xniquet's middle finger technology: vlogs

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Suicide Note (Video Log)

playing on iPod:
S.E.X. - Nickelback

Hello there. If you are watching this that means my buddy Mr. Ghostblogger has respected my last wish and published this video log on my blog. Right now, I am already away from all of you to a place which I don’t expect to return but if I do, it will be of unnatural cause and you wouldn’t want that, wouldn’t you? But fear not, even though I am gone but I will always be close to you, especially to those who likes eating beef patties.

A year ago today, I gave Mr. Ghostblogger a note with instruction to open it one year after. The note contains the hidden location of the cameras and videos that you are watching now here. After obtaining the cameras and videos, he is suppose to published it here for all to witness what has really happened to me.

As you can see, I have sneaked in a McDonald’s factory (location withheld) and secretly install cameras to record this event that took place a year ago. From the video below, the person you see taking off all his clothes and climbing in a giant meat grinder that is used to make delicious beef patties is me. When inside the meat grinder, I then took a whole bottle of sleeping pills that was enough to kill me. The next morning, when the machine operator starts the machine, I would have been ground and turned into beautiful patties and then distributed to all the McDonald's outlets to be grilled and make into mouth watery Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, Double Cheeseburger …etc. (Ha, now you know that you don’t really know what is exactly in your McDonald’s Beef Patties that has no taste of beef at all)
You get the picture right? So consider yourself lucky if you have eaten any of beef related products from McDonald's in the past year. It is not every day that you get to eat beef patties tainted with me. Because I believe that the closest relationship a human can be in is their relationship with food. Because all food was once alive and then being consumed into the body and they become part of the body. I don’t know if you could ever comprehend the romanticism in this but being that Valentine is coming up soon, I think it is appropriate to say to those who have eaten me…

I am sorry to have waited a year than to give you a head start of knowing this perfect scheme that I have been plotting. You wouldn’t want a mass hysteria that could result in big amounts of beef patties being recall right? No one wants to walk in a fast food chain that only has chicken on their fucking menu; there’s Kentucky Fucking Chicken for that.
Lastly, with much regret, I sometimes wish I could have nine lives to live instead of one. Then I could probably turn myself into some chicken nuggets or steamy hot Lasagna in Pizza Hut. Well, not to be too optimistic, but I will just have to wait for some copycat suicide to live out my dreams.

P.s. This is the cue for you to puke your fucking guts out.

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Off to KL...

I will be off for a little while, things seem to be kicking off with the band and some promoting business to take care off. But first, I have some "Mee Limbu" business in Pasar Besar Seremban to take care of and entertain some other lame bloggers like me. I will be in KL for a week and will be off the blogging for a little while. So here is a little something for the road...

Welcome to the Jungle: Unspoken Rules of the Jungle

I may have been into this thick jungle reserve many many times, but every time I come out from it, I will either end up in another location or I will manage to stumble on a different route to where I started. Right about now you might think that I am a pathfinder noob, but I tell you this jungle holds a lot of mysterious energy. The trees are old and most of them are hundreds of years old. The locals here believes that this jungle here is a concentration of wandering spirits because as development takes place, all the wandering spirits congregates at the least developed places. The Malays here said that in every tree in this jungle there will be a “Penunggu” or Keeper and whoever enters the jungle should respect it or they will suffer the consequences. Even though I don’t really buy this mambo jumbo thingy, but I do adhere to the unspoken rules.

Here is a few which you might know:

1.When you are doing your business there, always say excuse me before you pee or take a crap;

2.Never litter, burn or contaminate; never break, chop and clear a branches or bushes for no reason, unless you need to get to the other side;

3.If you are alone in the jungle and you hear someone calling you from behind, never turn behind and look, instead use something reflecting to check it out, to see if there is really someone before you turn back to look. That is why it is encouraged to bring a small mirror or something reflective to the jungle (I use the back of my iPod, isn’t iPod great?). If there is no one, I suggest you run like the wind;

4.Never attempt to stay overnight in the jungle alone, get the fuck outta there before sunset. Even if the wandering spirits don’t get you, some hungry animal might.; and

5.This is the most important one, never pick up foreign object in the jungle and never ever bring it back with you. You never know what you might bring back with you. The object might be vessel for something. The locals here believes that”Djin” or evil spirits lives in these objects. The Malays here believes that sometimes a “bomoh” (Malay medium) might cast vessels that contain evil spirits that they have captured into the jungle, therefore, bringing back some foreign object you found in jungle which you think might be a great deco piece in your room is a big NO NO. But if you already did, you might wanna look out for the symptoms:

i you start getting weird nightmares;
ii your luck just couldn’t get any worst;
iii you fall sick and the doctor doesn’t know what is wrong with you; or
iv you start to see things that you shouldn’t .

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If you are suffering from the above, I think it is a good idea for you to visit your local witchdoctor to find out what the fuck did you just got yourself into.

I hope this doesn’t scare you from going jungle trekking. Just stick to the unspoken rules and you will be fine besides jungle trekking is such a great cardio workout and the air here is good for you too. You might be thinking that it is crazy to go jungle trekking these days because of the insane hot weather. But you know what, being in the jungle with it thick foliage; it almost felt like you are in an air conditioning room. It is way better than being in an air conditioning room because it air condition would only dry your skin and this doesn’t. Besides in the day time these trees produce plenty of O2 which is really good for your skin and delays aging. I know the last post and this post might bore you because it is just another ordinary day in my life but it is the simple things that I am beginning to miss doing. The thought of leaving here and head to LA to start anew still lay heavy in my heart. Even though I am used to the big city but deep down inside I am still a “Budak Kampung” (village boy) who enjoys the nature like the beach and jungle. Come on where in the world will I be able to find a hidden beach of my own to surf and go jungle trekking in the middle of the week?

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Even though the jungle reserve is just five minutes from my house but I still I prepare myself before going, because you never know what will happen in there. So these are the basic stuff that I bring for any jungle trekking:

1.My trekking shoes
2.My short fingers multipurpose gloves, for RM89 it is one of the best investment, I use them for almost anything except biking because the wrist guard gets in the way.
3.My back pack to carry everything inside.
4.My hydro pack, this baby carries 2 litter of water, so I don’t of dehydration.
5.My protective glasses, in case I get into thick bushes.
6.My Maglite in case I don’t make it out the jungle before sundown.
7.My Walkie Talkie, don’t ask me why. Since it was always been in my back pack, I didn’t want to leave it elsewhere, so I brought it along.
8.My iPod, I told you I go everywhere with it, even my identity card is inside the leather casing.

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I may feel relax in the jungle but nothings beats coming home to a nice soft bed, with a glass of California red, a nice book and Vivaldi’s Four Seasons playing on my headphone. Just ignore that telephone book like women magazine beside the bed. Those belong to Lisa. Anyway, on the right, you will find another short Vlog that I taken while passing by the mini zoo to get into the jungle. Meet Thunder Bob, that is what Mike used to call him, I am not sure if Thunder Bob still recognized me but just look at the video and you will see how excited he is or maybe he is just trying to maul me.
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A Day in xniquet’s Busy Working Life

Sometimes I wonder how my life was going to be like if I am a clockwork white collar slave living in this laid back beach town. It’s been so long since I was a white collar plowing my ass off, but everything has changed since I came back to my home town. My routine are like biking, surfing, drinking, jamming with the band, play PlayStation or watch DVD till I pass out and repeat all over again and oh I miss something, blogging too. Life is so mundane back here, so much so that I have enough time to visit a cafeteria 7 times a day for two days, just to see a girl who later became my fiancé. But once every year, I get to play the role of a white collar slave and it is today. Because today is my company’s Annual General Meeting (AGM) where Shareholders and directors, company secretary and auditors are to hold a fucking meeting to adopt the year’s audited accounts, reappointment of auditor and other shit that they fucking list on the meeting’s agenda. It is so fucking boring, I wish they could just skip all the bullshit and fast forward to the part where I sign and leave; that would be great. I would have send my trusted proxy (woawoa) to attend the meeting on my behalf but she was just too busy barking at my neighbor’s chickens, so I just had to do it on my own. Besides I also wanted to know if there is any increment on the director’s fees. [Keeps finger cross].Like any other day, it started with me walking my proxy out to do her business and then a visit to my late wife’s resting place. Head home to do a little QiGong meditation and a working out to the Village People’s Macho Man. My breakfast this morning was GALI MEE (curry noodles)- It is a very common breakfast for the people in Kuantan and as usual my proxy will always be there when I am going to eat something.

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These are the things that I brought to my meeting and every other day that I go in my office:

1 iPod:
A must have, I cannot live without it.

2 Pocket PC:
When I am in the toilet doing my business; I am particular fond of reading blogs in the toilet.

3 Sun Glasses:
In case it gets really sunny or I have to drive.

4 Cologne:
In case some dipshit decides to smoke in the meeting and leaving me smelling like ciggy.

5 Pens:
Obviously for writing and signing, duhhhh.

6 Flask:
the coffee in the office stinks, I need to add in something extra.

7 Purse:
I don’t use a wallet.

8 House phone:
my office is just across my house and I can get my house calls even when I am in the of

Meeting starts
*cricket sound*
ZZZzzZZZZZZZzzZZZzzzZZz
*snores*

Wakes up to sign papers and YAYY! It is over, after shaking the hands of the other directors and the rest of the people, I bid them good bye and see them next year. I walked across the one lane street and went into my house and had nuggets, sausages, toast with cheese, cauliflower and raw tomatoes for lunch. After which I continue to Sex Wax my surfboard and then proceed to the beach to surf.

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The time was 7pm when I came back from the beach, only to be greeted by the orange sky. I don’t know about you, but it is pretty common here in Kuantan. After a nice warm bath, felt too tired to eat, so skipped dinner and did a finger exercise with the PS3. After that I decided to switch on my desktop only to do some blogging, only to be smack on the head by Lisa, who then send me off to bed after a cuppa Chamomile blend to help me sleep because I am suppose to wake up at 5am for surfing the next day. So I guess with her highness around, I won’t be able to produce as much post as I used to.Anyway, [*points to the right] enjoy episode one of the red groteskes TV which feature my proxy woa woa.

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I Just Took Her in to hurt Myself

I am becoming less define as the days goes by, fading away to be precise. I am losing my focus, kinda like drifting into the abstract. Two days ago I miss the opportunity to feel a 5.4 earth quake not because I was way outside the zone. As a matter of fact I was in the zone which the tremors could be felt, but hell no; I was yet again too baked to feel it. Yes baked as high, stone and in the state of mind when I got myself into the engagement. Right about now, you might think I am some sort of an addict but I would like to call myself a recreation user rather than an abuser. And now you know that the whole engagement thing is basically somewhat a mistake cause but the effects of too much of recreation usage… What have I become? I crave for a relief; I crave for a release, to feed my fear and to feed my pain. Here I go again with my mood poisoning… Is it out of gratitude or to please others that I am doing all this shit? Deep down I search my soul for an inch of me that could convince me that I did it because of the love that I have for her but there is just none to be found, what I found was only grievance, pain and thoughts of a soul who has been laid to rest and someone who belongs to another men. The same old familiar sting, tormenting over and over again, I trying so hard to make it disappear, but I remember everything. Even though I have made up my mind to give it try but time and time again, I get this urge of calling off the engagement. I feel like I am losing myself and the only salvation I find is in the white substance that disconnects me from everything. My dependent for a greater escape has increase, I don’t know how it started but I know how it will end…