In my iPod: Four Rusted Horse - Marilyn Manson
State of mind: slum
Location: Bhopal, India
I fucking asked myself, what the fuck am I doing? I am supposed to be backpacking around India; yet, I have been grounded in Bhopal for the pass seven days, vigorously doing shit that equals to nothing. The only thing closest I got to the role of a fucking tourist is seeing some tit-like Buddhist monument 46kms away from town. I don’t know if you even consider going in a shopping mall that looks actually like the ones in my home town (minus the curry scent) to get junk food as my daily staple an act of tourism?
Yeah I knew I was half-assed sometimes but I think this time I might have just lost it. I feel completely like a pile of useless thrash with no sense of direction. I think I have lost my wanderlust; my fucking need to fucking travel around to desecrate foreign places and de-virginize foreign vagina have gone flat and dead. All I fucking do all day is sip Slurpee and bury my fucking face in a huge pack of potato chips while watching the old F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series in my hotel room.
The beauty of being all alone on a trip with has no time limit is that you have no fucking one to tell what the fuck you should and shouldn’t do. But the fucking down side to it is you sometimes get in too deep into it and there is no one to give you a fucking nudge you or to save you from sinking deeper into that shit hole that you are in.
Yet another perk of being alone is that you can fucking continue to ignore whatever damage and destructive shit you are doing to yourself because you couldn’t fucking careless; It’s like suicide but this one instead of feeling pain , you are bloody enjoying yourself doing it. The only time you will regret is when you realized that you‘ve turn into a rotten decomposing corpse that was only discovered a week too late by those staying next to you because they couldn’t stand the smell that is coming from you anymore.
Fuck man, are you fucking outta your mind? I wouldn’t wanna die and be let there to smell. If I going, I am going to die smelling good; so I gonna wear cologne 24/7 from now onwards, even in my sleep.
P.s. I was suppose to write something that has been bothering me for sometime but I think I got sidetracked or maybe I haven’t kept it in me long enough yet.