playing on my iPod:
Photograph - 12 Stones

5 years has passed since it first happened, I was on the verge of my first nervous breakdown when I started to get this peculiar feeling. As time moved by, it never really went away but I guess it lay dormant in me and eats me up in a bit every little while. But now it has returned big time, so serious that I cannot just ignore it or try to cope with it. Every time I hear a text message or a phone call, my heart skips a beat. It was like I am almost certain that it is just tidings of grieve news or something bad has happened. Every time I finished pumping gas and after driving off, I had to stopped to checked if I have closed my gas tank properly; every time I lay down on my hotel room as I try to rest I had to get up to check if I have lock the door; at the mall, when I walking to the place I want to go after I park my car, I have to turn back to see if I have locked my car. When I am home, I wake up in the middle of my sleep to check if there is any stove that I forgot to off in the kitchen. When there is a loud bang, I had to check if everyone in the house is alright. My mind is constantly plague with the thought of something bad is going to happened; even the ringing on my door bell would spark anxiety. These are strange days for me that I cannot explained, this constant feeling of paranoia is eroding me up and I know I am verge of a breakdown. I have been wandering aimlessly around upper Johor state and now I find myself in Segamat, the land of barbecue pig intestine, well that is what I always recall from there. With my current depleting appetite for food, I am certainly not in the mood for any now.