The Tin Man

In my iPod: Mechanical Animals - Marilyn Manson
State of mind: Heartless
Location: Mumbai, India

I'm caught in the pissing days of India known as the fucking monsoon right now and it isn't something new to me because the sky pisses too this time of the year from where I fucking come from. I used to love it when it rains in Kuantan. As a kid, that means there will be puddles of water everywhere and I could catch as much tadpole to torture as I could. As an adult, the hillside is filled with mud and its slippery. It is the perfect excuse to get all dirty and wet while I go downhill cycling. But not here in Mumbai, when it rains, it reeks of garbage that has been long neglected. The water that washes down the roads are basically shit streams of rubbish. It is so goddamn repulsive when you get your feet wet.

So it is just the perfect excuse for me to postpone my search for an apartment and also for a sitar guru. That is why I stayed in and watched as much horror movies and drink as much red as I could, enjoying this part of life while I still can before I move out into the real life you might say. Anyway, I watched this Malaysian made horror flick "Possessed", which stars Malaysian model Amber Chia and all I can say is please do not let her do any seductive dance moves on any movie again, for it is as gross as the transvestite in Kuantan dancing in the streets trying to seduce clients.

While I was listening to Marilyn Manson's Mechanical Animal; I notice that there is a line in it that goes "...If we cry, we will rust." Which lead me to believe that Manson was referring to the Tin Man in the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. You know, I have always had this compassion for the Tin Man. Even though I am not made of tin and chop wood for a living but I think we still share certain qualities.

For those who haven't read the Wonderful Wizard of Oz nor have any idea who this Tin Man is. Let me enlighten you. You see the Tin Man wasn't always the Tin Man but was born Tin Woodcutter, son of a poor woodcutter who eventually grew up and took over his father's business. He fell in love with a girl but couldn't afford to married her because he was poor. Therefore he worked as hard as he could, so that he could marry the girl but the lazy girl's mother didn't want her daughter to get married. She wanted her to stay with her for the rest of her life to cook, wash and clean; so she made a deal with the wicked witch to stop the woodcutter from ever marrying her daughter. The wicked witch enchanted the woodcutter's axe and causes it to slip off his hands every time he cuts wood. Every time the axe slips it would cut off his limps or body part. But each time the wood cutter loses his limps, the tin smith in town would replace it with a limp or part made out of tin. But pretty soon, when all his limps and body is replaced with tin, he eventually became so mechanical and became without a heart. Without a heart he couldn't love the girl anymore. That is why when he met Dorothy, he wanted to join in the quest to seek out the wizard and ask for a heart, in order to love again.

Just the other night I had a talk on MSN, someone asked me why am I not in relationship or interested in anyone? Busy? No fate? Well, I could strike off being busy because that would be the last thing I am now. No fate? Initially I thought it could be but thinking back, it wasn't that because I have met incredible ladies that could easily flip me head over heels. I guess the thing with me is that I am pretty much become a tin man myself. Some time back then, I have pretty much lost it - a heart that is capable to love. But somehow I couldn't agree more with what the Tin Man said " ...I had time to think that the greatest loss I had known was the loss of my heart. While I was in love, I was the happiest man on earth; but no one can love who has not a heart..."

xniquet's journey across India