WTF We Have in Jesus

For 

Kim Jong iL 

(1941 maybe 1942 - 2011)

A big chunk of my fucking life, I've been a fucking Christian.


No, wait... 


I think I've got it wrong, even though I've spent a considerable amount of time in church but I wasn't always a fucking Christian and I definitely wasn't into Jesus and all of His splendid bullshit. So, I should fucking say that ever since I was young, I've been in and outta church so frequent that if the church and homosexuality were the same fucking thing, you would think that I'm a fucking fag.


Hey, don't fucking crucify me just yet? Let this brother-in-fucking -Christ explain his-fucking-self...
I'm not saying that the church is fucking gay in any way but I do think that the church is somewhat a breeding ground for homosexuality.


Look at the early church's monasteries; how they put a bunch of males together and teach them about brotherly love. If that isn't a nudge towards homosexuality, then I don't fucking know what is.


Imagine these monks, sworn to have a life of chaste; they will never ever have the chance to savor the nectar of a woman's pussy that flows beneath the bush and between the labia, foul yet sweet to taste; gross yet inviting to look at; nasty yet delicious in every fucking way!

Take away the fucking vagina from a man's equation and where the fuck is he going to stick his dick in? 

I guess the next best thing is the anus. Not only it is just an inch away from the vagina but in a fucking monastery, I'm sure there is an abundance of anuses to go around. The vagina and anus may have different function and secretion but they're a perfect fit for penises.


Do you ever wonder why they use altar boys instead of girls to service their clergyman? But enough of this gay shit because when I started writing this shit I had other shit in mind.



Like I say, I spent a lot of time in church when my fragile little brain was beginning to take form. So it’s no wonder I was mentally scar with all the bullshit that they fucking dump on me.

But I am fortunate that it hasn't turned me into queer.

My brain might have gone through the trauma but I'm still straight.


But every tale a survivor tells doesn't always have a happy ending. Even to this fucking day, when I'm doing my own shit like jacking off or something, I would unconsciously sing or hum hymns. Sometimes when I'm just sitting there with my guitar jacked into the amp, my riffs would suddenly turn into a fucking hymn.

If you're thinking…

"Yeah, that is so messed up" and I have to totally agree with you. I mean that is like the worst thing that could ever happen to a self proclaimed Satanist. Seriously, I have a fucking reputation to fucking keep.



But as messed up as my early days in church have made me, it is my inherent nature that refuses to fucking give in, for hymns that usually comes outta this foul mouth fucker are usually like this:

I assure you this is not Tourette syndrome but just the fusion between my past and current personality. Or it could be that God has finally come to his fucking senses and that he wants me take church music into a new direction and be the first person to come up with a church hymn album that carries a parental advisory sticker.

If this blog post makes your blood boil, you would be happy to know that the author of this blog post is going straight to hell... 

along side murderer, rapist, lawyers, politicians and free thinkers. 

My Dad is a Taliban

* If you can't stand having your precious God being mock at. I suggest you fucking leave *

What I meant was my dad is a Taliban of his church but he isn't a jihad monger that has a closet full of explosive rigged clothing as his wardrobe.

So, let me rephrase the sentence again; my mum always said that my dad is like a Taliban.

A Taliban holds a fucking AK in one hand and raises his Quran in the other, while my dad holds a cigarette between his fingers in one hand and the bible on the other.

Can you imagine that hymns of worship to the fucking almighty and dangerous second hand smoke actually come out of that pie hole for half a century?

50 years, 30 sticks a day, look where it has landed him? If you wanna know, that's half a million sticks of cigarette.

I know he isn't proud of it but I can assure you that he fucking enjoyed every single drag of nicotine that went in his lung.

But I don't blame him for that because god fucking made us with this insatiable lust for self destruction.

We all have our own poison and most of us haven't really realized it until it is too late.

I fucking think God has a sick sense of humor almost sadistic. He gave us life only to watch us die. Why did he even create us in the first place?

No No No...

If you are gonna say that if we all confess our fucking sins to Jesus and do all the fucking bullshit the fucking bible says, we can go to heaven and spent our entire eternity praising God in heaven.

*to all Christians who is celebrating Easter today, I'm sorry for calling your most sacred book the fucking bible, it should be the Holy fucking Bible instead.*

Now, who in the fucking right mind would wanna spend a whole fucking eternity sucking God's cock in heaven? I would rather take my chances down in hell.

To some, they reckon religion teaches us to be all good and shit but did it ever occurred to you that the single most influential force that drives a person to kill another person is their religion.

No, it’s not Charlie Manson or Adolf Hitler but God who is the biggest murderer of all time.

So ask yourself this the next time you close your eyes and put your hands together or when you're holding your joss stick or while you're bend over and on your fucking knees. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you praying to the single most destructive entity ever known to men?

If you are going to say the holy fucking bible tells me so, I suggest you read some Dan Brown, now that's a motherfucker who knows history.

Anyway, Happy Easter & don't choke on your fucking eggs.

The Fucking Cook

playing on my iPod:
The World That I Know - Collective Soul

It is a rare thing these days if you don't find me having a fucking hangover on a Sunday Morning or any other mornings; it is even a rare sight to be seeing me seated in the front row of a church that is filled with the smell of old folks on a fucking Sunday morning. Listening to the morning sermon about what the Holy fucking Bible has to say about adulterer and adulteress and what the act of fornication will do to corrupt your fucking soul. Sticks and fucking stones may break my fucking bones but a mere sermon about fornication, didn't ever give me a slight tingle. I am so fucking dead and numb to all the shit and fucks that the Holy fucking Bible has to say. There is no point rubbing that shit in my face, just let it go, I can't be saved.

I didn't break the minister's face that day and no I am not temporary insane for coming to church. I was at church on this glorious fucked up Sunday morning because I was involved with a new social service for the elderly folks in Kuantan and there was a meeting here today. There are a number of old folks who has no children and are living all alone. Even though welfare charity can give them money to buy food and clothing but they still have to do their daily chores in order to live. That is where we come in; I prefer to be called a cook than a fucking maid because cooking meals and doing minimum cleaning work around these old folk's houses is what I do. You see this new social program is to identify the needy old folks and then send someone to fix them meals and do some house chores because some of these old folks are sickly and live in condition that are way below human standards. They don't have much money too, whatever riches they have they carry it in their wallet or hand bags or Milo tin cans. I might have given up on my own fucking life but these people hasn't and I guess I should try to do whatever I can to make them feel more comfortable and feel that they are not forgotten and not desolated. I don't really see a problem using up a couple of hours of my pathetic day to go to these folks house, cook for them and do a little cleaning up for them. I can definitely use some of my time that I waste on getting drunk, to do something to help these folks and in process brush up on my cooking skills. Don't worry I won't poison any of these old folks because if I were to poison the food, I would rather eat it myself than letting them have the pleasure of dying. Besides, before preparing their meals, I had to obtain their health record and then consult a nutritionist, so that I can carefully prepare their menu. After a couple of days of practice and coming up with some dishes, it was show time today.

I am not doing all these just because I want to secure a fucking place in heaven or am I trying to find my way back to God's fucking good grace. I am doing this because as fucked up as my life is already is, I rather not have others suffer as I do. So If ever a minute God thinks that this motherfucking prodigal son has return, I am ready to drop down on my fucking knees and burn joss sticks to a idol that resembles a 300 pound bald guy or I would get naked, kill a goat and then use its blood to draw a pentagram or better yet cut off my dick's foreskin, give up eating pork and practice polygamy. For the fucking record, I believe in God but I don's love him enough to go back to him because when I am dead there is gonna be a spot in hell with my name burned on it.

The Fucking Dishes:

the xniquet-wiki articles for this post:

Babi Betul
Clay Pot Chicken Rice aka Nga Poh Fun
Cowboy Style Spicy Vegetables and Egg
Fucking Chicken Rice
Fucking Herbal Chicken
Mixed Herbs Creamed Spaghetti
Onion and Potato Soup
Paprika Chicken with Vegetables
Roasted Chicken
Steam Chinese Cabbage
Steam Eggs with Bean Curd

Jesus was a suicide

Notice: Heretic post up ahead, if you are not cool with it, please refrain from reading. Thank you.

Suicide (Latin suicidium, from sui caedere, to kill oneself) is the act of the intentional ending of one's own life. Suicide may occur for a number of reasons, including depression, shame, pain, financial difficulties, or other undesirable situations and recently you heard it on the news a lot …for harming by blowing one’s self up- suicide attacks. So if suicide is the act of intentionally ending one’s life, a lot of us must have miss the greatest and single biggest suicide that had happened on earth -Jesus was a suicide. He knew that he was going to be killed and yet did nothing. After his last supper, he went to the garden of Gethsemane to be all emo and then he was betrayed by Judas and then brought to trial by the Prefect of the Roman Judaea province - Pontius Pilate. Pilate could not find anything wrong done by Jesus that could lead to a death penalty but yet Jesus did not even defend himself when he was asked by Pontius Pilate to say something to defend his innocence. All the miracles that Jesus done, turning water into wine, walk on water, feeding a hungry crowd with just a few bread and fishes, healing disease, making the blind see, making the deaf hear and the limp walk again, bring the dead to life. If you truly believed that Jesus was God, therefore he possessed the power and ability to stop all the shit that he was in. But you know what, he did nothing and intentionally brought about his own death. Yeah you may argue that, it was God’s plan of salvation for Jesus to intentionally die for our fucking sins and it is call sacrifice. In that case, when an EMOs slits his/her wrist right up to his/her shoulders it can be call as sacrifice too, because EMOs are harmful to themselves and not to mentioned a drain on the society’s economy and a sore eye to the world of fashion, by getting rid of them, the world is save and a better place. But hell no, when some fucking EMO slit his/her wrist, it is call suicide and it is a crime and a dishonorable act but when Jesus did it wasn’t. I am not trying to mock or bring down Jesus. He has all my due respect and admiration for being who he is, but in my opinion his act was a suicide, because he knew he was going to die and did nothing to stop it. Even though most culture and religion sees suicide as an act of giving up on their one’s self and it is a dishonorable act. But in history some culture begs to differ for instance the Japanese’s seppuku, one of the most painful methods of suicide, to be respected as a means to atone for mistakes or failure or a form of protest during the samurai era. In the 20th century, suicide in the form of self-immolation has been used as a form of protest, and in the form of kamikaze and suicide bombing as a military or terrorist tactic. Sati was a Hindu funeral practice in which the widow would immolate herself on her husband's funeral pyre. In some religion especially Christianity views as a serious crime and an offense towards God due to religious belief in the sanctity of life. If so, wouldn’t that make the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world tainted when he choose to end his life for you and me?

where do bad folks go when they die...

The characters featured here is NOT and I repeat NOT fictional characters. They are all living and breathing individual which might just be staying next to you. This could be the alcohol or the drug inside me talking but before this life is done, I just wanna let out some skeletons but I wouldn’t go as far as letting out their full names, I guess if that individual happened to read this, I am pretty sure, you know who you are. Being in the church’s ministry and the board of committee for 3 years, I have seen enough to know that all these people have one thing in common, that is deceiving people with their believe, preaching what life is worth and covering their own sins with the church, letting their demons can run around free because no one can suspect a damn thing.




Meet Mr. Will, insurance sales person and the chairman of the church, a dedicated father of 3 and the hardworking church chairman who always seems to appear so when the other church members are around. Always late for church board meetings and always looking for an excuse to end the meeting as soon as possible; uses his influence to sell insurance plans but make you think that he is actually taking the opportunity to sell Jesus while doing business. Uses the church’s list as his contact list for his own gain; Last seen explaining a new plan at a gospel rally.



Meet Mr. Hel, church’s treasurer and also a financial controller of a renowned construction company in Malaysia. Always has no idea what is going on in the church, whether he is acting up all blur of just choose to ignore about it, we don’t know. Doesn’t do the church accounts himself but lets his subordinate do it for him, as a matter of fact, the only time he lay his eyes on the accounts is when he signs it. Been known to put his own money into the churches account when the books and statements are not balanced. It seems to easier that way.




Meet Mr. Lio, an engineer by profession and person in charge of the church's ministry, always seems to be zealous for the Lord and have a good plan for the betterment of the ministry but it goes as far as the talking in the meeting only. He always maintain a smiling smile and greets everyone in church with a big wide smile. Last seen smoking and cursing at the local Kopitiam (coffee shop).




Meet Mr. Lio II, younger brother of Mr. Lio and second person in charge of the church’s ministry, last seen borrowing money from his elder brother for an abortion job for his Indonesia maid and also the only person I know with a collection of gay porn in DVD.




Meet Pastor Leong, pastor of the church, widow and mother of 2 sons who doesn’t even want to stay in the same house with her. Always bad mouthing about how the other church committee is badly treating her and goes on her frequent “visit” to church member’s house for pasturing word or just to rally more people to be on her side? Last heard, she has been billing her own expenses to the church account.




Meet Elder Ong, goes around to houses teaching Christian parents how to keep their children in line. With just a phone call, he would gladly come to your place, and smack some christian sense into your kids like ripping off the posters and burn all the rock and metal cd that you children has and also takes away, anything that is deemed not Christian from your house. Last thing I heard is he has disowned his gay son.




Meet Elder Sim, a man that holds so tight to the word of God that he strongly disallowed a lady who had a past in sleeping with other people’s husband to be a church member, asking her to go to another church. Last heard, he himself was asked to leave his post of an elder for accusation of molesting his Indonesia maid.




Meet Deacon Lee, leader of the choir, sing and lead the choir very well. But so it seems, he usually have his training in the sleaziest KTV in town. Was last seen at the red light district with a very young Malay girl.





Meet Mr. X, in charge of the music ministry something that he didn’t want to do at all but was forced into doing so because the pastor thinks he owes it to church for the years of free Sundays schools, Bible Class and bible camps and seminary courses; an alcoholic, fornicator and listens to Marilyn Manson. Last seen leaving the church because seeing that it was all a big fat fucking lie and willing to take his chances in Hell than be associated with these bunch of people. Then again, they might be joining me in Hell, ohh!!!bummer!!!





I am not saying that all the churches are like that, because when I was brought up, it sure hell seems like a perfect church to me back then , but after you been in the committee and you see how things works. It is as dirty as butt hole politics can be. It is not my style to rant about someone or anyone, but i just gotta get rid of this Jesus choke hold that is squeezing my fucking neck for so long. There you go, I have just gotten rid of the crucifixion cock stain from my side of the bed that has been haunting me for years and I am feel free.

the divine stripping black jack

Being crippled, sick and all, sure does have its benefits, like being frequently visit by friends and sometimes from people whom you seldom see or have nothing to do with, just like my dad’s church’s pastor who waltz into my room to see how i have been keeping. Lucky for me I wasn’t reading any of my books from my heretic book collection and he did not check out my DVD collection which was mostly rated R for blood, gore and nudity but not porn, I only have one Porn DVD about horny French nuns who owns huge ass dildo and are living in a monastery which I bought because it was a multi-angle DVD of which I really wanted to know how it works (the multi- angle DVD and not the Dildo) and wait I think I have another porn DVD which I have never seen because it was given to me by the porn star who acted in the flick herself. [It is another story but if you wanna read about it click here] That is not the point, what I wanted to say is that when my dad’s pastor asked me how was I, I answered very frankly besides enduring the blustered pain , I was bored out of my mind. He didn’t try to quote my any bible verse or passage or even try talking me into going to church, but gave me a rather simple answer of course with reference to God, I guess that is what a man of God does and I wouldn’t blame him. He told me that when God created us human, he gave us a creative mind and the ability to adapt to all sort of the circumstances. So he asked me to adapt and make full use of what I am able to do for now, leave the rest of the “to do list” later when I am fully recovered. Being immobile doesn’t hinder people from doing great “other” things. I felt like god was speaking through this man. After so long, I finally felt that there just might be a holy and divine up there somewhere and He wants me to besides lying on my sick ass and ranting about how fucking bored I am, but to moist up my brain pussy to get some juice going and do something for a change. The first thing I did was Google Cherry Soft Key Generator and on my first hit I finally found it. After months of trying to get the serial key for my pirated copy of Cherry Soft’s Strip Black Jack video edition. Why? Because the CD that I brought did not give me the right serial key is that’s why but now hell yeah, no I mean Hallelujah, I can watch hot babes stripe right from my pocket pc and this sort of got my into the whole "I am playing non-stop games on my pocket pc thing" and in the comfort on my bed laying down or while taking a dump in toilet and I am cured of my boredom, isn’t it a miracle? Do I get a fucking Amen for that? And with that I think I should leave y'all with a bible verse which was burnt into my head when I was young during a baptism class. It is taken from 1 Corinthian 10:13 (but it has been modified a bit to reflect my current situation), it goes a little something like this…

“No boredom has seized you except what is common to men. And God is faithful and just and will not let you be bored beyond what you can bear. But when you are bored to death, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

what your mind says?
now if that isn't divine intervention that killed my motherfucking boredom, then i don't know what it is ?

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heaven





hell