C'mon Help Me Across Like I'm Some fucking Old Lady

In my iPod: Stand Up Comedy - U2
State of mind: Tired and Pissed
Location: Cherating Palm, Cherating

The motherfucking rain is tap dancing on the fucking roof, I can't sleep and I'm left here to the devices inside my fucking head. I don't feel love anymore when I fuck; I don't feel hatred when I am angry; I don't feel happy when I laugh; I don't feel sad when I cry. Everything and anything to me now is like utterly halo, just like my life. It is totally flawed.

I used to dream and wish that every morning I could be driving a 7 series to Starbucks , taste the most expensive gourmet coffee and hit on hot office ladies that are having coffee there. Well, you know what I didn't feel a goddamn thing when it happened. So what's next since my fucking wish have come true, does that mean my dreams are destroyed? So, what the fuck is next?

I gave it a try. No wait, two tries to be precise which only ended in death and betrayal.
Once you have an earned a little too much of that shit and when you can buy any material shit you ever wanted, making money really doesn't makes you horny anymore.
You fucking give in to those Jesus freaks, they will try to mind fuck you and fucking turn you into a fucking mindless Christian drone.
They love you when you are down but hate you when you have more of everything that they don't.

I hate it when they say they envy my life and you know what, if they want it so fucking badly they can have it all cause right about now, I don't wanna even be me cause I don't feel shit anymore. Maybe I would be happier living in the slums of India like pieces of craps there, eating shit and drinking sewage to survive; I guess that is why my urge of going there is so strong now.

(Mental note to myself: purchase air tickets to India next week)

The motherfucking rain is still tap dancing on the fucking roof and I still can't sleep. I'm like some fucking old lady who fucking need something to help me get across to dreamland. Where are those motherfucking drugs when you fucking need them?

P.s. In the end it was a little bedtime story that put me to sleep and the story goes like this:

“Dinah was Jacob's Daughter and she was fucking raped by Shechem son of Hamor the ruler of that area. Shechem's father Hamor came to Jacob asking that since Dinar has been creampie by his son, why not fucking give her to Shechem as wife, and he would pay any amount Jacob would fucking ask for as gift or price of the bride. Jacob said that he would only give his daughter away if all the males under his rule agree to be fucking circumcised. Seeing that the proposal seems to be fucking good, Hamor agreed and all the motherfucking male living in his city was circumcised. 3 days later, when all male in the city were still in pain because of the circumcision. The brothers of Dinah took swords and fucking kill every goddamn male in the city then looted and plunder the city, taking the wealth, women and children as their own. "

Taken from Genesis chapter 34 of the fucking bible

P.s.s. Now, this is my kind of bedtime story; who says you can't fucking find violence in the fucking bible.

P.s.s.s. I am sorry and I didn't mean any disrespect for calling the bible “the fucking bible” when I should be calling it “the holy fucking bible” .