Insanity is Total Freedom

playing on my iPod:
Glamorous - Fergie Feat. Ludacris

Just a little pass midnight, I was fooling around with Facebook; I guess I was back to my old self, up to my mischief and trying to piss people off but it was just this little bit period of time because this was the only time of the day that I was clear in my head and not intoxicated. Somehow, little by little I found myself turning into a Facebook junkie.

Then a phone call came, it was... Susan, Sharon or was it Shannon? I fucking knew that number but I just don't remember her name. Well, whoever she was, she asked me to come by Swing bistro because she misses me. But it sounded to me like a distress call, she either needs me to bail her outta her fucking drinking bill or she is just plain bore. Since it was chilly after a whole pissing day of rain, I guess I could use someone's warmth in my bed tonight. It was a totally implied that once the knight in shinny armor rescues the damsel in distress at the bar and after a late supper, it was straight back to the lovers' shack where the knight would get all the reward due to him by the lady in the form of fucking. I tell you that when some of these ladies get horny, they could say and do things that are so grotesques that there aren't names for it. So fuck Facebook, I am outta here, I guess I wasn't much of a junkie after all.

When I reach there, she was dressed in a sexy hot-rod red bareback short dress that exposed most of her mouth watery bosom minus the nipples...was it June, Jane or Jennifer? I was too embarrassed to ask, so I greeted her with a hug instead. Gesture like this always works when you have totally forgotten the other fucking person's name; it makes them feel that you are fucking close to them and no chance in fucking hell would you forget their name. This was also a confidence booster for her because it somewhat reflects how into her I was even when I had only previously fucked her once. She was alone and so I guess it was boredom that made her called me. So we sat down and have our empty conversation filled with meaningless words, teasing and pleasing each other as we drink and drink and drink. Closing time was upon us but I was still clear in my head, partly because I haven't been drinking as much in the day time and the alcohol levels in my veins weren't sufficient to get to my brain or it could be my countless nights of alcohol abuse that has build up my tolerance towards that shit. We left in my car; no one was up for supper, so we totally fucked that off our agenda and move on to getting back home to fuck each other's brains out.

As I stopped at a traffic light and waited as the fucking countdown clock slowly ticks down, I looked to my right; just beside us was a white EX850 Kancil (small ass Malaysian made car) with a young couple in it. It was so fucking crapped in there, the couple's shoulders were almost touching each others. But something just fucking happened to me there and then. It was like what you might say a moment of clarity, there inside a sardine can size Kancil which cost only a tiny fraction of what I am driving now were coziness, warmness and love; here in my car which some people measure prestige with, there was emptiness, coldness and only lust. I remember a time when girls would fuck me for what I was and what I was becoming. Now the girls just wanna fuck me for what I have or what I fucking drive; bloody fucking hell, what I would do to go back in time where I didn't even own a fucking car and feel the feeling of driving my late wife around town in her mother's old Kenari (Yet another small ass Malaysian made car).

I turned to my left and look at this angel of lust in her most seraphic form; she was looking so hot and as horny as ever, she was ready and willing to fuck. The fucking aura that she was emitting outta her would give any sane male within the radius of 10 meters a fucking hard on. But I took a detour and ended up sending her home instead. I just couldn't go on with it tonight, not like this, not when I am feeling this way. Dirty guilt free sex with random strangers has finally lost its fucking choke hold on me; it no longer could fill this bottomless void inside of me.

After what I done or haven't done to her, I knew will never hear from her again. I just fucking left a dent on her confidence. Right about now she should be spending the rest of the night wondering what the hell was wrong with her. Weren't her breast big enough? Was it she weren't thin enough? Was it the way she dressed? Did she have body odor? Why the fuck did I blow her off when she was casting her sex spell on me? Did she lose all her power to charmed men? By the time morning comes, she would probably come to her senses and realized that the one with the fucking problem was me and she will fucking hate me for that. I guess I have just nailed in the last nail into my own sex coffin.

Whatever happened to me after I left, I have no fucking idea why and is not entirely proud of. I took another detour to the slums of this fucking town where transvestite terrorize the streets at this fucking hour. Only to find myself checking out the hot transvestites that this part of town had to offer. I even made a video clip but mind the quality of the video, it was dark and I don't have any high tech night vision video cam with me. Disturbing as it may be, these transvestites has the body shape and grace of a supermodel and I found it a breath of fresh air, totally enticing and exhilarating just by looking at them as they gracefully walk from car to car to solicit potential clients.

Hottest Tranny in Kuantan from xniquet on Vimeo.

The more disturbing part is why am I even doing here in checking out all these transvestites when I could have been banging "whatever her name was" like a drum. Sanity came back in check and here I am back in the studio blogging about this shit right here. But here's a little secret, I rather like it when insanity takes hold of me because everything I do seems to be justified, I don't need to abide to any fucking rules and I am free to say, do or bloody fuck anything I like without even thinking of any consequences. Insanity is total freedom to me.