Where's the Damn Beef, Bitch?

In my iPod: Starting Over - Saliva
State of mind: Ravenous
Location: Delhi, India

When they say sin is not good, we all fucking know that it is great. Religion and moral values teaches us not to have premarital sex, but who the fuck cares these days? Because we all know fucking is great and that screwing someone else's beautiful wife or girlfriend has more kick than screwing your own wife or girlfriend; doing what is forbidden is like a 3 fold Utopian wet dream compared to the dull and mundane stuff that are permissible. And would you agree with me, if I say that to fucking devour a big fat juicy 100% pure beef burger in a city where cows are worshiped is nothing short of pure bliss.

So here I am, like a sharp-set Cerberus straight from Hades, resolved and determined in seeking a big fat juicy beef burger for my aching hunger to ravish upon. The first thing that came to my mind was McDonald's; not because they have beef patties in their fucking ala carte but not finding a Mickey D's in Delhi is impossible. Frankly, I am not big on fast food (except for KFC cause I have some nigga blood in me), as a matter of fact this was going to be my second time to the Golden Arches for lunch this year and I only dine there like 2-3 times last year.

But sadly, my date with beef was canceled when I fucking found out that there are no beef or beef products in all of the McDonald's across fucking India. And not only that, you are not even allowed to camwhore with your fucking food there.

Bummer! Now I can't be like some real cool bloggers who holds a peace sign while snapping pictures of themselves with fucking fries sticking outta their greasy mouth. Boo Hoo Hoo! I am a total fucking failure as a blogger.

But the fact that I am all Chinese inside an all Indian city does has its perk because I can totally get away with anything like ignoring what the second sign says.


I don't know about you, but having McDonald's without the beef is like having sex without getting any head. And fuck the vegetarian crap on their menu, it taste like fucking crap. Warning: stay off McVeggie, McAloo Tikki and Veg McCurry Pan. I rather chow down on tree roots...

I managed to strike up a conversation with some American backpackers this morning over breakfast. I found out that killing cows in the city of Delhi is illegal, therefore there aren't any beef around. The closest thing you can get is buffalo meat. They may have been to Delhi 3 times but coming from vegetarians? I am still not 100% convinced that there isn't a fucking place in the whole of Delhi city that I can get beef and so my search continues…

So the four (sometimes five) legged Hindu Moo's may have won the battle for now, but the war is far from over. The cows here may be worshiped, they may be holy and sacred, they may be protected by law but sometime...

...these meritless motherfuckers are just pushing their luck.

xniquet's journey across India