Scandals that might just work for Sarah Palin

You know, I have been a pro Obama supporter ever since I found out that he was black. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a nigga US president? But right after both the presidential candidate announced their vice president, Obama announced Biden who is like 100 times older than him or maybe everyone else on this planet, but McCain did the fucking right move of announcing hot MILF who is also the governor of Alaska to be his vice president. God Damn it, she is so fine and I am already turned into a McCain supporter. Obama who? Even though she was subjected to an intense amount of media scrutiny especially on the net since after being John McCain’s vice presidential pick one week ago, but she still got my vote because she reminds me of my secondary school Biology teacher Mrs. Lau. God damn it, every time I listen to Guns N’ Roses’ So Fine, I still can recall how Mrs Lau looks. With her hair tie back and up and her thick black plastic framed glasses and her cheap panty hose and high heels. It was indeed an eye tart for all of the guys who sat near the door. I believe I speak for all the guys in my class when I say wild thoughts escape every time Mrs Lau walks by.





But coming back to Sarah Palin, here are some of the nasty things that say on the net:

• Sarah Palin was involved in yet another ethical scandal, this time relating to her firing of a longtime local police chief, who “says he was fired because he stepped on the toes of Palin’s campaign contributors, including bar owners and the National Rifle Association. All Politicians does it, no big deal.

• Although the McCain campaign has stressed her command of the Alaska National Guard as “experience,” Palin never issued a single order. Could be, I don’t know.

• Sarah Palin is the grandmother, and not the mother, of Trig Palin. This theory holds that Palin did not give birth to her son Trig in April, and was actually covering up for her daughter, Bristol. FUUUU!!!! Like desperate housewives’ plot, if so, she isn’t a MILF, but a GILF (but she is still hot).

• But this one (picture below), I think they should forget about the truth on this one because this picture is going to pull in votes for her and not against her. I mean who can resist this fine picture of Sarah Palin, I think if she could be in one of them series in Naughty American’s Bookworm Bitches, she will be a hit. But for now, she still got my votes.

Post Concert Syndrome

I am not sure if you all have heard of it but I am sure many of you have felt it but didn’t know what it is. Post Concert Syndrome is actually the feeling of depression that comes about after going to a kick ass live concert. But before you get to the Post Concert Syndrome, the victim will first experience the Pre Concert Syndrome which may include the following:


- Days/weeks/months before the concert, you feel like time is at a standstill.


- Excessive blogging about the band/concert, to a certain point that everybody who isn’t going will hate you.

• Lights in the sky and i am leaving for North American soon
• I Can Hardly Wait
• HURT

-constantly reminding all the other people who are not going that you are going. i.e., Setting your nick or putting the tag line in your MSN to remind people that you are going for the concert.


-a day before or the morning of the concert, you become surged with adrenaline. You get high without the help of any substance or alcohol.


-Moments before the concert, you may appear calm on the outside but inside your heart beats faster and faster, and you cannot believe it is already here.


-When the concert starts you just go in a trance and during the concert, you are in a place of complete bliss - a higher state of euphoria than a Hindu cow.


- Immediately after the concert, you are excessively high and you run around completely hyper, still reciting songs from the band. Everyone in that concert is now your new best friends, even though you don’t know them. Putting your arms around their shoulders and singing along with these people that you have been with during the concert. But to non-concertgoers, you may appear to be some sort of ecstasy.


- As you go home, you may still be trembling with excitement and happiness. And you would tell of your awesome experience to anyone (even the cab driver) who would listen, although most of them don’t care and this is where the Post Concert Syndrome kicks in.

LIFE AFTER THE NINE INCH NAILS’ CONCERT

The Post Concert Syndrome

Emotionally:

-feeling of sadness and infinite melon collie, an increase in obsession with the band i.e. such as listening to nothing but their music.



- partial amnesia, your inability to remember every little detail that happened at the concert or even remembering things that never happened and this will lead to frustration and major mood swing worst than a lady who is having PMS.


-Feeling of regret for no apparent reason…




Physically:


- Looked flush.


-Blood shot eyes resulting from the awesome lighting that probably cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to set up.


-You nicely conditioned hair is all tangled up in a bunch from excessive head banging and hardcore dancing.


-Continuous buzzing sound in your ears thanks to the mega loud music in the concert. The buzzing sound would only become louder when your surrounding is quiet, especially when you are about to sleep. It would probably take days to heal this.


- having the voice of a transvestite resulting from screaming along with the band; you wouldn’t notice that you were shouting the song during the concert because everything was so loud that you can’t even hear yourself scream.


-The smell of a million smelly socks put together, especially when you are standing beside two topless dudes that smells like smelly socks during the concert.
-probably some blue black bruises from all the pushing and shoving while trying to get near the stage.




I guess the aftermath of concert and the Post Concert Syndrome seems pretty bad huh? Even though there is no known cure for Post Concert Syndrome but if you ask me if I would do it again, fuck yeah, in a heart’s beat I would do it all over again because the concert is so fucking awesome. You know even with the super relative word “fucking”, it isn’t enough to describe the awesomeness of the concert. I‘ll tell you all about it another time because I am so fucking tired right now and all I wanna do is fucking lie down and sleep. When I got back to the hotel, I was so worn out, I really wanted to head to bed and dosed off. But knowing that I am not sleeping alone and I smell like crap. I actually tried spraying some cologne before hopping into bed. But I was instantly kicked outta bed and into the shower. So that is why I am blogging this while Lisa is drying my hair. These are really times that I missed my bald head.

You know sometimes I forgotten how nice it is to be living alone. You can do all kind of crap and no one would really bother. But I guess this is the price and sacrifice that you have to make to live together.

When the World Most Heterosexual Guy Blogger Buys Sanitary Pads

he fucking world is coming to an end; the sign of the end time is every fucking where. War, famine, economic crisis, natural disasters are indication of the coming of what we call the fucking apocalypse. Pretty soon Jesus will be right in the fucking sky and all the Christians will be caught up by the rapture shit and the world goes into what the bible would call 7 years of fucking tribulation. You wanna know why I know all these are coming to pass? Because another sign of the fucking end times have just come to pass, today is the fucking day when the world’s most heterosexual guy blogger was asked to walk in a fucking drug store and to buy some god damn sanitary pads for his girlfriend.





ust a couple of weeks ago, I had this conversation with a fellow blogger and mountain bike enthusiast about this topic. After she read one of my post (this one to be exact: Love with Teeth), we got into this discussion about how guys should really know how to fucking pick up the right sanitary pads for their other half. I proudly told her that, of all 28 fucking years of my dating life, no wife/girlfriend of mine has ever asked me to get maxi pads for them. But I guessed I spoke too soon, while Lisa is down with a fever and her monthly period is here, I am sworn with a duty of getting her some sanitary pads.






ey for fuck sakes ,how hard can it fucking be to get those pads from the drug store? In fact, I already have a fucking game plan, all I need to do is get a bunch of other “Macho” stuffs and then quickly slip one of those pads into my fucking cart before heading to the cashier. But hell no, why must there be like a fucking hundred type of sanitary pads that comes in fucking different shapes and sizes and different degree of absorbency. Shit on me, I know fucks about them. Don’t blame me, because I have never had menstrual flow before and I am sure like hell didn’t want to get the wrong one and after which I had to return to the fucking store again. But being too embarrassed to ask for assistance, I did what we the people of this generation do best. Whip out my PDA and Google for the “Types of Maxi Pads”, it sure hell comes in handy to have a gadget that connects you to the fucking internet; so with the newly acquired knowledge of sanitary pad, I managed to pick out the right type of sanitary pad for Lisa. So I thought I should fucking share the knowledge of pads with y’all, especially to guys who has yet to purchase it:

• Panty Liner - Designed to absorb daily vaginal discharge, light menstrual flow, "spotting", slight urinary incontinence, or as a backup for tampon use.
• Ultra-thin - A very compact (thin) pad, which may be as absorbent as a Regular or Maxi/Super pad but with less bulk.
• Regular - A middle range absorbency pad.
• Maxi / Super - A larger absorbency pad, useful for the start of the menstrual cycle when menstruation is often heaviest.
• Night - A longer pad to allow for more protection while the wearer is lying down, with absorbency suitable for overnight use.
• Maternity - These are usually slightly longer than a maxi/Super pad and are designed to be worn to absorb lochia (bleeding that occurs after childbirth).

owever, I did not know what the fuck wing and wingless sanitary pads are for but thanks to a Q & A session with bobo, I finally found out what sanitary pads with wings are for. They are basically made for the type of women who have an itchy backside/cannot sit still/are active. The wing of the sanitary pad acts as a security feature, so that the pad wouldn’t fall off the women’s panties. I mean it would be hell of a disaster to have your sanitary pad falling off your panties right? And it would be even worse if someone taps you on the shoulder and tell you that you dropped something which turns out to be your sanitary pad. Anyway, would like to thank Ericca too for sharing her knowledge on pads with me.





s you notice, I haven’t been online much these days, mainly because I have decided to be a loving and caring boyfriend, and thus devote my online time to taking of Lisa while she is sick. Yeah right, the truth is, I have a new living, breathing internet nanny with me and I am barred from using my sleep time to surf and blog. That is why with much regret I would like to inform my readers that for the next few days, most of the post here are pre-scheduled and I’ll drop by your blogs when the coast is clear. Sigh, I just really don’t know what else will happen when she moves in with me.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Spicy

There is an Old Klingon saying that “Revenge is a dish best served cold”. But today Lisa has proven that wrong, instead of a cold dish I got an extra spicy one. It happened the day before yesterday, Lisa and I were out shopping and we came in contact with 2 really hot transvestites. I mean you could have knew that this two hot specimens was She-males from a mile, just by the way they dresses and their absolutely fake ass and not to mentioned half-hanging-out tits or their shoulder to hips ratio and by the gods, one of them still has an Adam’s apple around it’s throat. [For more info on how to spot a She-male, please refer here -when the line between sex begins to blur]. Coming from a small town which is famous for its hot Transvestites (Yes, Kuantan is famous for its beautiful and also lady-like Tranny), you don’t get to see hot and beautiful transvestite much around the world, but probably in Thailand you would. That is why the sight of those two hot transvestites gave me the homey feeling and sense of nostalgia. So being extra friendly to them is most definitely justifiable. When Lisa caught me totally checking them out, she got angry and I thought she was just joking around and I tried to rub it in by taking it up another notch and I told her jokingly that we should have those two for dinner tonight and this was how Lisa reached her boiling point. Of course I didn’t ask them out, who you think I am? Some kind of pervert? Maybe but not that day.

That night after we reached our hotel, she got ready and headed to bed without even saying a word to me. Damn, she was really pissed. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I mean I was just fooling around and joking about the whole transvestite thing and it is completely absurd to think that for a moment that I could have be attracted to those kinds of species (no offense to those transvestites but I still think they are hot). Things got worse when she caught me not sleeping and fooling around with the computer all night. Again I can’t help it if I am not that normal when it comes to sleeping. Unlike everyone, I don’t need that much of sleep and as a matter of fact, it is not like I am doing anything bad on the computer like hacking a super computer or surfing any porn or posing as some idiot going around flaming celebrity blogger wannabe’s blogs. But I am just probably guilty of written destructive and distasteful articles filled with profanity and posting it on my blog for the world to read. But hell no, she had to wake up one morning (few days ago) to see what I was doing, and it just so happened to be the day which I had been approached by some sick dude on the MSN who calls himself “Linda” and claims to be a bisexual, he came up to me and asked me for sex. And on top of that, he even told me that he was masturbating while chatting, Lisa who sat beside me saw it all. Fuck that why does Lisa also have to see all the negative part of it and that really ticks her off.

She didn’t talk to me the whole morning at breakfast and even lunch, while we did shopping and while we took our rides to places we were suppose to go, she didn’t utter a single word. She was doing this whole Dr Hannibal’s silence psycho warfare with me that was driving me nuts. I tried flowers, chocolates, gifts and anything and everything I could pull off outta my ass and finally at dinner while we were seated in a Mexican restaurant, she finally broke the silence and said that if I want her to forgive me, I must do whatever she says. And without a thought I agreed to it 100% whole heartedly. I was to order the hottest Mexican chili and not only that, I had to ask the chef to make it extra spicy. Suddenly I recalled that Lisa‘s mother used to rub chili padi on her mouth when she was a kid to punish her for being naughty and now I knew what she was up to. She wanted to teach me a lesson. Hey, but coming from Malaysia and I was brought up by a grandmother who inhales chili, it would be a no sweat situation for me, but of course to let her have her pride, I would have to find the inner Oscar winning actor in me to convince her that it was going to be hell for me.

So as my Mexican chili arrived, trying not to giggle and trying hard to put up a worry look on my face. I took a big spoon of that Mexican thing and place it on my tongue. WTF!!! This shit that I just put on my tongue feels like bloody lava fresh from a volcano. Suddenly I realized that this bowl of chili is actually a chunk of hell served in a bowl. My face turned red and I could have sworn smoke was coming out through my ears. Lisa after seeing that I ate something that which is not fit for human consumption, she asked me to stop at my third spoon but being a man of my word, I refused and I took it in like a man or should I say like a fool. But a fool that wants to show Lisa that I am sorry for what I have done and will go to hell and back just to show her that I mean it. So with watery eyes I finished the whole fucking bowl.

At the end of the day before we dosed off, I asked Lisa that did she got all soft inside and was touched by my heroic act of taking the punishment by eating the whole bowl of Mexican chili? She placed her arms and head on my chest and then whispers into my ears, saying that the eating part wasn’t really the punishment. And it hits me, she knew that I had brought up eating chilies and the punishment is actually when the Mexican chili is going to come out from me and I will be in the toilet spitting fire outta my ass. Oh My Fucking Lord!!!! How come I didn’t see that coming?!!! Help!!! I am sharing a bed with a Jezebel…

Wondering what’s with the Klingon proverb shit?
Well read this:I am Proud to be a Heterosexual Trekkie

Announcement

Sorry no updates for the time being. As I was going through the xniquet-wiki which is a supplement to this blog, I found that I have left too many gaps unclosed and by doing so it will leave the readers even more confused. That is why I will be busy doing some major revamp and upkeep work for the xniquet-wiki. So in the mist of my absence here, feel free to explore the stuffs there.














Here is just a little bit of update on my side now:

• In Philadelphia now with Lisa excitingly awaiting NIN’s concert like all Malaysia is waiting for the Permatang Puah by election but only a little more.

• We will be back to California again after the concert and most likely going up north of California to visit some winery before coming back.

• Lisa is currently mad at me for being friendly to two transvestites. WTF, not talking to me!!! I thought she was joking so i rub it in some more and now she is still mad at me.
  

• We will be back on September 15 after which everyone will know if there is going to be a wedding date.

Someone

,

3am and there is no one around, I am left alone to fight my demons, I just wish that the day will keep it's trust, but for now I feel like a car crash, my wheels are turning but I am upside down. I toss and turn but I just cannot sleep, maybe I am just hypnotized and I’m paralyzed by a different beat. I like to think that my whole biological clock is being messed up big time because I was traveling from time zone to time zone, I started at GMT +8, then I moved on to GMT+9, just about I was getting use to it, I had to travel to GMT-5 and by tomorrow I will be in another new time zone again, Central time (GMT-6). I am flying to Denver later today and where finally Mike will be lay to rest in his hometown. I am still tossing and turning and I just can’t ignore the echo of thoughts of what I am going to say at the funeral service. I think I will leave that when I am on the plane to Denver, but for now I am better off drifting into dreamland and thinking about Someone :)

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