Spreading Joy

The year was 1995, most of you were still in diapers, learning to control your bladder & bowel and sucking on your mommy's titties counts as breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I was in my teens and was coming outta my obsession with the Cobain’s grunge movement. To some of us, grunge music fucking died the day Kurt decided to paint the wall with his brain details. I was lucky I didn't fell into the whole Boy Band plague that was spreading like a fucking disease. If I did, you wouldn't be reading xniquet's middle finger technology, instead this blog would be in pink (ahem!) and called 'I'm Justin Bieber's Whore', indirectly indicating that you who reads it would be gay or just somewhat damaged in the head.

Leisure was going into a video arcade and converting all my weekly lunch money into 20 cent coins, just so I can beat the crap outta M.Bison but I often get my ass served on a silver platter, courtesy of Sagat's Tiger uppercut.

Still in high school, I was a nobody; I wasn't smart, I wasn't a jock. I was your average Joe that no one would notice. Even if I was a wraith that haunts the school, no one would ever notice that the school is haunted.

The only sport I did with was munching a pack of Doritos’s while watching Stone Cold Steve Austin open a can of whoopass and placing a fucking sharpshooter on Bret 'the hit-man' Hart on TV. On important events like Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania, I would usually hang out at those Mamak restaurants because they usually buy the Videotape for those events and use them to attract customers like me. I would be there when they air it and I'll make sure my short glass of "the tarik" (milk tea) would last the whole 3 hour duration of the show.

Honestly then, I was a pretty down to earth guy. I go to church on Sundays and I would say grace before I eat but only when there's people around. It's not too much of a “between me and god” thing, it was just for show.

Occasionally, I would jack off to my dad's dirty videotape that was wrapped in old newspaper that he hides in his tool box. If you think that is nasty, wait till you see the video, the girls in the video hardly shave. Nothing is more repugnant than watching a guy fuck a girl with bushy armpit hair.

You know back then getting a boner was as easy as popping the lid off a soda. When you are young, everything seems to be extra sensitive, it doesn't take much, in fact I remember the first time a girl try to nibble my ears, I almost had a Spontaneous Semen Combustion in my pants but now it would to a hell lot more than just tongue fucking my ears.

Other than that I was a really promising young lad, born and raised to be nothing more than just a mere peasant.

But look at me now...

1995 was indeed a year for a lot of “Firsts” for me but I don't really wanna go there because this fucking piece of memoir is about Joy

I knew Joy since I was 10. Joy was the typical girl next door but she didn't really live next to me. To go to her place, you would have to walk a couple of blocks down my house and then take a public bus to town and then walk across a big ass sky bridge to the other side of a huge ass road and wait for a blue color bus then switch a couple more buses and cross a couple more sky bridges before you reach her fucking house.

But that didn't stop me from seeing her every Sunday. That's because she and her parents attended church every week. I don't know what the fuck their reasons were but mine was simple...


I must have undressed her a million times in church during those long, dry and boring sermons, and I think I might have stick my long hard penis into her too during one of them long ass extended Easter Sunday service.

That was as far as how our sexual relationship went for the first 5 years but it all happened inside my head.

You see according to rule of the nature, I had no chance in hell dating a girl like Joy because If I was a 5, she would probably be an 11.

But a twist of fate landed the both of us in one of them Baptist Convention Bible Camp and it changed everything. I guess locking up a bunch of teenage together and the nonstop bombardment of bullshit Christian value into their fragile little mind would make any teen horny like hell. (I would say it was the Boy Girl Relationship 101 talk) It was then that I find myself making out with Joy on the last night of Bible camp during Pause & Ponder time that everyone should be spending in solitary.

I didn't hit a home run that night but it was really-really close. I was about a cunt hair away from plugging in my unit. But it was still good because I got to inspect every inch of her body and I have to say that Joy was perfect almost seraph-like , well except for that big mole on the right side of her breast which was really distracting but she was still consider what we guys like to refer to as a “Good Fuck”.

There she was clad only in her skin, on her back and wide open, waiting to spread her joy to this desperate, burnout, over-masturbated degenerate’s worthless life.

And I stood up like a man on a mission to receive the joy which I have been thirsting for. So I thrust my holy trinity namely Index, Middle and Ring into her moist unknown which made her squall so loud that I thought I was a fucking talented finger fucker.

The harder the scream the harder the thrust; I almost believed my god given talent was finger fucking.

But I found out that she was actually screaming in pain because three fingers were more than she can take. I think I did hear her scream stop but I thought it was like one of them porn moment when the girl pretends to not want it but with a little persistent and roughing her up a little and she would be like 'hell, fuck me harder...!'

1995 was also the year that I learned that things that happen in porn don’t really take form in the real world.

On our way back from the camp, I sworn she was walking funny, like there's something coming outta her ass.

And so that was the beginning of the end of us. What we were or could have be went straight into oblivion.

She never talk or even look at me ever since.


You know, a couple of years back, I was invited to my friend's wedding that was held in a Baptist church in Penang. As I look across the crowded room in the reception hall, there she was, standing next to a young pastor. She was still as beautiful as ever and that smile of hers was made for spreading joy to those who feast their eyes upon.

I wanted to go up to Joy and say hello but my feet just wouldn't allow me to do so. Not after what I've done to her.

I was glad I didn't because later my friend told me that the pastor besides her was her husband. I kept my fucking mouth sealed about me and the pastor’s wife. I imagine he wouldn't take it nicely because he seems to have a shit load of respect for that pastor.

As for Joy, what we had ended that night and I will never be anything more than just a cock stain in her life.