Prelude: An Analingus Tale

With all the Chinese Lunar New Year still in the air, it is hard to shake off all the New Year’s fucktivity, I mean festivity. You know all I can think about now is the fucktivity that my dirty friends did when they made a sin trip up to Bangkok during the holidays. All the senseless orgy, butthole pleasure and dirty ass rimming that they do behind their wives’ back is simply legendary. After a night’s out with the boys, my mind is polluted with their live to tell stories. The places they stick their penises in is simple jaw dropping. I have been told that Analingus is the new sex a la mode; forget about the conventional blow jobs. Analingus of the way to go but that will all be revealed in another post call An Analingus Tale. But for now, this is just a pseudo blog post with no essence, just lame ass mundane shit that I did during the fucktivities, I mean festivities, after which you will see how pathetic my life really is and you will maybe learn to appreciate what you have even more.

So here are some pictures taken during a trip to a friend’s vegetable farm. I was actually trying to pick up some trade secrets on growing my own spice garden but everything about what I have now just seems to scream wrong.





My friend’s farm is located in Sg. Sol (about 9 clicks from Kuantan); this fucking farm is fucking huge and it is filled with chives which are great on garlic bread [recipe here];

There are baby Sarawak pineapples too;

This weird looking motherfucker is called “Misai Kuching” in Malay which translated means "Cat’s Whiskers." It is to be made into tea and it is great for you anorexic freak;

Not sure what this mother fuckers are called but they are great if you stir fried it with some wolf-berries;

And last but not least this is not a picture taken from the farm but from my very own spice garden. All fucked up by some fucking pest. I may not be Martha Fucking Stewart but I know that my mint leaves are screwed.

P.S. I was approached by a website and was asked to submit some of my writings; so currently I am working on a short story entitle “Father of All”. So that means less time to blog but I will definitely update y’all on what the short story is about.

Off to KL...

I will be off for a little while, things seem to be kicking off with the band and some promoting business to take care off. But first, I have some "Mee Limbu" business in Pasar Besar Seremban to take care of and entertain some other lame bloggers like me. I will be in KL for a week and will be off the blogging for a little while. So here is a little something for the road...

A Day in xniquet’s Busy Working Life

Sometimes I wonder how my life was going to be like if I am a clockwork white collar slave living in this laid back beach town. It’s been so long since I was a white collar plowing my ass off, but everything has changed since I came back to my home town. My routine are like biking, surfing, drinking, jamming with the band, play PlayStation or watch DVD till I pass out and repeat all over again and oh I miss something, blogging too. Life is so mundane back here, so much so that I have enough time to visit a cafeteria 7 times a day for two days, just to see a girl who later became my fiancé. But once every year, I get to play the role of a white collar slave and it is today. Because today is my company’s Annual General Meeting (AGM) where Shareholders and directors, company secretary and auditors are to hold a fucking meeting to adopt the year’s audited accounts, reappointment of auditor and other shit that they fucking list on the meeting’s agenda. It is so fucking boring, I wish they could just skip all the bullshit and fast forward to the part where I sign and leave; that would be great. I would have send my trusted proxy (woawoa) to attend the meeting on my behalf but she was just too busy barking at my neighbor’s chickens, so I just had to do it on my own. Besides I also wanted to know if there is any increment on the director’s fees. [Keeps finger cross].Like any other day, it started with me walking my proxy out to do her business and then a visit to my late wife’s resting place. Head home to do a little QiGong meditation and a working out to the Village People’s Macho Man. My breakfast this morning was GALI MEE (curry noodles)- It is a very common breakfast for the people in Kuantan and as usual my proxy will always be there when I am going to eat something.

These are the things that I brought to my meeting and every other day that I go in my office:

1 iPod:
A must have, I cannot live without it.

2 Pocket PC:
When I am in the toilet doing my business; I am particular fond of reading blogs in the toilet.

3 Sun Glasses:
In case it gets really sunny or I have to drive.

4 Cologne:
In case some dipshit decides to smoke in the meeting and leaving me smelling like ciggy.

5 Pens:
Obviously for writing and signing, duhhhh.

6 Flask:
the coffee in the office stinks, I need to add in something extra.

7 Purse:
I don’t use a wallet.

8 House phone:
my office is just across my house and I can get my house calls even when I am in the of

Meeting starts
*cricket sound*
ZZZzzZZZZZZZzzZZZzzzZZz
*snores*

Wakes up to sign papers and YAYY! It is over, after shaking the hands of the other directors and the rest of the people, I bid them good bye and see them next year. I walked across the one lane street and went into my house and had nuggets, sausages, toast with cheese, cauliflower and raw tomatoes for lunch. After which I continue to Sex Wax my surfboard and then proceed to the beach to surf.



The time was 7pm when I came back from the beach, only to be greeted by the orange sky. I don’t know about you, but it is pretty common here in Kuantan. After a nice warm bath, felt too tired to eat, so skipped dinner and did a finger exercise with the PS3. After that I decided to switch on my desktop only to do some blogging, only to be smack on the head by Lisa, who then send me off to bed after a cuppa Chamomile blend to help me sleep because I am suppose to wake up at 5am for surfing the next day. So I guess with her highness around, I won’t be able to produce as much post as I used to.Anyway, [*points to the right] enjoy episode one of the red groteskes TV which feature my proxy woa woa.

Cooking Bobo's Dish

I have done this post for some time ago. But I just couldn’t figure out why? You see some time ago I did this, “xniquet’s what is your dish challenge“thing on my blog; basically I will create a dish based on a person that I have talked to and have come to know. And so far, I have only done 2. The first one being The Binksterz Jello which was Pinksterz’s dish and Evie Eggie Egg Dish which was a dish to help EB ovulate and get pregnant. Since then I haven’t done any because I was stuck trying to decipher the dish I did for bobo. And after months, I have finally remembered.



Firstly let me introduced bobo’s dish; it is made up of two dishes actually. The first one which looks like Chee Cheong Fun (famous Chinese dish made out of rice, Hongkies love to have them for breakfast) and the other is a very non-Halal claypot dish, pork with red dates.



As you can see, this isn’t the normal Chee Cheong Fun dish; the Chee Cheong Fun is actually coated with crushed oaths and then fried; this is to let it have an extra crisp on the outside but still retains the softness inside. The sauce of the Chee Cheong Fun dish is not the normal Chinese sweet thick sauce that is usually served with. But it is soy sauce with mint and dash of lemon to give it a refreshing feel to it. The important ingredient to this sauce is actually the soy sauce used, which is River Pearl Bridge superior soy sauce. Served with chopped fresh spring onions and sesame, this doesn’t really taste like the conventional Chee Cheong Fun because it has the minty and sour taste to stimulate the taste bud.



The second dish is actually, chopped up pork, red dates and some black beans paste put together and then steamed in a clay pot. This dish actually goes side by side with the Chee Cheong Fun dish, because their taste compliments each other.

Now coming to the part where I have been trying to remember. Why did I done this dish and how this dish relates to bobo. You see, Chee Cheong Fun is a very familiar dish to most of us; I am sure most Chinese knows how it tastes like. But I have given this dish a little twist by tweaking the sauce into a refreshing minty and lemon scented sauce. You see on the first day that I chatting with bobo on the MSN, somehow I felt this familiarity feeling; just like we were old friends chatting away when we barely knew each other and in it all she was a breath of fresh air then and even to this day. So there you have it the first dish and it’s decipher. As for the second dish, it really has no resemblance but only the fact that it is a Teo Chew dish, she is Teo Chew and I am one too.



more xniquet's what is your dish challenge






xniquet-wiki article available for this person - recipe for bobo's dish

How to be Anorexic

Anorexia is latest trend that is spreading across the world, it originated from Ethiopia. Anorexia is not a fucking disease, but it is a lifestyle. It is something that you should embrace and cherish if you want to be one of the beautiful people. By reading this article, you are on your way on becoming beautiful. So I welcome to the world of the thin and beautiful… that is right I am talking about you FATTY!!!!

How to be an anorexic

Step one
Look at yourself in the mirror fatty and be sick with all the fats and excess meat that is taken over your body. Keep telling yourself you are fat and ugly. Ask your friends, but when they answer that you are not, they are merely telling a white lie just to make you feel better. The fact is you are fat and ugly, and anorexic is the cure to the fucking disease of being fat and ugly.

Step two
Hands off the food Fatty! Fuck up your relationship with Food. Make sure you get sick by the mere mentioned about eating, kitchens, cutlery, refrigerators, restaurants and another that has got to do with food. Eating is for fat people and beautiful people don’t eat. You do wanna be beautiful right?

Step three
Invert pain and punishment on your fat ass for even thinking about food or craving it. The best way is to pluck out some pubic hair every time you think about eating; if you have none, resort to using a rubber band and flick it on your nipples or ear lobe every time you think of food. No pain No gain baby!

Step Four
Hey, you are not just fat but silly, being an anorexic doesn’t mean you don’t eat at all; you do eat but you eat at a minimum. And the only food source of a true anorexic is air. Be sure to acquire the art of preparing, cooking and serving air for all your meals. But don’t overdo it okie? You don’t want air to ruin your diet right?

Master the above steps and you will be on your way on becoming one of the beautiful people. Remember you are fat and ugly, food is evil and every time when I person tells you that you are too thin and you should be eating, that person either mocking you or trying to make you fatter so that she gets all the lime light. Use this picture on the left as your target, happy trying!!!

shoot me again, i ain't dead yet

You might have heard it a “Googilion” times from your mother, your gym instructor, your nutritionist … telling you that your fucking breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Most of my fucking life, I used to ignore it because who in the fuck would have an appetite to eat when you have just woken up, all your gastric juice in your stomach is still frozen and shit during your night of sleep and it would take some time to fucking melt it. Draining down a Big Gulp filled with Pepsi or popping a can of Pepsi has been my daily morning staple for many years in my teens then I grew up and started getting more sophisticated, instead just a just soda, I made myself Coffee Royal to kick start my day. (don’t try this if you have a rule of non-alcohol before 12pm policy) No wonder I always label myself as a “not a morning person”. I can only fully start my engine in the afternoon, at least until I get a decent meal. But recent months (before my accident), surfing in the morning requires a lot from me and riding the waves with just a can of Pepsi or a glass of Coffee Royal just didn’t do me any justice. I need to refuel to fully ride the waves. Therefore I have been having heavy breakfast every morning before going surfing and it did improved my surfing. It was hard at first but as time moved by and the motivation of having strength to get better waves it has become a habit now. So this is what I basically have in the mornings that I go surfing.

dry toast – carbohydrate for energy
baked potato - carbohydrate for energy
salad (I have found that celery with a dash of lemon and salt with bread taste kinda like cheese) – to help me shit
eggs/beacon/sausages – protein and cholesterol for cell regeneration and also to make me die faster.

On mornings which I need to go in the studio or office, I would take muesli and dry fruits. Instead of washing it down with a glass of orange juice, I always drain down a glass of water mixed with 3 teaspoon of Apple Cider Vinegar. I guess it is way better than OJ because it has a lower content in sugar but what do I know, I practically flush Pepsi down mt throat like water daily. I have been asked by my surfing friends to take it easy because I have just recovered from my injuries and maybe I should take it down a fucking notch, but time isn’t on my side, because some wise man said that time and “tide” waits for no man, and I wouldn’t wanna go against any wise men right? I guess the waves has to take a better shot at me because I ain’t dead yet. Lastly, there is another saying; your body is your temple so you have to take care of it. But too bad I am not a religious person; therefore, I will just let my temple crumble.