There is an Old Klingon saying that “Revenge is a dish best served cold”. But today Lisa has proven that wrong, instead of a cold dish I got an extra spicy one. It happened the day before yesterday, Lisa and I were out shopping and we came in contact with 2 really hot transvestites. I mean you could have knew that this two hot specimens was She-males from a mile, just by the way they dresses and their absolutely fake ass and not to mentioned half-hanging-out tits or their shoulder to hips ratio and by the gods, one of them still has an Adam’s apple around it’s throat. [For more info on how to spot a She-male, please refer here -when the line between sex begins to blur]. Coming from a small town which is famous for its hot Transvestites (Yes, Kuantan is famous for its beautiful and also lady-like Tranny), you don’t get to see hot and beautiful transvestite much around the world, but probably in Thailand you would. That is why the sight of those two hot transvestites gave me the homey feeling and sense of nostalgia. So being extra friendly to them is most definitely justifiable. When Lisa caught me totally checking them out, she got angry and I thought she was just joking around and I tried to rub it in by taking it up another notch and I told her jokingly that we should have those two for dinner tonight and this was how Lisa reached her boiling point. Of course I didn’t ask them out, who you think I am? Some kind of pervert? Maybe but not that day.
That night after we reached our hotel, she got ready and headed to bed without even saying a word to me. Damn, she was really pissed. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I mean I was just fooling around and joking about the whole transvestite thing and it is completely absurd to think that for a moment that I could have be attracted to those kinds of species (no offense to those transvestites but I still think they are hot). Things got worse when she caught me not sleeping and fooling around with the computer all night. Again I can’t help it if I am not that normal when it comes to sleeping. Unlike everyone, I don’t need that much of sleep and as a matter of fact, it is not like I am doing anything bad on the computer like hacking a super computer or surfing any porn or posing as some idiot going around flaming celebrity blogger wannabe’s blogs. But I am just probably guilty of written destructive and distasteful articles filled with profanity and posting it on my blog for the world to read. But hell no, she had to wake up one morning (few days ago) to see what I was doing, and it just so happened to be the day which I had been approached by some sick dude on the MSN who calls himself “Linda” and claims to be a bisexual, he came up to me and asked me for sex. And on top of that, he even told me that he was masturbating while chatting, Lisa who sat beside me saw it all. Fuck that why does Lisa also have to see all the negative part of it and that really ticks her off.
She didn’t talk to me the whole morning at breakfast and even lunch, while we did shopping and while we took our rides to places we were suppose to go, she didn’t utter a single word. She was doing this whole Dr Hannibal’s silence psycho warfare with me that was driving me nuts. I tried flowers, chocolates, gifts and anything and everything I could pull off outta my ass and finally at dinner while we were seated in a Mexican restaurant, she finally broke the silence and said that if I want her to forgive me, I must do whatever she says. And without a thought I agreed to it 100% whole heartedly. I was to order the hottest Mexican chili and not only that, I had to ask the chef to make it extra spicy. Suddenly I recalled that Lisa‘s mother used to rub chili padi on her mouth when she was a kid to punish her for being naughty and now I knew what she was up to. She wanted to teach me a lesson. Hey, but coming from Malaysia and I was brought up by a grandmother who inhales chili, it would be a no sweat situation for me, but of course to let her have her pride, I would have to find the inner Oscar winning actor in me to convince her that it was going to be hell for me.
So as my Mexican chili arrived, trying not to giggle and trying hard to put up a worry look on my face. I took a big spoon of that Mexican thing and place it on my tongue. WTF!!! This shit that I just put on my tongue feels like bloody lava fresh from a volcano. Suddenly I realized that this bowl of chili is actually a chunk of hell served in a bowl. My face turned red and I could have sworn smoke was coming out through my ears. Lisa after seeing that I ate something that which is not fit for human consumption, she asked me to stop at my third spoon but being a man of my word, I refused and I took it in like a man or should I say like a fool. But a fool that wants to show Lisa that I am sorry for what I have done and will go to hell and back just to show her that I mean it. So with watery eyes I finished the whole fucking bowl.
At the end of the day before we dosed off, I asked Lisa that did she got all soft inside and was touched by my heroic act of taking the punishment by eating the whole bowl of Mexican chili? She placed her arms and head on my chest and then whispers into my ears, saying that the eating part wasn’t really the punishment. And it hits me, she knew that I had brought up eating chilies and the punishment is actually when the Mexican chili is going to come out from me and I will be in the toilet spitting fire outta my ass. Oh My Fucking Lord!!!! How come I didn’t see that coming?!!! Help!!! I am sharing a bed with a Jezebel…
Wondering what’s with the Klingon proverb shit?
Well read this:I am Proud to be a Heterosexual Trekkie
Well read this:I am Proud to be a Heterosexual Trekkie