In my iPod: Hunt You Down - Saliva
State of mind: Corrupted
Location: Public Library
WARNING: completely disrespectful and heretic post up ahead, if you are a Christian and don't want to be offended, I suggest you get the hell outta here. Was I under the influence of the devil when I wrote this? No I was just letting my demon roam free and I wrote down my thought of what 11 years of being in the church has made me.
Then suddenly this floodgate just fucking burst open inside of me and I started spitting out everything even my fucking thoughts…
I was 3 when they brought me to Sunday school. It was my aunt's idea because I didn't have many friends where I was living, most of them were adults. So she thought that it would be good to have me mingle around with kids my age. I never complaint about Sunday school even though I don't know what the fuck is going on there, the bottom line is you get presents and candy every week.
Come secondary school, I was fucking promoted to bible class. Bible class if a whole different kind of ball game, they don't give you sweets and coloring to do anymore, instead they fill your head with scary things about the fucking bible, how the fucking world is going to end and if you don't fucking accept the lord as your fucking savior. When the world fucking ends you are going to be cast into a lake of fire, you would die but you are going to be burn over and over again. But before that the fucking rapture will happen and everyone whom you ever love here is going to be caught up to the sky, you and the other sinful non Christian are going to be left behind to suffer before dying a horrible death in the hands of the Antichrist. Then you will be judge in front of every fucking one with all your fucking secrets and sins exposed. All these will happen to you if you don't accept Christ as your fucking Savior.
Fuck peace within, there are no peace, my nightmares about the fucking end of the world have only started and it kept on eating me like cancer for so long. I accepted Christ as my fucking savior that year and I was baptize a few months after that.
I was given more responsibility in church. They say that you should fucking serve according to your gifts in the house of the lord and by then I was serving in the music ministry and also as a youth leader. I was sent to music camps, youth leadership camps, bible schools and all sort of those shit that Christian organize during school breaks. Even before I left school, I was already an elite camper and went to these camps as camp adviser rather than just a regular camper. All these have made me so fucking familiar with the holy bible; ask me a fucking story or passage from it and I can pin point where it is taken from and even tell you what it fucking means.
Do I live by the fucking book? Hell no. Did I have faith? Yes, faith driven by fear and not love. And it took me 11 years to fucking realized that it is better to know where you are going than to be constantly living in fear. So I fucking flip my middle finger and said fuck you Jesus, I am outta here and that was the last time I ever stepped in the church as a believer. I rather be burn over and over again then be constantly fuck in the ass by your fucking rod of fear. I was living a lie if I would have continue on and what I was teaching the kids at Sunday school and bible class was what I never choose to believe but was forced to. The fucking hymns that I played and sang were but a false declaration of my faith, so I burn all my hymns books and watch it turned to ashes.
But the high end of this low point of my life is that I found that I had the power to influence people especially kids and teenagers; I mean I was fucking taught how to do it when I attended all those leadership bullshit camps and seminars. And If I wanted revenge, it would be a slice of cake feeding fear to the kids that I teach in church; I would be pumping these kids with fear that their dreams will be filled with nightmare. Given the knowledge of the bible that I acquire from bible school , I could easily twist the truth and I could even promote lesbianism to naïve girls who parents are so strict to where they go and friends they hang out with but doesn't care who the fuck they are with in church. So much trust for the taking... I could turn her into a lesbian or maybe a slut who loves to fuck or corrupt guys to do things that are immoral and sexually questionable. Maybe if I am a pedophile, Sunday school will just be like a hunting ground filled with fresh prey. I could do anything I want to here because no one will suspect you. Molesting and fondling the genitals of these little children and sexually abuse them has never been so easy; it is like a fucking buffet spread made for pedophiles.
What is that you say? You are going to send your kids to Sunday school? You fucking sure? Don't blame the corrupter but blame the ones who had created him because what he does is the byproduct of the fucking church and now the innocent children are paying for the sins that their fucking fathers have committed.
So you think that I am sick? At least I am just thinking about the “what if's”; you should be really worrying about those who are already lurking inside your churches and some of them don't necessarily get off by fondling or molesting kiddy genitals; I heard finger fucking undeveloped genitals are the in thing for pedophile. Read the news, maybe you will see that most of these child molesters and rapist are actually religious teachers or priest hiding behind their beliefs.