Confessed Crush

In my iPod: Little by Little - Oasis
State of mind: Comfortably Restless
Location: Methodist Beach Bay

This is my televised secret: I often sometimes am doubtingly convinced that this steel wool heart of mine would never again fall as a preying victim of a confessed crush. But somehow this bountifully deprived feeling of loathing fondness for her is like a placid storm that conjures a fiery blizzard in the very core of me.

You could say that the complex simplicity and dormant violent tendency as bloggers has divided-ly unite the both of us, so much so I'm beginning to believe that maybe the two of us alone together are mis-matchingly compatible for each other and the thought of it slits a smile on my face and fills my entrails with flip-flopping butterflies.

So here I am, not searching for a resolution but just thoughts, thinking all that might have been if we were meant to be and it leaves a pleasant scorge of the sweetest daydream and a taste of what heaven could be.

But as reality sets in and once again I take my place in this great below, I know that I was never cut out for a fairy-tale life of happy endings because my life is an ongoing horror flick with a morbid ending and she deserves so much more than this. So I‘ll keep this beautiful pain locked up deep inside of me; as a reminder that even this broken down washed out soul can still remember how love and affection really feels like.

P.S. I think God woke up on the wrong side of his bed when he made me because I have been suffering from chronic insomnia which gave me only 2 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours (it ain't that bad yet, my best time was 72 hours). Now I'm feeling flustered and torn down almost level with the ground. No matter what the fuck I do, like if I try to lie down, close my eyes and try to sleep or any other thing than sleep, I just feel like puking my fucking guts out. Therefore I am sorry for my lack of enthusiasm to update but somehow this post right here is somewhat different. Most of the time writing a post takes a lot from me because it stimulates feelings, emotions and thoughts that I try hard to suppress. But this post is different, it rejuvenates me instead.