When the World Most Heterosexual Guy Blogger Buys Sanitary Pads

he fucking world is coming to an end; the sign of the end time is every fucking where. War, famine, economic crisis, natural disasters are indication of the coming of what we call the fucking apocalypse. Pretty soon Jesus will be right in the fucking sky and all the Christians will be caught up by the rapture shit and the world goes into what the bible would call 7 years of fucking tribulation. You wanna know why I know all these are coming to pass? Because another sign of the fucking end times have just come to pass, today is the fucking day when the world’s most heterosexual guy blogger was asked to walk in a fucking drug store and to buy some god damn sanitary pads for his girlfriend.

ust a couple of weeks ago, I had this conversation with a fellow blogger and mountain bike enthusiast about this topic. After she read one of my post (this one to be exact: Love with Teeth), we got into this discussion about how guys should really know how to fucking pick up the right sanitary pads for their other half. I proudly told her that, of all 28 fucking years of my dating life, no wife/girlfriend of mine has ever asked me to get maxi pads for them. But I guessed I spoke too soon, while Lisa is down with a fever and her monthly period is here, I am sworn with a duty of getting her some sanitary pads.

ey for fuck sakes ,how hard can it fucking be to get those pads from the drug store? In fact, I already have a fucking game plan, all I need to do is get a bunch of other “Macho” stuffs and then quickly slip one of those pads into my fucking cart before heading to the cashier. But hell no, why must there be like a fucking hundred type of sanitary pads that comes in fucking different shapes and sizes and different degree of absorbency. Shit on me, I know fucks about them. Don’t blame me, because I have never had menstrual flow before and I am sure like hell didn’t want to get the wrong one and after which I had to return to the fucking store again. But being too embarrassed to ask for assistance, I did what we the people of this generation do best. Whip out my PDA and Google for the “Types of Maxi Pads”, it sure hell comes in handy to have a gadget that connects you to the fucking internet; so with the newly acquired knowledge of sanitary pad, I managed to pick out the right type of sanitary pad for Lisa. So I thought I should fucking share the knowledge of pads with y’all, especially to guys who has yet to purchase it:

  • Panty Liner - Designed to absorb daily vaginal discharge, light menstrual flow, "spotting", slight urinary incontinence, or as a backup for tampon use.
  • Ultra-thin - A very compact (thin) pad, which may be as absorbent as a Regular or Maxi/Super pad but with less bulk.
  • Regular - A middle range absorbency pad.
  • Maxi / Super - A larger absorbency pad, useful for the start of the menstrual cycle when menstruation is often heaviest.
  • Night - A longer pad to allow for more protection while the wearer is lying down, with absorbency suitable for overnight use.
  • Maternity - These are usually slightly longer than a maxi/Super pad and are designed to be worn to absorb lochia (bleeding that occurs after childbirth).

owever, I did not know what the fuck wing and wingless sanitary pads are for but thanks to a Q & A session with bobo, I finally found out what sanitary pads with wings are for. They are basically made for the type of women who have an itchy backside/cannot sit still/are active. The wing of the sanitary pad acts as a security feature, so that the pad wouldn’t fall off the women’s panties. I mean it would be hell of a disaster to have your sanitary pad falling off your panties right? And it would be even worse if someone taps you on the shoulder and tell you that you dropped something which turns out to be your sanitary pad. Anyway, would like to thank Ericca too for sharing her knowledge on pads with me.

s you notice, I haven’t been online much these days, mainly because I have decided to be a loving and caring boyfriend, and thus devote my online time to taking of Lisa while she is sick. Yeah right, the truth is, I have a new living, breathing internet nanny with me and I am barred from using my sleep time to surf and blog. That is why with much regret I would like to inform my readers that for the next few days, most of the post here are pre-scheduled and I’ll drop by your blogs when the coast is clear. Sigh, I just really don’t know what else will happen when she moves in with me.