Where I Left Off That Day

playing on my iPod:
Ten Words - Joe Satriani

Another day, yet another nameless girl's expensive hair shampoo's stench keeps me awake even at this fucking hour. We had our fun from the moment we say our hellos right up to the part where we exchange bodily fluid and had carnal intercourse, but that is just about how close we get and nothing more. Right now, this is the beginning of the end of our single serving and short relationship. Come morning, we would be out of each other's life and we would just turn back into our own lifeless loathing self and pretend nothing ever happened last night. I have never been big on this whole random sex thing with strangers shit but when you are all alone, fishing at bars always seems a remedy. You would be surprise how a small town like this could ever have so many ladies ready and willing to be fucked by random strangers. I guess it is the monsoon season that is upon us, it can get pretty cold sleeping alone at night.

Too many at times, I could have sworn I have returned home with a C cup but only to see a B cup or less go home; sometimes I come home with a girl with flawless skin but only to see a face filled with pimples leave; How can it be that Cinderella spent a night with me, but it was her step sister that I found waking up next to me in the morning? You know, there was a fucking time when after a guy screws the girl, the girl would feel cheated the next morning. But now, it is the total opposite. Eye shadows, eyeliners, mascaras, high heels, fake eye lashes, fake boobies, fake ass everything, god damn it; we the guys living in this damn age been fucking had. And so the tables have fucking turned, and the guys are the suckers now. I'll be damned if I wake up next to a glass of water with fake denture in it. Seriously fuck that shit, that isn't what is really going on in my mind right now.

More than a month ago I left everyone saying that I needed time to find myself; I needed time to go out and really find a purpose in my god forsaken existence; I wanted to be disconnected from everyone, from my friends, my family; and without a reason I cancelled my wedding. As apathy fills me up like the air around me that fills my lungs, I started to build this chain link fences around me. The only thing I found is that my dependency on alcohol and substance is as high as ever, and I have lost taste in everything that I once favor.

All this because I lost someone dear to me? Not entirely, as a matter of fact, I lost 2 people that were close to me that day. The first one I guess you have already know. But I have never told a single soul about the later. But I am ready to bare my soul and expose this cancer that is building up inside me and is turning me into someone that is soaked up in apathy.

I caught her cheating; my fiance was cheating on me for God knows how long. I guess karma sure has a way of coming back and snapping you right on the ass for all the wrongs that you have done. None of our parents or friends knew about this, except for the fact that I was the motherless spoil brat who couldn't take the fucking pressure, took the easy way out by emptying out bottles after bottles and finally let everyone down by canceling the wedding. To them, I was the shameless villain and she was the saint-like innocent victim. Well, when it comes to weddings, this is strike two but I feel like I am already strike out. What has gone down would shatter the humblest man's pride but it is not just my pride but my heart that is broken into tiny shards that it even could pass through the eye of a needle. To think that I could possibly have a normal life, settle down and live happily ever after was wishful fucking thinking. But it is okay for me now, she is out of my life and now I am in a relationship with Ms. Jim Beam, Ms. Remy Martin, Ms. Bacardi and Ms. Absolute and I have them to take care of me, to comfort me and take me to places where I have never been. So this is finally the closure that I wanted to let out, just so you know in case I wake up the next morning and find myself having breakfast in Hades.