Cast Aside Thy Fagot Ways and Be Porn Again

In my iPod: Teardrop - Massive Attack
State of mind: Shrouded by confusion
Location: Cherating

It rhymes doesn't it? But it's true. Grom was my classmate since my high school days. A little chubby that is why he's got man boobies and the way he walks is probably the biggest giveaway that he is a fagot. To be frank, we never had any concrete proof like seeing him with a dick in his mouth or having a dick stuck up his ass, but deep down inside it was just our fucking gut that tells us that he is the real fag deal.

But all the guessing came to an end a couple of month ago when I accidentally bump into him at a friend's house warming. I knew it was him right away, how could I forget those man boobies. In fact they look bigger and perkier than before; it could be the skin tight top that he was wearing. Anyway, he couldn't have caught me at a better time because I was practically intoxicated by all the Passport scotch that the host's party bartender has been pouring me. Fuck I think I must have finished a bottle on my own.

Our conversation started pretty much like how any normal two person who haven't seen each other since high school would, exchanging all that fucking How, What, Where and Who kind of bullshit questions that we try to fucking pretend we care about. But somehow the scotch must have diluted my sanity and to me when the alcohol level in your body hit that certain stage, everything is laissez-faire for the night. You can say any goddamn thing you want and fucking get away with it. So I was just being my usual my-asshole-self when I told him straight to the face that I was just trying to be polite and pretending to take interest in what is going in his life but the true fact is I don't give a crap about it and the only thing I wanna fucking know is whether is he a fucking fagot and has he taken it in the ass?

Usually, when someone is being bombarded with such rude questions, he would either show me the middle finger or just fucking walk off. But Grom told me that he was fucking impress with my bluntness and honesty. But I am guessing that maybe he didn't have many friends and when my straight to the point question hits him between the eyes, he fucking thought that I wanted to have a heart to heart session with him. So he started telling me shit that I didn't really wanna hear but for the sake of knowing if he is a fag, I listened on.

He told me that he wasn't sure he was gay until he left high school; he fell in love with a man who is his co-worker and they got real close but broke up after that guy had go to Singapore for a better offer. The sex between them was great but it is just the long distance and being apart from each other thing that forced them to split. You know what, all the scotch in me wanted to come out in reverse after listening to his fucking gay love story. I swear to fucking god I would have slap his fucking teeth off and send him back to Banda Acheh if he ever try to elaborate about his fucking gay sex with his partner. No he isn't from Banda Acheh but I like to think that all weird Malays comes from there. Probably that is why the fucking Tsunami nearly wiped them off the fucking face of this earth. Alright racial issues aside, I just got my fucking confirmation, I was right-on-the-dot right, he was the real deal; the man boobies and the way he walks are not birth defects, but a sign telling the world he was gay.

Then he went on telling me that lately he is in the state of confusion because after years of getting over his ex, he thinks he is now in love again. But this fucking time it was with a girl. He can still accept the fact that he might be a bisexual but for the girl's sake, he wanted to rid of all his gayness and be straight for her.

You know what, a man in love has the zeal of a religious freak with a bomb strapped up his ass. He is ready to fucking blow himself away to martyrdom but broken into pieces is what's really in store for that fucker. The drunkard asshole in me saw this and just wanted to fuck up his mind. So I told him that it is not by chance but by fate that the both of us meet today. And maybe I was sent by the fucking divine to help him cast away all the gayness and earn back his heterosexual salvation. The way to be straight is to do what other straight guys do, that is to watch heap loads of good old heterosexual porn all the time, anytime and masturbate at least twice a day. In other words, his mind must be cleansed of gigantic penis or huge dicks and be replaced with hair pie pussies and cantaloupe-size tits. If he ever wants to enter the heavenly kingdom of heterosexism, he must cast away all thy fagot ways, be porn again and let the almighty power of porn and masturbation transform him into a fucking straight. In the fucking name of Father, Son and Jenna Jameson, Amen!

I thought that would be the last time I will be hearing from him. Come on man, who the fuck would take me seriously? I know I wouldn't. But just a couple of days ago, I got a phone call from Grom, thanking me for helping him. He actually followed my advice and did what I fucking told him to. He said that it was hard at first not to think about guys when he masturbate but with the divine power of porn on his side, he has overcome and now he gets aroused looking at hot naked women. In other words he was really porn again. Another thing why he was calling me was that he wanted to borrow some porn DVD from me because getting porn DVD in Kuantan is really a pain in the ass and the fucking internet at his area is fucking shit. It takes forever to download porn. I told him I have none but I think he wouldn't believe me. So I told him he could copy all my porn clips that I have. Trust me it is totally un-cool to lend your porn DVD to your friend when you clearly know what the fuck he is going to do with it. I don't want having an extra stain on the DVD when it is returned to me.

He came over that night with a portable hard disk to copy every single drop of porn clip that I have stored and with the widest grin on his porn junkie face, he gave me a VCD. He said that I can keep it because he has 2 exact copies of it. Fuck the porn vendors these days, they just fucking change the label but the shit inside is the same. He has a dozen of duplicate disc. Which lead to me guessing, just how much porn does he has stash in his place?

Should I be happy? ‘Cause I have managed to help someone become straight but in the process I have become somewhat a porn evangelist that has helped spawn a porn addict. I don't know if any of you have read Victor Hugo's Les Miserables but I fucking feel like I'm the fucking bishop and Grom was Jean Valijean the ex-convict. Instead of giving him candlestick and money, I was handing him porn and asking him to never ever forget that he had promised to use the porn to make himself a new man.

You know all this gay talk has left me feeling tainted with gayness, before the gay venom sinks deeper into me, I better conjure up a sepia image in my head of the girl I think I have fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-feeling for right now.

Going to CaliPORNia: a visit to the sex shop

Besides shopping for our cowboy gears, being in CaliPORNia isn’t complete if you haven’t visit one of the educational sex shop in LA. Man, I tell you I thought that I have already have a degree in porn but after visiting the Pleasure Chest sex shop in LA, really make all my porn knowledge feels like high school level porn. But I think it is great that we went there because I manage to learn about cool sex toy that I never knew existed and not to mentioned dropping a few of them into my shopping cart.









Vibrating Cock ring
A cock ring is most often used to make an erect penis harder and bigger, to keep it that way for a longer amount of time, and to delay and heighten orgasm. Cock rings work by constricting blood flow, keeping blood in the shaft of the penis. When a wearer finally does ejaculate, the sensation is more intense, since it took a longer time to come, and because the penis is filled with additional blood., I didn’t purchase any cock ring if you wanna know and even thought Lisa was pestering me to get one because it looks cute.











Jelly Vibrating Anal beads
Anal beads, also known as “Thai beads“(I don’t know if the Thais invented it or not) are a series of beads either attached to a string or solid piece of soft rubber, designed for anal penetration. At the handle end, there will be a large hoop or something else to allow the user to pull the beads out, and to prevent the entire string from slipping up into the rectum. Vibrating Anal Beads has small vibrator attached in the bead for enhanced stimulation. Nope, I didn’t get this, I have shit-phobia and anal is way too much for me to handle.











Wireless Nipple clams
Everything is going fucking wireless these days, even nipple clams. A nipple clamp is a clamp used to stimulate the nipples by applying varying degrees of pressure. Its basic principle relies on restriction of blood flow to the erect nipple. Wireless nipple clamps are comfortable, independent clamps that offer a sensual vibration. The rubber coating allows them to be non-chaffing during use. The turn screw is for tightening the clamps for just the right amount of pressure. You know I wish it comes with a slight electric shock, wouldn’t that add more fun to it? I am tempted to get this one but only with the shock feature.











Bondage tape
Bondage tape is a 2-3 inch wide strip of thin plastic material that adheres only to itself, without any adhesive, that is typically intended to be used in erotic bondage. Since it does not stick to the hair or skin, a bottom can be tightly bound and/or gagged without causing harm when the tape is removed. I got lots of these, I mean this is 100 times better than using duck tape right? because I pity the ones who always have to play the victim.












There are just too much sophisticated toys lying all around the store and I have no time to really named them and also learn the many many genres of porno movies which I would probably do it in another post. You know, after stepping out of the store with my newly acquired knowledge on porn, I feel like I am a walking porn encyclopedia. Sadly, besides the bondage tapes, I didn’t get any cool toys, come on how I am going to pass by the customs when I go back to Malaysia. You fucking know how uptight the Malaysian government is these days. Anyway, Lisa found me fooling on the internet again during my sleeping hour and we made a pack that if she ever caught me cheating on her with the internet, I am supposed to go to church with her. So I guess I have to keep my word and go to church with her the next week, even though I promised her that I would go but I didn’t promise what to wear. YAYY!!!!

Scandals that might just work for Sarah Palin

You know, I have been a pro Obama supporter ever since I found out that he was black. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a nigga US president? But right after both the presidential candidate announced their vice president, Obama announced Biden who is like 100 times older than him or maybe everyone else on this planet, but McCain did the fucking right move of announcing hot MILF who is also the governor of Alaska to be his vice president. God Damn it, she is so fine and I am already turned into a McCain supporter. Obama who? Even though she was subjected to an intense amount of media scrutiny especially on the net since after being John McCain’s vice presidential pick one week ago, but she still got my vote because she reminds me of my secondary school Biology teacher Mrs. Lau. God damn it, every time I listen to Guns N’ Roses’ So Fine, I still can recall how Mrs Lau looks. With her hair tie back and up and her thick black plastic framed glasses and her cheap panty hose and high heels. It was indeed an eye tart for all of the guys who sat near the door. I believe I speak for all the guys in my class when I say wild thoughts escape every time Mrs Lau walks by.





But coming back to Sarah Palin, here are some of the nasty things that say on the net:

• Sarah Palin was involved in yet another ethical scandal, this time relating to her firing of a longtime local police chief, who “says he was fired because he stepped on the toes of Palin’s campaign contributors, including bar owners and the National Rifle Association. All Politicians does it, no big deal.

• Although the McCain campaign has stressed her command of the Alaska National Guard as “experience,” Palin never issued a single order. Could be, I don’t know.

• Sarah Palin is the grandmother, and not the mother, of Trig Palin. This theory holds that Palin did not give birth to her son Trig in April, and was actually covering up for her daughter, Bristol. FUUUU!!!! Like desperate housewives’ plot, if so, she isn’t a MILF, but a GILF (but she is still hot).

• But this one (picture below), I think they should forget about the truth on this one because this picture is going to pull in votes for her and not against her. I mean who can resist this fine picture of Sarah Palin, I think if she could be in one of them series in Naughty American’s Bookworm Bitches, she will be a hit. But for now, she still got my votes.

I spy with my eyes...hot Malay models in the dresser

I was sitting on my usual seat in my cyber café on a Sunday afternoon which was situation on the 2nd floor of a shopping mall. There was shit lot of commotion going on the ground floor of that mall because there was some fucking Malay wedding festival going on there. Usually I wouldn’t give a fuck on what is happening down there, but until some hot Malay models that showed up. Well, to be frank, there was only two hot ones, the rest of them was too tall and skinny, from far I could have sworn they look like skinny guys in dresses. All of them were there to take part in the bridal fashion show. As I looked down from my first class seat in my cyber café, I couldn’t help but notice that there was a huge uncovered area in the changing area, of which I was instantaneously and accidentally turned into a voyeur. [Definition of Voyeurism from the wiki: the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or urinating and a Voyeur can define someone who receives enjoyment from witnessing the above activities.] So armed with only the fucking webcam from my seat, I would do what a blogger does best, snaps lotsa picture and blog about it. But being that I could be slap with a lawsuit because in most country voyeurism is a sex crime therefore, I will just keep the juicy picture to myself and published some that gives you a rough taste of how it is to be a voyeur. Anyway, this isn’t something we should be proud of because I am not very into voyeurism; I prefer it when it is done intentionally. Anyway, I hope the management of the mall do something about the huge hole in the dressing room, if not I will just have to do something about it, like building a peek show booth in my cyber café for the next fashion show, hmmm I think there is another fashion show coming up soon and I will be damned if the next fashion fair will be a swimwear fair.

Lastly I leave you with my favorite piece by French painter Fragonard's The Swing depicts a voyeur hidden in the bushes. As the lady goes high on the swing, he tries to take a take a mental picture of her exposed genitals since there wasn’t such a thing as digital camera during that period, but we sure hell know that voyeurism has been there for some time and who am I to let this tradition die off?

marilyn monroe's sex video from the 1950s...

Just this morning I got an email with a attachment to a porn. So what’s new? I bet you guys get it all the time. What use is the internet if not to facilitate exchange of fuck up porn. But this was different; it wasn’t the usual sex leak video about a Taiwan uni student with 2 guys or your health minister sex-cape with his good friend. This was in another league of its own. Have you ever seen a porn made in the 1950s? This explicit footage appears to have it all and it has been shot in the 1950's and it feature some hardcore action. I cannot believe they fuck like this in the 50's, I thought all they did back then was the dead fish or missionary position! But this old footage has sex toys, cowgirl position, tity fucking, reverse cowgirl, 69 and doggy style action. WTF, I really cannot fucking believe my eyes, and it is said that this footage might belong to the Sex Goddess. When you say sex goddess, only one person comes to mind. The ever sexy, big breasted, blonde who is the wet dream of every little and big boy alike – Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortensen; June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962), was a Golden Globe award winning American actress, singer, model, Hollywood icon, cultural icon, beauty ideal, fashion icon, pop icon and sex symbol. She was known for her comedic acting roles and screen presence. Monroe became one of the most popular movie stars of the 1950s and early 1960s. During the later stages of her career, she worked towards serious roles and her fame surpassed that of any other entertainer of her time. Her premature death was classified as a "probable suicide". Many individuals including Jack Clemmons, the first LAPD Police officer to arrive at the death scene believed that she was murdered. Forget about her oral sex tape that was recently sold (currently the FBI is trying to figure out if the unknown dick being suck belongs to John F Kennedy). But if they can authenticate the actress in the explicit video I got this morning as Marilyn Monroe, I think I will hear the unnamed business man who bought the oral sex tape $1.5 million screaming from the top of his lung for paying the amount of money. Anyway, if its really her, it would feel really weird, watching a dead person in porn, it is just like watching a snuff film. Eewwww, that is so gross. I know it isn’t snuff but it feels like it. Anyway, to increase the general knowledge of “knowing thy porn” to my loyal readers, I have also included the type of porn or subcategories and a little explanation, so that you would know what to download next time.

Known Thy Porn

Amateur pornography

is a category of pornography that features models or actors performing without pay, or for whom this material is their first or only paid modeling work. The label is also sometimes applied to professionally-produced pornography which mimics genuinely amateur work.

Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism

is the sexual attraction to materials and objects not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature. Body parts may also be the subject of sexual fetishes (also known as partialism) in which the body part preferred by the fetishist takes a sexual precedence over the owner. Sexual fetishism may be regarded as a disorder of sexual preference, or as an enhancing element to a relationship.

Homosexuality

refers to sexual behavior or attraction between people of the same sex, or to a sexual orientation. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality refers to "an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectional, or romantic attractions primarily to" people of the same sex; "it also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them.

Group sex or Orgy

is sexual behavior involving more than two participants at the same time. The main focus of this page is group sex among humans; however, group sex also exists with other species in the animal kingdom - e.g., sheeps, cows, ponies, fish.

Pornography based on the ethnicity of performers or interracial pornography

is pornography that depicts sexual activity between performers of different ethnic groups. i.e.: Chinese and Malay, Malay and Keling or Keling and Chinese…etc

Voyeurism or Hidden Cam

is the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or urinating. The word derives from French verb voir (to see) with the -eur suffix that translates as -er in English. A literal translation would then be “seer” or "observer", with pejorative connotations.

Snuff film, or snuff movie

depicts the actual killing of a human being (without the aid of special effects or other trickery) perpetrated for the medium of film for the purpose of entertainment and distribution.

I know there are many more sub-catagories nowadays but for general knowledge purpose, I could only come up with these at this time. Alright, before you come to a conclusion that I am

what your mind says?

Thanks for the disturbing video clip, it was more like watching a historical lesson than porn...drop me a mail if any of you want the clip (62MB).

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