WTF We Have in Jesus

Kim Jong iL 
(1941 maybe 1942 - 2011)

A big chunk of my fucking life, I've been a fucking Christian.

No, wait... 

I think I've got it wrong, even though I've spent a considerable amount of time in church but I wasn't always a fucking Christian and I definitely wasn't into Jesus and all of His splendid bullshit. So, I should fucking say that ever since I was young, I've been in and outta church so frequent that if the church and homosexuality were the same fucking thing, you would think that I'm a fucking fag.

Hey, don't fucking crucify me just yet? Let this brother-in-fucking -Christ explain his-fucking-self...
I'm not saying that the church is fucking gay in any way but I do think that the church is somewhat a breeding ground for homosexuality.

Look at the early church's monasteries; how they put a bunch of males together and teach them about brotherly love. If that isn't a nudge towards homosexuality, then I don't fucking know what is.

Imagine these monks, sworn to have a life of chaste; they will never ever have the chance to savor the nectar of a woman's pussy that flows beneath the bush and between the labia, foul yet sweet to taste; gross yet inviting to look at; nasty yet delicious in every fucking way!

Take away the fucking vagina from a man's equation and where the fuck is he going to stick his dick in? 

I guess the next best thing is the anus. Not only it is just an inch away from the vagina but in a fucking monastery, I'm sure there is an abundance of anuses to go around. The vagina and anus may have different function and secretion but they're a perfect fit for penises.

Do you ever wonder why they use altar boys instead of girls to service their clergyman? But enough of this gay shit because when I started writing this shit I had other shit in mind.

Like I say, I spent a lot of time in church when my fragile little brain was beginning to take form. So it’s no wonder I was mentally scar with all the bullshit that they fucking dump on me.

But I am fortunate that it hasn't turned me into queer.

My brain might have gone through the trauma but I'm still straight.

But every tale a survivor tells doesn't always have a happy ending. Even to this fucking day, when I'm doing my own shit like jacking off or something, I would unconsciously sing or hum hymns. Sometimes when I'm just sitting there with my guitar jacked into the amp, my riffs would suddenly turn into a fucking hymn.

If you're thinking…

"Yeah, that is so messed up" and I have to totally agree with you. I mean that is like the worst thing that could ever happen to a self proclaimed Satanist. Seriously, I have a fucking reputation to fucking keep.

But as messed up as my early days in church have made me, it is my inherent nature that refuses to fucking give in, for hymns that usually comes outta this foul mouth fucker are usually like this:

I assure you this is not Tourette syndrome but just the fusion between my past and current personality. Or it could be that God has finally come to his fucking senses and that he wants me take church music into a new direction and be the first person to come up with a church hymn album that carries a parental advisory sticker.

If this blog post makes your blood boil, you would be happy to know that the author of this blog post is going straight to hell... 
along side murderer, rapist, lawyers, politicians and free thinkers.