Cast Aside Thy Fagot Ways and Be Porn Again

In my iPod: Teardrop - Massive Attack
State of mind: Shrouded by confusion
Location: Cherating

It rhymes doesn't it? But it's true. Grom was my classmate since my high school days. A little chubby that is why he's got man boobies and the way he walks is probably the biggest giveaway that he is a fagot. To be frank, we never had any concrete proof like seeing him with a dick in his mouth or having a dick stuck up his ass, but deep down inside it was just our fucking gut that tells us that he is the real fag deal.

But all the guessing came to an end a couple of month ago when I accidentally bump into him at a friend's house warming. I knew it was him right away, how could I forget those man boobies. In fact they look bigger and perkier than before; it could be the skin tight top that he was wearing. Anyway, he couldn't have caught me at a better time because I was practically intoxicated by all the Passport scotch that the host's party bartender has been pouring me. Fuck I think I must have finished a bottle on my own.

Our conversation started pretty much like how any normal two person who haven't seen each other since high school would, exchanging all that fucking How, What, Where and Who kind of bullshit questions that we try to fucking pretend we care about. But somehow the scotch must have diluted my sanity and to me when the alcohol level in your body hit that certain stage, everything is laissez-faire for the night. You can say any goddamn thing you want and fucking get away with it. So I was just being my usual my-asshole-self when I told him straight to the face that I was just trying to be polite and pretending to take interest in what is going in his life but the true fact is I don't give a crap about it and the only thing I wanna fucking know is whether is he a fucking fagot and has he taken it in the ass?

Usually, when someone is being bombarded with such rude questions, he would either show me the middle finger or just fucking walk off. But Grom told me that he was fucking impress with my bluntness and honesty. But I am guessing that maybe he didn't have many friends and when my straight to the point question hits him between the eyes, he fucking thought that I wanted to have a heart to heart session with him. So he started telling me shit that I didn't really wanna hear but for the sake of knowing if he is a fag, I listened on.

He told me that he wasn't sure he was gay until he left high school; he fell in love with a man who is his co-worker and they got real close but broke up after that guy had go to Singapore for a better offer. The sex between them was great but it is just the long distance and being apart from each other thing that forced them to split. You know what, all the scotch in me wanted to come out in reverse after listening to his fucking gay love story. I swear to fucking god I would have slap his fucking teeth off and send him back to Banda Acheh if he ever try to elaborate about his fucking gay sex with his partner. No he isn't from Banda Acheh but I like to think that all weird Malays comes from there. Probably that is why the fucking Tsunami nearly wiped them off the fucking face of this earth. Alright racial issues aside, I just got my fucking confirmation, I was right-on-the-dot right, he was the real deal; the man boobies and the way he walks are not birth defects, but a sign telling the world he was gay.

Then he went on telling me that lately he is in the state of confusion because after years of getting over his ex, he thinks he is now in love again. But this fucking time it was with a girl. He can still accept the fact that he might be a bisexual but for the girl's sake, he wanted to rid of all his gayness and be straight for her.

You know what, a man in love has the zeal of a religious freak with a bomb strapped up his ass. He is ready to fucking blow himself away to martyrdom but broken into pieces is what's really in store for that fucker. The drunkard asshole in me saw this and just wanted to fuck up his mind. So I told him that it is not by chance but by fate that the both of us meet today. And maybe I was sent by the fucking divine to help him cast away all the gayness and earn back his heterosexual salvation. The way to be straight is to do what other straight guys do, that is to watch heap loads of good old heterosexual porn all the time, anytime and masturbate at least twice a day. In other words, his mind must be cleansed of gigantic penis or huge dicks and be replaced with hair pie pussies and cantaloupe-size tits. If he ever wants to enter the heavenly kingdom of heterosexism, he must cast away all thy fagot ways, be porn again and let the almighty power of porn and masturbation transform him into a fucking straight. In the fucking name of Father, Son and Jenna Jameson, Amen!

I thought that would be the last time I will be hearing from him. Come on man, who the fuck would take me seriously? I know I wouldn't. But just a couple of days ago, I got a phone call from Grom, thanking me for helping him. He actually followed my advice and did what I fucking told him to. He said that it was hard at first not to think about guys when he masturbate but with the divine power of porn on his side, he has overcome and now he gets aroused looking at hot naked women. In other words he was really porn again. Another thing why he was calling me was that he wanted to borrow some porn DVD from me because getting porn DVD in Kuantan is really a pain in the ass and the fucking internet at his area is fucking shit. It takes forever to download porn. I told him I have none but I think he wouldn't believe me. So I told him he could copy all my porn clips that I have. Trust me it is totally un-cool to lend your porn DVD to your friend when you clearly know what the fuck he is going to do with it. I don't want having an extra stain on the DVD when it is returned to me.

He came over that night with a portable hard disk to copy every single drop of porn clip that I have stored and with the widest grin on his porn junkie face, he gave me a VCD. He said that I can keep it because he has 2 exact copies of it. Fuck the porn vendors these days, they just fucking change the label but the shit inside is the same. He has a dozen of duplicate disc. Which lead to me guessing, just how much porn does he has stash in his place?

Should I be happy? ‘Cause I have managed to help someone become straight but in the process I have become somewhat a porn evangelist that has helped spawn a porn addict. I don't know if any of you have read Victor Hugo's Les Miserables but I fucking feel like I'm the fucking bishop and Grom was Jean Valijean the ex-convict. Instead of giving him candlestick and money, I was handing him porn and asking him to never ever forget that he had promised to use the porn to make himself a new man.

You know all this gay talk has left me feeling tainted with gayness, before the gay venom sinks deeper into me, I better conjure up a sepia image in my head of the girl I think I have fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-feeling for right now.