When I Think of You... I Hope You Fucking Choke

In my iPod:Me and My Gun - KMFDM
[download]
State of mind: Sour Grape
Location:The Pit

It was the boy's night out and there is nothing I could ever ask for but a great dinner at my favorite grill house - The Pit. We just got back from our downhill biking road trip and being through days of mud, rain, bruises and shitty food and on top of that, I was sick for a day due to extreme dehydration. So I was really looking forward for a great night out with the boys. A nice bottle of Chardonnay, a rare n bloody burgundy steak and the company of two biking buddies; how could anything go wrong?

But right between the escargot appetizer n lobster soup, I have to bloody catch a glimpse of her. I knew that eventually I would bump into her but just not like this. I have never thought that I'll see my ex fiance with another man (not so soon) and she looked so beautiful that night that it almost hurts. Cocksucking motherfucking shit, all hell has got to break loose on the night where I just wanna relax and enjoy myself.

My bloody night was ruined, my steak has no taste and the wine doesn't seem to have any alcohol in them anymore. My buddies talked to me but I just couldn't pay attention to what they are saying All I could think of is what the fuck are they having on the other table? I mean for Christ fucking sake, does he knows that she drinks her water chilled and not iced because of her sensitive gum? Does he know that she will get a migraine if she sits directly under the lamp? Does he even know how to treat a lady? With his totally innocent cum gay short hair and a fucking t-shirt saying "Kuantan Blood Drive", I bet he is some kind of psycho killer out for blood of the innocent. I am fucking choking here; it must be my oversize collar-less t-shirt that i was wearing. I had to get outta there.

I caught a chill there that night and now I am frozen stiff to my fucking spine. I don't know why I am suddenly not over her? I mean I should; she seems to be very over me. Now look at me, my damn perception must be down again because I am messed up deeper than I thought I would be. I guess I have not healed with time. I need something to wash this feeling, this thought, this plague of her away. No, the blood of fucking Christ can't get it done but a good old bottle of Tennessee whiskey may. Maybe two bottles, if I am still standing after I finished my first. I know I shouldn't be drinking when my doctor just told me not to, but with nights like this, it is completely alright to fucking drink your life away. Then maybe the ghost of her can stop haunting me and let my fucking heart rest in pieces.

[after 2 minutes]

Update 1#: Even though his car is shinier than mine (hey, it was fucking raining and I didn't wash mine ok?), I hope it gets them nowhere.

[after 3 minutes]

Update 2#: NO... I am sorry; I didn't mean to say that, I just want the best for her.

[after 2 minutes]

Update 3#: You know what, I hope they fucking choke on the fucking meringue that they had for dessert for fucking ruining my dinner!

[after 30 seconds]

Update 4#: Hey Lisa, the next time you see me in that grill house, it will be with two sexy hot chics and not with 2 guys like I am some fucking homo.

Where I Left Off That Day

playing on my iPod:
Ten Words - Joe Satriani

Another day, yet another nameless girl's expensive hair shampoo's stench keeps me awake even at this fucking hour. We had our fun from the moment we say our hellos right up to the part where we exchange bodily fluid and had carnal intercourse, but that is just about how close we get and nothing more. Right now, this is the beginning of the end of our single serving and short relationship. Come morning, we would be out of each other's life and we would just turn back into our own lifeless loathing self and pretend nothing ever happened last night. I have never been big on this whole random sex thing with strangers shit but when you are all alone, fishing at bars always seems a remedy. You would be surprise how a small town like this could ever have so many ladies ready and willing to be fucked by random strangers. I guess it is the monsoon season that is upon us, it can get pretty cold sleeping alone at night.

Too many at times, I could have sworn I have returned home with a C cup but only to see a B cup or less go home; sometimes I come home with a girl with flawless skin but only to see a face filled with pimples leave; How can it be that Cinderella spent a night with me, but it was her step sister that I found waking up next to me in the morning? You know, there was a fucking time when after a guy screws the girl, the girl would feel cheated the next morning. But now, it is the total opposite. Eye shadows, eyeliners, mascaras, high heels, fake eye lashes, fake boobies, fake ass everything, god damn it; we the guys living in this damn age been fucking had. And so the tables have fucking turned, and the guys are the suckers now. I'll be damned if I wake up next to a glass of water with fake denture in it. Seriously fuck that shit, that isn't what is really going on in my mind right now.

More than a month ago I left everyone saying that I needed time to find myself; I needed time to go out and really find a purpose in my god forsaken existence; I wanted to be disconnected from everyone, from my friends, my family; and without a reason I cancelled my wedding. As apathy fills me up like the air around me that fills my lungs, I started to build this chain link fences around me. The only thing I found is that my dependency on alcohol and substance is as high as ever, and I have lost taste in everything that I once favor.

All this because I lost someone dear to me? Not entirely, as a matter of fact, I lost 2 people that were close to me that day. The first one I guess you have already know. But I have never told a single soul about the later. But I am ready to bare my soul and expose this cancer that is building up inside me and is turning me into someone that is soaked up in apathy.

I caught her cheating; my fiance was cheating on me for God knows how long. I guess karma sure has a way of coming back and snapping you right on the ass for all the wrongs that you have done. None of our parents or friends knew about this, except for the fact that I was the motherless spoil brat who couldn't take the fucking pressure, took the easy way out by emptying out bottles after bottles and finally let everyone down by canceling the wedding. To them, I was the shameless villain and she was the saint-like innocent victim. Well, when it comes to weddings, this is strike two but I feel like I am already strike out. What has gone down would shatter the humblest man's pride but it is not just my pride but my heart that is broken into tiny shards that it even could pass through the eye of a needle. To think that I could possibly have a normal life, settle down and live happily ever after was wishful fucking thinking. But it is okay for me now, she is out of my life and now I am in a relationship with Ms. Jim Beam, Ms. Remy Martin, Ms. Bacardi and Ms. Absolute and I have them to take care of me, to comfort me and take me to places where I have never been. So this is finally the closure that I wanted to let out, just so you know in case I wake up the next morning and find myself having breakfast in Hades.

Death, Injuries and Shit like That

If the above is true, this wouldn’t be me writing this wouldn’t it? But a logical explanation to justify the above would be that I somehow, found my way back from the depths of Hades and blog about what fucking happened to me. But for the time being, let’s just stick to the version that the above isn’t real and let me tell you what fucking mess I got myself into again.

Firstly, I am proud to announce that this should be my 5th injury this year; I am getting better at this I think I had 3 last year. 4 minor injuries and 1 big one (broken feet) this year, am I good or am I good? You can’t blame me because it has been raining like hell these days back here and accidents are prone to happened when you don’t wear protection and it is wet, just look at Evie who gave birth to her first born after 9 months. (Wukakakaka! Okie, not funny, my bad) I know you must be thinking it is nothing to be proud; some of you might have be fond of collecting stuff that you like, well for me, you could say that I have fetish of collecting scars on my body. I wonder will it ever be consider as body art one of these days.

Look at this baby, I got this while one while trying to avoid a fucking tree on my downhill ride in the P Hill downhill ride. It wouldn’t give me a good scar but it will just give me a good old sore arm for days. It ain’t that bad because it is my left hand which is feeling the numb, I still have my good old right which allows me to move my mouse and also practice my one hand typing which is pretty useful when you are having cyber-sex (that is what I heard), don’t look at me cause I am still a cyber-virgin. But the only thing sucky about having a sore left arm it that you can’t play PS3 because it requires both of your thumbs, but there are always alternatives, I guess computer games are back in the menu again. this took place with my biking buddies...

Anyway, Lisa was pissed at me because I didn’t wanna go shopping with her for clothes, I asked her to snap pictures of her in the dressing room with anything she plans to get and send it over to me, it would be like having me with her in the dressing room. But she told me, how on earth can she take her own picture in the dressing room? I have seen it done many many times by many many female bloggers, pointing at the mirror and snapping away. So how hard can it be? It isn’t rocket science right? So I tried showing it to her how it was done but all my pictures turned out crap. So I give up and I will drag my lazy ass out to go shopping with her. I hereby salute all those who are able to camwhore flawlessly in the dressing room.

A Day in xniquet’s Busy Working Life

Sometimes I wonder how my life was going to be like if I am a clockwork white collar slave living in this laid back beach town. It’s been so long since I was a white collar plowing my ass off, but everything has changed since I came back to my home town. My routine are like biking, surfing, drinking, jamming with the band, play PlayStation or watch DVD till I pass out and repeat all over again and oh I miss something, blogging too. Life is so mundane back here, so much so that I have enough time to visit a cafeteria 7 times a day for two days, just to see a girl who later became my fiancé. But once every year, I get to play the role of a white collar slave and it is today. Because today is my company’s Annual General Meeting (AGM) where Shareholders and directors, company secretary and auditors are to hold a fucking meeting to adopt the year’s audited accounts, reappointment of auditor and other shit that they fucking list on the meeting’s agenda. It is so fucking boring, I wish they could just skip all the bullshit and fast forward to the part where I sign and leave; that would be great. I would have send my trusted proxy (woawoa) to attend the meeting on my behalf but she was just too busy barking at my neighbor’s chickens, so I just had to do it on my own. Besides I also wanted to know if there is any increment on the director’s fees. [Keeps finger cross].Like any other day, it started with me walking my proxy out to do her business and then a visit to my late wife’s resting place. Head home to do a little QiGong meditation and a working out to the Village People’s Macho Man. My breakfast this morning was GALI MEE (curry noodles)- It is a very common breakfast for the people in Kuantan and as usual my proxy will always be there when I am going to eat something.

These are the things that I brought to my meeting and every other day that I go in my office:

1 iPod:
A must have, I cannot live without it.

2 Pocket PC:
When I am in the toilet doing my business; I am particular fond of reading blogs in the toilet.

3 Sun Glasses:
In case it gets really sunny or I have to drive.

4 Cologne:
In case some dipshit decides to smoke in the meeting and leaving me smelling like ciggy.

5 Pens:
Obviously for writing and signing, duhhhh.

6 Flask:
the coffee in the office stinks, I need to add in something extra.

7 Purse:
I don’t use a wallet.

8 House phone:
my office is just across my house and I can get my house calls even when I am in the of

Meeting starts
*cricket sound*
ZZZzzZZZZZZZzzZZZzzzZZz
*snores*

Wakes up to sign papers and YAYY! It is over, after shaking the hands of the other directors and the rest of the people, I bid them good bye and see them next year. I walked across the one lane street and went into my house and had nuggets, sausages, toast with cheese, cauliflower and raw tomatoes for lunch. After which I continue to Sex Wax my surfboard and then proceed to the beach to surf.



The time was 7pm when I came back from the beach, only to be greeted by the orange sky. I don’t know about you, but it is pretty common here in Kuantan. After a nice warm bath, felt too tired to eat, so skipped dinner and did a finger exercise with the PS3. After that I decided to switch on my desktop only to do some blogging, only to be smack on the head by Lisa, who then send me off to bed after a cuppa Chamomile blend to help me sleep because I am suppose to wake up at 5am for surfing the next day. So I guess with her highness around, I won’t be able to produce as much post as I used to.Anyway, [*points to the right] enjoy episode one of the red groteskes TV which feature my proxy woa woa.

At a Clan Meeting

With just hours after we reached Kuantan, I got a phone call from Lisa, saying that me and my family are invited to a “little” dinner gathering at her place. And so I thought it was just going to be her family and my family kind of dinner. So I wanted to whip up something for dessert to impress her mum. So with short span of time on my side, I set out to make an apple pie that could be our dessert for that night. I had little time on my hands because since I came back, I have been doing laundry upon laundry. It took 3 loads to finished my entire luggage, then I had to swing by my office to clear off some paperwork before heading to supermarket to get the ingredient for the dessert which I had to rely on my memory on what to get because I didn’t have the recipe with me. But I think it came out pretty alright; don’t let the looks fool you. It actually taste and smell like apple pie and it was an instant hit at the dinner gathering with nothing left. It looks uneven on the top because I didn’t have a brush to spread the egg yolk on top before putting it the oven; instead I used a spoon. The apple pie I made was actually a traditional American Apple pie with Prune, raisins and orange juice in it.



Recipe for this pie is available at the xniquet-wiki – Traditional Apple Pie



And to think that it was just a family gathering really turned out to be somewhat like a clan gathering to me, Sekampung Bapak Lisa jemput [in Bahasa Melayu which means Lisa’s Dad invited a whole village]. I swear there were about 50 or more people there then again, it wasn’t outsiders, and it was all of Lisa’s family. From her cousins to aunties to uncles to all kind of relatives; it almost felt like Chinese New Year when everyone is around, but this time I don’t know most of them. I guess aborigine does stay very close to their family, that is why they are always looking for an excuse to celebrate, and this one was for me and Lisa, to welcome us back. I guess I could learn something from them, being such a big family and yet there are able to stay close to each other, whereas being the only two in my family, I haven’t even spoken to my sister for almost 3 years now. Anyway, this was more like a taste of what the wedding is going to be, God damn it, I am so not cut for weddings …

the one about x's wedding

Our flight has been delayed for 3 hours and I guess there will be sufficient time for one last post from LAX before I head home. It’s been a whole 2 months of fun for me and a month of fun for Lisa, even though I got sick 3 times here and I thank Cheeseburger Eddy for that but nevertheless he has been a great and tolerant host and a good friend. I love you man!!! (But not in a gay way) And for the record, after my humiliating lost, I manage to come back and defeat him in our little PS3’s WWE:”RAW vs Smackdown challenge but I didn’t manage to make Cheeseburger Eddy drink underwear brewed coffee because you know me, I am not that mean as everyone seems to put it. Instead he just has to cleanse his face and that is all. But he isn’t to use any ordinary facial cleanser but a ladies’ vaginal hygienic cleanser to wash his face. YAYY!!!!

I have never have much interest in politics but these days, the politics in Malaysia is better than a lot of TVB drama or Bollywood movies and it is hard trying to ignore it. I know everyone in Malaysia has been going like what the fuck happen to 9/16 - the power transition date? Come on we need some closure, please ask the chicken shit PM to meet out with DSAI and put everything out in the open and let us be the judge of who is full of shit. Is meeting up so difficult? If you’re so sure that DSAI is lying his ass off, which don’t you meet up with him and expose all his lies? As a fucking PM I think you should at least have the balls to do so instead of hiding like a fringing coward. Because Malaysia wants to know who is the delusional one.

But enough of politics already, here comes the important announcement. Yes, there is going to be a wedding but it ain’t going to be this year or anytime soon. We had a long talk and we agree that the best thing to do now is just to move in first before any date is being set. For the time being, we are just happy to be going home…

Tragic Romance

It has been a week since that day that left him on fire and longing for more. But everything seems to be at a standstill, he is just feeling the same old, same old nothing new. He just wants to feel something from all of this that will move him and prove to him that he loves her; he wants to have a heart that beats and bleeds, a heart that makes him wanna love, cry and scream and not this heart that is filled with barbwires twisted around it and keeping everything in and out of it. So he tried to say something that comes from within, trying to spark that lovey dovey feeling that seems to be lost. So he sat closer with her on the couch; he looked at her shinny eyes, kissed her cherry lips and said...
Her face went blank and He had explained what he meant and she couldn’t stop laughing and it took away every inch of romance that he wanted to spark and placed it at an all time low.