I'm Going Home
But My Dreams Aren’t as Empty…

To those who dropped words of encouragement HERE...
I thank you so much for your kinds and uplifting words of encouragement, I guess I really needed it. All your words give me strength even in the face of defeat. To be honest I was really tore apart by all of it. I know being the festive season and shit, no one wants to whine or listens to a whining whore. But I finally snapped out of it and I am facing my reality. Right after the revoking of the offer, an SMS came in and Mr. Producer was pulling out of the current project and also all the project funding, just as I predicted. All the blood and sweat that I have been put into the production for months are now just merely bit and bytes taking up storing space in my lap top and it will not be released. But I am still looking for a way to get in on the CD store’s shelf. I don’t know how, but somehow I will find a way. I was this close to achieving my dreams but it has to all come apart.
I guess I have to revert back to be that dreamer that had a heart of gold. When things are so right, it doesn’t mean things won’t go wrong, right? But doesn’t mean I have to give up. Even as I spend my last few days here going around, I am already writing my new stuffs for another LP.
But for now, I am just looking forward to go home. Even though I feel like a fucking chump going back home in defeat but I hope that the people back there will take me as I am and welcome me back. Just less than 3 more days for me in this forsaken land that has made my faith gone dry; another bitter sweet ending here…mostly bitter, the only thing sweet is I am going home.
My life is like a open book, and it is for the world to see, but sometimes nothing is the something that hold me together...Better Days
Let me take this opportunity to wish each and every one a Happy Chinese New Year, I guess most of the people would wish a prosperity and good fortune, but this year I just wanna wish you better days for you and your family; having peace, joy and happiness, faith and trust all the days of your life.
Enjoy the festive!!
My host who had just come back from Malaysia a couple of weeks ago brought something back. Usually I am not a but lover of this dish but being away from home especially during Chinese New Year, it does really give a little piece of home.- Instant Yee Sang
Even though it taste like crap but it still makes me feel like Chinese New Year
Ass Fucker Inc.

My Date With Suicide
Don’t a small amount of people die every year after eating this shit I asked Norie; She answered yeah, but the restaurant that we are going, the chef haven’t kill anyone YET. So you are QUITE safe. Deep inside I really wanna do this but somehow coming from a country where usually drivers obtain their driving license by paying Duit Kopi-o (bribe money), somehow just sort of struck me that what if it is the same here for the licensed Fugu Chef. But I don’t wanna be a pussy and back out now, Norie, Kenichi, Hota and I are already on our way there. Hota assured me that I am relatively safe because if I die eating Fugu in that restaurant, I will be the very first and I will be really famous. Experienced Fugu chefs will leave enough poison in the flesh of the fish to give the eaters a little numbness around the lips and tongue and this is what that keeps eaters coming back for more. But sometimes, maybe sometimes the poison is a little too much. Anyway, along the way Hota gave me a little insight about Japan’s favorite delicacy as part of the whole Fugu eating experience.
“It's said that the most poisonous Fugu, "Tora-fugu," is the most delicious. Its toxin makes cyanide look like Aspirin. Just touching a it the wrong way can be deadly. The common blowfish contains enough tetrodotoxin to kill up to 30 adult humans. “In the case of torafugu, the ovary alone sometimes weighs over a kilogram and contains enough poison to kill some 20 people. The poison paralyzes the muscles while the victim stays fully conscious, and eventually suffocates and dies. There is currently no antidote, and the standard medical approach is to try to support the respiratory and circulatory system until the effect of the poison wears off. The chef must have special skills and knowledge about Fugu to be licensed. Poisonous parts of Fugu differ, depending on the kind of Fugu. Because of the strict regulations, the number of deaths is decreasing. Best time to eat them is October to March”


Fugusahi
First, it was the famous grey colored sashimi (Fugu) served with Ponzu dipping sauce (a citrus-like soy sauce).

Yubiki
Next was a salad made with the raw skin and meat of the Fugu eaten green onions and a light citrus dressing.



My drink, tea made by brewing up toasted Fugu fins with hot sake.
I did felt a slight tingle on my tongue during the first two courses but not to the extent of numbness. I think the chef was going easy on me and trying like hell not to get me killed. Anyway, it was fun and nerve wrecking experience especially the anticipation and the taking of the first bite. After that it was smooth sailing and deliciously fun.
Total damage done = 7,000 yen (RM213.00/SD93.00) per head and making a grand total damage of 28,000 yen. I think someone amongst us is being poison by the Fugu poison.

Mechanical Bride: Hell Flavoured
First of all, I would like to apologize for the lack of vulgarity in this blog during last week. I mean I just wanted to show my respect to Michael who has just passed away. Hence the lack of shits and fucks in my posts; but I promise to make it up to you this week. Come on, how can xniquetx.blogspot.com be lacking of vulgarity. It is like saying Kentucky Fucking Chicken doesn’t sell fucking chicken or McFuckingDonalds doesn’t have fries. One of the reasons I blog is because I can insert as many shits and fucks into my post as I fucking like. As you can fucking see, I have an ass spanking butt licking new layout. No fucking longer this blog will be known as the Red Grosteskes. But it will be known as “Hell Flavoured : taste like Valentine” and like it’s fucking predecessor , it will have a mirror site. The Red Empress and The Mechanical Bride. So what is the fucking difference bitch, you might ask, I not sure how to tell you yet, but for now, I am just going to tell you that it is just the fucking background color. If you are a fucking cleanliness freak and you are into whites, I suggest you read The Mechanical Bride; if you like nice and dirty, long and black and don’t mind having blurred white lines burned into your retina after reading it, you should fucking dig The Red Empress.
Hell yeah bitches, but what the fuck am I going to get from this “Hell flavoured: taste like Valentine”? I would say that the posts will be more towards looking at things from a different fucking point of view, not the usual ones. A point of view which I don’t fucking usually voice out, take for an instance, what do you think of a guy who is trying to court a girl who has already got a boyfriend? Is he just trying to be an ass and trying to show that he can? Or maybe he is just trying to give the girl another option in letting her choose the right one for her? What about a guy who is cheating with a girl who already got a boyfriend, plays her up and leave her. Is the guy just a regular playa or he is just trying to teach the slut a lesson and let the girl see that her boyfriends is the best. What about a guy seducing someone else’s wife? If he a trying to break up the marriage or he is just trying to give the wife an option if the marriage fails? All these are butt fucking moral issues. To some it is pretty clear cut but to those who score lame ass grades for their fucking moral studies, it is pretty hard for them to determine the right and wrong. Because I believe every fucking thing is arguable.

Things are not always what they seem to be, take the song “Like a Virgin” by Madonna. I bet your fucking ass that all of y’all know the song right? Just by looking and listening to the song, you might have guess that this song is about a virgin having sex for the very first time. But it isn’t. The song Like a Virgin is actually a metaphor for big dicks. The song is talking about a super slut, who is a regular fucking fuck machine. I am talking morning, day and night. All she ever has is dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick and dick. If you ask me how many dicks are there I would say there is a fucking lot of dicks. Till one day, she meets this guy with a huge dick and he fucks her. I mean by this time after having some much dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick and dick, she should have been bubble yum and no dick would have given her any tingle. But this guy she met was giving her serious dick action, that she made her feel something that she has long forgotten – Pain, pain, pain and pain, and hence…Like a Virgin. Amen.
So you see try to look at things from a different view sometime, even the most remote ones, you might find and learn something from there. This could be the Absinthe talking, but you know me …

End of Red Groteskes

All the picture seems to get this funny flash on that day during the service
I am finally back from US. Things there are pretty much settled, Michael is finally lay to rest in his place of birth and I had my chance to say my last goodbye. After having an almost 20 hours flight time shoved up my ass, it was touchdown Narita Airport early this morning, I manage to get a couple of hours of sleep before I heading to the studio for a meeting today. Now I feel like a whore who has just finished servicing 3,000 black clients. My face is dry and felt like fish scale and my bloody pores are showing. I wonder if all the SKII miracle water and Aloe Vera serum in the world could ever put my face back together again. If a woman loses her voice she will sound like a transvestite, if a man loses his voice he might turn into a baritone, for me now I think I sound like a tranny singing in the baritone section. But the most disturbing thing I found out today is when I stepped on a scale, god damnit I dropped another 3kgs and I haven’t even gain back the ones I lost when I was sick last time. Shit, does that mean I have to give up dreaming of becoming you know who? I must start eating everything in sight to get back my weight.
Anyway, all good things have to come to an end, even the gross, the sick and the grotesque too. This is will be the last post under the red groteskes.
I am a Jazz Tap Dancer
As some of you might already know that I am heading to Boulder tonight to attend Michael’s Funeral. I will be off to JFK first, then I am supposed to meet someone from the Metro New York House of Prayer, and they will arrange for me to get to the city of Boulder, Colorado. All my bags are packed and I am just hours away from leaving. Anyway, someone has been a big time influence on my choice of music these last few days, Now I find myself instead of sticking my tongue out and head banging to Marilyn Manson, I am tapping my feet and occasionally having the urge to dance to Glen Miller or Sinatra's tune. I was never a big fan of Jazz and swing but that doesn’t mean I won’t give it a go; and now I slowing getting the “swing” of it all. I have jammed pack my iPod with feet tapping and ass swinging jazz tunes for the fly, so if you are on the same flight with me to New York tonight and if you feel like you have just hit an air bubble, no it is just me listening ,tapping my feet and swinging my ass to Harry Connick Jr. Looks like I have been all jazzed up by the Jazz bug, but someone has been bitten by the typo bug, so we are even now :D
Thanks to Calv for sharing Cafe del Mar's tune, they are great, now I can just lay back and enjoy the flight. I love the song " Love Rain Down"