Updates form Under a Coconut Tree

In my iPod: Forever - Breaking Benjamin
State of mind: Exhausted
Location: Under a coconut tree in Cherating

So here I am blogging to you inside a car from under a coconut tree in the middle of nowhere around Cherating. I am on a little holiday with my dog woawoa to Cherating and there haven't been a place where I can get any internet access but somehow, I manage to leech someone's internet connection from here. You know what, I have seen many useless motherfucking things being created in my lifetime, for example Starbucks - a place to serve overpriced coffee that taste like water mixed with cigarette butts or TMnet - a Malaysian internet service provider who provides broadband services at dial up speed or MACC (Malaysian Anti Coruption Commitee) – a halo so called independent body formed solely to cover all the dirty work and corruptions of the Malaysian government or Facebook – a place to post your useless pictures and tell the whole world what the fuck are you currently doing, i.e. “xniquet is thinking of taking a crap” or “xniquet is taking a crap” or “xniquet just finished taking a crap”. And followed by comments by friends who are concern about you taking a crap.

I mean get real motherfuckers, when are these fucks ever going to wake up and invent something more useful like providing internet services to cars. And I don't mean that 3G bullshit because they are just too slow. So that people who spend a lot of time in cars can surf/download porn or blog or Facebook in their cars. Imagine how revolutionary it will become when people can Facebook while waiting for the lights to turn green, i.e. “xniquet is waiting for the traffic lights to turn green” or maybe it will spawn a whole new live video feed service of live stalking, i.e. we bring you 24/7 live stalking video streaming to your PC for only 1.99 per week. And maybe taxi cabs drivers can turn their taxi into mobile cybercafés and charge their passengers for internet access fees as side incomes.

Alright enough of that bullfuckingshit already, like I fucking said I am a on a short vacation, just me and my dog woawoa. We are staying at a chalet somewhere near Cherating. I had to get a chalet and a place where it is kinda away from everyone because I can't let woawoa run loose when there are too many people around especially Malays. At night I have to sneak her into the chalet because the owner doesn't let pets into their chalet. Other than that it is all fun, me and woawoa had so much fun at the beach that we decided to bring most of the sand from the beach back into our chalet. Now we can even build a sand castle in there.

As for food, I still haven't found a place where they will let you bring your pet along for dinner because most of them are Malay stalls. So I have to pack our dinner and bring it back to our chalet where we will feast on the bed. Well, here's a little travelling tip, when you absolutely, most definitely have to fucking order something from a fucking Malay food stall which you have no fucking idea what is good; always order “Ayam Masak Merah” (fried chicken in sweet and sour sauce) and you won't fucking go wrong. In the fucking East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia, even the shittiest of Ayam Masak Merah will taste good, trust me. I haven't tasted a bad Ayam Masak Merah in all my fucking life staying here. It has been me and woawoa's daily staple for the past two days, I think we both got some nigga's blood in us because we just loves the fried chicken no matter how they are cooked.

In the fucking daylight, I will spent my time at the beach surfing away while woawoa will be running around the beach, swimming and occasionally barking like a fucking idiot at washed to shore tree trunks. And at every end of the day after dinner, woawoa will be so tired that she dosed off so early leaving me all by myself watching movies after movies on my portable DVD player just to kill the time and wait for the next morning to come so that I can start all over again. I haven't have so much fun doing nothing since I have been living a “doing nothing” life , and all the nights having dinner on the bed and never washing our feet before going to bed is just pure bliss. Man I love being sloppy and dirty! I just hope that the chalet owner won't charge us extra for turning this room into one stinking butt filth.

[Below is a picture of woawoa after her bath, so tired that she just wanna lay there and do nothing]

So you see there aren't anything interesting in my life recently, therefore there aren't anything interesting to blog about. But maybe I could do something like seduce a naïvely dumb Malay Kampong girl with big breast that smell like coconut milk, then make out with her in a nearby Surau (small mosque), get caught by the local religious officials and get sue in a Syariah court. Now wouldn't that be something interesting and worth blogging about? You know what, since my Jacob's ladder have long been replaced by an escalator to hell, maybe I should do it because just like Malaysian made cars and shit, I always have a way to get into them.

P.s. Besides watching them darn movies one after another, I have taken a little of my precious time to write reviews for a couple if not all the movies that I have watched and it is posted in the xniquet-wiki. And just before I left for my vacation, I was in a crepes frenzy, so I made a couple a crepes snacks and their recipe can also be found at the xniquet-wiki.