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...The misleading way
You must be wondering why the heck am I blogging about this shit right here. To start with the traffic is shit here and secondly I know what you are thinking, you can’t take this x guy seriously. But anyway, I have been doing a little research on my own time regarding this topic. I even did a Google on this and I came up with a few sites that recommend the follow things to be done if you seriously need to get more traffic in, I am just going to list a couple of similar ones:
Be topical... write posts that need to be read right now.
Be timeless... write posts that will be readable in a year.
Write short, pithy posts.
Write long, definitive posts.
Write about your cat, your boyfriend or your kids
Don't write about your cat, your boyfriend or your kids.
Use your photos. Salacious ones are best, post your photos on flickr
Be anonymous.
Write about Google.
Write about blogging.
Write in English.
Better, write in Chinese.
Yadayadayadayada….and the fucking list goes on.
I don’t know about you, but that list up there is so confusing and it contradicts each other. I mean have you tried doing the above and still got no results? Tired of doing everything except posting nude but still get a record low traffic report on your blog? Go no further, today, Let Mr. x show you a new and revolutionary way to get those traffic that you always wanted to your blog's doorsteps, without changing your template or font or anything …etc. The best thing is you don’t even crack your head to think of interesting things to post up. You can even post pictures of shit and puke or even the picture that has been scaring away your readers on your blog…wukakakkaa. If I have your attention now, read on and let me show you the secret of getting traffic in without getting naked.
In this darn age, where patience is not a virtue anymore, everyone wants instant result just like the Japanese who couldn’t even wait for their fish to be cooked. This is the faster way to get result. Firstly, create a new email account, trust me you need this, in case you get too famous and fan mails starts pouring in and you don’t want to get your main email account nuked. After that, this is important,
Google a picture of a pretty and cute girl’s picture. Bear this in mind, don’t go overboard, try to keep the standard low. Choose someone totally anonymous and not a celebrity. My choice is below.
Next go to ahmoi.com which is a Malaysian dating site and create a new account using the picture that you have just Google. Try to brag a bit about yourself like you are a part-time model cum student. Guys there will go crazy. Put your age around 19-21, I think that is a good age to attract younger readers too. In your about me column write something nice and direct all traffic to your blog. :P Below is my example of the profile I have created. To view the whole thing click here.
This post was there for 2 hours only, I got 92 comments and 554 reads,, imagine if just half of that goes to your site. Just imagine what your stats will be like if you leave it for a day or so. This is what I call instant traffic.
In no time people will be flocking your profile and they will all be directed to your blog and there you go instant blog traffic headed your way, with minimum effort. Don’t believe me? Let me show you the results. Since I did this for data collecting and research purposes, I only left my profile there for about 2 hours before deleting it and just look at my stats.
Just two hours and look at my stats for that day