celibate
Location: Bangalore, India

Bangalore is known to many as the city of garden because of the natural garden surrounding it but get real, you think I would give a fuck if it has the royal park here? That is why I have never like vegetable, leaves and insect shit ain't my fucking interest. But somehow, I can really get the hang of this city because another name for Bangalore is “The Pub City of India”. Because this is where all the clubs and night activities centers, hot and not to mentioned soon to be drunk chic congregate. To be frank, I ain't a party animal and I ain't a fan of clubbing; I hate smoke and I hate smokers even more. But being here and in the company of a local beauty – Aria; Yeah I wouldn't mind smelling like smoke for one night.

I met Aria while I was at the coffee house; she was the nicest piece of ass I have seen thus far in India. So I gathered my balls, walked up to her and started a conversation. I don't really do that when I am back but when you are in a foreign country, you don't really have to worry about shitting in your own cereal bowl. You don't have to worry about getting your reputation or ego tarnished. And there is no “out of your league” rule here, you can fucking aim as high as the sky. With a butt fucking ugly face like mine, I can easily go up to a girl who has a face of a seraph and it doesn't fucking matter. I know the road to getting date with a fucking face like mine is always paved with rejection but I think it was my lucky day. After my brief introduction and a little “How Ya Doing? “charm (courtesy of Joey Tribbiani), we kinda hit off and before long, we were going out tonight. (Okay, we did have some awkward moments but I think telling her that I come from a far, faraway land sort of brought me back into her grace again)

I am not really sure how sensitive the people here are but just to be on the safe side, I decided to ditch the offensive Tee which says “STOP ABORTION, KILL THE SLUT” tee and wore something a little less loud. So Aria who was from Delhi but works in an IT firm here (FYI there are about 10,000 IT hubs in this fucking city itself), came to my hotel and we had dinner at the Graze which was the hotel's Dinning hall. I have nothing nice to say about the fucking food there because I don't like Australian style,no not that I don't like Australian at all. Yes, I am fucking racist. Anyway, the best thing about Graze is that it has an insane collection of wine and alcohol that would probably get me drunk on the spot. But having the pub crawling agenda, we decided not to have so much to drink but to save it for later.

Graze @ Taj Residency

Our first stop was Mojo, one of the better known pubs in Bangalore. I mean it was nice, less smoke, the songs are not that fucking load and the booze was there and that is all that matters. We drank till we got a little tipsy and then move to the next bar - Styx which was my kind of bar. But it was cool because damn the bitches there were so damn fine and they played my type of music all night long - Hard Rock. I thought Aria was hot but coming here made me realized that I was with the tip of the ice berg. You can get a hard on just by smelling them fine ladies there. But that doesn't matter 'cause there is nothing a little alcohol can't fix. By the time the alcohol almost hit my brains, Aria was already looking like Miss Universe.

Self explanatory

Wall art inside Mojo

Hot curry babes

We sorta just stick to Styx because I guess we were already having too much fun drinking and getting acquired with the physical part of our bodies in there. But eventually, all good things have to come to an end. And by God, Aria is a worse hit stoner than I am; that is why she is sleeping in my bed right now. That piece of sweet ass is lying on my soft bed, and I can see her boobies move up and down underneath her thin low cut dress. It was like KFC served to me in a bucket. God damnit! How could she be so fine.

But I can fucking assure you that there is no fornication there...

The reason being:

• I don't fuck someone who is drunk when I am not drunk; to me that is consider rape. Unless I am drunk too then that would be a different case.

• I don't think I wanna hook up with a local here, but if she is a tourist too, who the fuck cares? But a local? Hell no. I don't wanna be waking up next morning, where I will be forced to wear a cute little outfit then put on an elephant parading through town to attend a shot gun wedding?

• I realized that I am pretty close to the Middle East where they punish anyone and everyone who commits crime by amputation right? They fucking cut off the part which commits the fucking sin right? Right? Right? Right?

• Lastly, I am suppose to be like in mourning and I don't think I could bring myself to do something that would make me feel not good and disrespectful of the memory of the one I mourned for.

Dreamy Aria

So yeah, this is me sitting in a corner like a bitch protecting his hymen , keeping away from the bed, blogging and reminding myself not to let my fucking dick do the thinking. I have the fucking internet, my notebook and 5 seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. to keep my penis from moving too close to the bed. I can always login MSN to chat with some friends of mine who stays in the monastery but wait there no one online right now. It's only 2 am here and 5am in Malaysia. Where the fucks are my friends when I fucking need them? Oh well, there is always the cold shower, if I really need one.

xniquet's journey across India