In Search of My New Hell

In my iPod: Love Hurts - Incubus
State of mind: Cold
Location: Home

I just couldn't help but to notice that it wasn't my intention to backpack across mysterious India, to see its colorful culture, to gaze upon the wonders that it holds and to live in the gutter amongst them slum dogs. But it was hers; she wanted to fucking taste life in another whole new fucking flavor when all the things that we tend to take for granted are being stripped away, how it is like to live in poverty. It was my angel's dream.

I had promised her that I would take her there one day but that fucking day never came. I kept trying to console my fucking self that I didn't have the time and money to bring her there but what good is it when you finally got the cash and all the fucking time in the world, yet you are all alone, saturated with only grieve, pain, tears, remorse and sadness. All the fucking money in the world can't bring back someone back to life or take you fucking back in time to make things right.

All alone and only equipped with the minimum things that I need so that I may travel light; I know that this fucking pathetic attempt to make things right would not stop the fucking aching and bleeding inside my heart but I still believe in making this journey in her memory.

I wanted to feel like a vagabond that is getting ready to plunge into the unknown, yet there are ones that I just find hard to detach from.

It could be the salty taste that she loves licking every time tears falls from these eyes but I like to think that she is comforting me in her own way.

Last night I told someone who has temporary lost her sense of purpose in life that maybe what she needs is a drastic change. I am not sure if I am ever qualify in giving advices but I only wished her the best in everything. I too have lost my way a long time ago and now I am trying to find my way back by going away from home.