Going Home

playing on my iPod:
Open Your Eyes - Alter Bridge

The first thing they teach you when bringing a hooker to a hotel for the night is never show up with her at the lobby at the same time. Instead ask her to chill outside while you go through the bullshit red tape of getting a room. Once you are done, head up to room alone and then text her your room number. Never in any circumstances be caught together in the elevator or even walking within 5 meters of each other. I mean you can never be too careful when you are engaging a sex transaction in Malaysia. You know what, since I am talking about this shit right here, it does put me in a position of a regular whore customer who does this all the time huh? But again, hookers are not the only ones that you bring to a hotel for the night. When you are having an affair with another person's wife, these are the little things that you pick up along the way; you just gotta be more careful when you are a mounting someone's wife than just a hooker. But it just wasn't tonight; I broke every single fucking rule that I could think of that is listed in the unwritten book of fornicators under the chapter of "Getting a room to fornicate" Thanks to the half tablet that was dissolved in my beer which I drain down like an extra strong maxi-pad while I was in the Golden Bar, I was fucking high and almost drunk when we reach the hotel and Noi was with me all the way, from the lobby to the room.

The room was a cozy with two single beds; I actually requested it that way because the last thing I wanna do was sleeping and cuddling with someone I just met from a bar; for fucks sake, I don't even enjoy cuddling with any of my lovers. As we stepped in room, I asked Noi to go take a shower or do whatever she is supposed to do and I told her to take her fucking time because I was going to steal a nap before the party starts. But as I lay my head on the soft pillow and wrapped myself with the comfortable duvet, I felt like I was cemented unto the bed. Every inch of my body refused to move and it almost feels like I was paralyzed. From there, all I could remember was Noi coming up to me but I brushed her away and asked her to off the fucking lights, the next thing I know I woke up in the morning, only to find Noi sleeping on the other bed. As for any fucking action, I can be very sure that none took place because I was still fully clothed and still stink of yester-night's cigarette and alcohol stench. I showered and then woke Noi up then I took her out for breakfast before dropping her off. I guess there is something about not getting it on with Noi last night that made me feel good, my spirit was lifted and I didn't even bother about being seen leaving the hotel with her. Even though others might think otherwise about what happened last night, but to me nothing happened and I was fucking proud of it. Though my wallet is RM400 thinner but it was an experience that counts. So I have officially engaged the service of a whore minus the sex and now can go around calling myself macho and brag about it. To be frank, my intention last night was to go back to the hotel, get high with booze and pills and see what happens but it rather turn out nothing. Noi being the professional treated last night as a legitimate deal and spoke nothing of it. But deep down inside I think I know she is smiling all the way, because she was a client richer and she didn't have to break a fucking sweat or fake an orgasm for it.

It was one of those awkward breakfasts because I was the type who doesn't know what to say to a hooker the next morning and she definitely didn't want to remind me that I was a fucking dead corpse last night and then having me ask for the money back. The uncomfortable silence was like a pinch in the nuts, so I ended it by telling her that whatever happens last night, just leave it all behind us and use whatever time we got to have a nice breakfast and a good conversation. I thought I saw her let go a sight of relieve as she digs in her morning meal. Our conversation was just small empty talks about the mundane and everyday life, but it got interesting when she suddenly open up and shared about her life and how she ended up here. You see her father was a hardcore serial gambler that got himself into some serious debt with the local loan shark; Noi had no choice but to work for them. She was first promised work as a cleaning lady in Malaysia but that wasn't how it went down when she reached here. The initial stage when she was here, she just couldn't take it. She was locked up in houses and apartments, transported like livestock to bars, brothel or SPA, wherever girls are needed, she was to be send there. Guys of all shapes and sizes, race and age have a crack on her; she felt so filthy and couldn't imagine herself being this low. She tried to end her own life but didn't succeed; in turn her employers threaten her that if she dies, he father's debt will never be clear and her younger sister will eventually take her place. Her contract was that she has to work as a sex worker in Malaysia for 5 years to clear off her father's debt and she has to sleep with at least 800 clients per year. Man, talking about having a hard life and even though I do have my downside in my life but not this low. I asked her how she finally comes in terms with herself and what she is doing. She told me that even though she hates what she is and even when the society look down on her like a immoral degenerate scourging and plaguing the earth with sickness and disease, deep down inside she know that she is doing all these for her family and securing a future for her younger sister and there is no shame in doing something for her family. But if given a chance, she rather be in another profession than this. Whatever she told me, lay heavy in my heart for my action last night makes me as guilty as any other horny bastards who look at Noi as an object to quench our carnal desire and not knowing that the shit that she has been through. She has definitely opened my eyes and I have a whole different view on prostitutes.

She smiled as she left my car. I silently wished her all the strength and wellness in the world as she turned and walked into her living hell of which I have come to know as the Golden Bar. Even though, I never really know her that well but the story of her life left a dent in my heart. All this while I was pissed and frustrated with the way my life is going and heading; and at so many times, I came so close in ending it. But here, I am destined to meet someone who is suffering more than me and on top of that, she can't even bail out on her life. I have been traveling aimlessly around and finally it took a stranger to make me realize that I should head home and face whatever that reminds me of my pain?

I'm going home...

*All the above took place almost a week ago, but I just took my sweet time to blog about it. Currently I am back but camping out in the studio and trying to see what is next for me*