I woke up feeling sick; sick of waking up; sick of opening these eyes; sick of breathing; sick of being here, alive and hopeless and aimless; sick of this pain and this rage; sick of being lock up in my head and the motherfucking air around me feels like cage. But most of all today I really feel sick to my rotten core. My head feels like an anvil that a blacksmith is hammering on; my hands and feet is numb and cold; my lips are cracked and my eyes are blood shot red. In the mist of all these, I know I should feel down but somehow I feel glad because somewhere in all of these, it could be a blessing in disguised; my spirits are lifted because there could be a chance of me suffering a heart or an organ failure that could spell my death; if only one of my major artery or veins just clog up and burst, it will give me a fucking stoke that would send me on a one way trip to Hades, then I would be the happiest man dead. My body felt like fucking crap, thanks mostly to my new found ritual of meditating at the beach; rain or shine, I will be there rotting away from dusk to dawn. And it finally happened; the cold rain that had drenched my clothes crawl through my skin and into my bones leaving me sick as sick can be. I am surprised that I have only gotten down with the sickness after a week of this fucking abuse. But it could also be my vigorous drinking habit that has contributed to it. But my death wish was not about to come true today because as time passed, I feel my strength regaining and once again my mood hit rock bottom. As I lay there on my bed, I look for my alarm clock to my right which I hardly use anymore, only to find the time was 4:44PM. They say that it is a form of luxury to sleep in late on Sundays but today I gave it a whole new fucking meaning.
Even though the day was half way through the afternoon but it was dark and gloomy as if God switched off the fucking sun and cloaked it with the Shroud of Turin. On any other day, I would be working my fucking ass off in my basic yet pathetic gym; bench pressing until I cannot feel my arms and then do crunches until I have this huge searing pain on my abs that leaves me curled up like a ball and with tears in my eyes. But not today, I couldn't even feel any of my fucking limbs and I already in pain. So I headed to the pantry to get something to eat. A huge pack of Lay's potato chips and 2 cans of soda is all I got. Potato chips and soda - the corner stone of every nutritious breakfast; it has the fat and saltiness that my body needs, carbohydrate (I think since it is made out of potato) to keep me full and energized and the sugar from the soda to elevate the blood sugar in my fucking body and to kick start me from this dormant and slump state that I am fucking in.
I sat down on the floor with my back pressed against the wall because I was just too tired to walk back into the other room where the tables and chairs were. As I chow down my bag of processed fats with excessive salt and drain down the watery diabetic fluid, I try to recall what the fuck happened last night, because it was some fucked up shit. I remembered getting a call from E (short for Ibrahim) last night. I was invited to Urban Beach [one of the many pubs that is located at the Beach in Kuantan] for drinks. E and I went way back, he was from another band that I used to play from time to time, not as a member but just as a guest guitarist. His band "Kronos" released an EP two years ago but based on the horrid response. They didn't take the chance of releasing a full length LP. The last I heard he was reshuffling his band and was looking for a fresh deal and opportunity for another release.
So I joined E and another 3 other girls at Urban Beach that night. We weren't totally up for whiskey so we decided to pop the lid off a bottle of Cordon Bleu. At first I thought the 3 girls was the GROs working there but it turned out that there were E's friends and are all working in Kuantan but I have never fucking seen any of them before. Hey come on, I hardly miss any gorgeous ladies that this fucking small town has to offer. One of them had auburn long hair and she tied it all the way back to reveal her almost bare, very low cut "V"shaped top that if you look carefully, you can see everything that is going on inside her blouse; the other wore a decent white short dress, the only un-decent thing about it is that she wasn't wearing any bra, it was a total gave away because when it gets chilly, you can see her nipples get erected; I totally cannot recall what the third girl was wearing but all I can remember is that she smell super fine. These girls was extra friendly but not in a sleazy kind of way. They were total class act. They know when to act classy and when to rub their tits against you and sometimes when the time is right, they will rub your crotch as if they didn't intended to but you know that they purposely wanted to. It was the sexual teasing game at its best and it almost felt like foreplay. So in the semi dark seaside pub with The Pretender's I'll Stand by You playing in the background, I was drinking my night (my life) away with E and getting a hard on, courtesy of the three beautiful ladies. I sure hope that they are actually look pretty because the lack of lighting and the influences of alcohol, they could probably look like the Gorgon sisters and the moment I sober up or the lights comes on I would turn to a fucking stone.
It could be that we were all fucking thirsty because we fucking finished the entire bottle in a blink of an eye. Since the night was still young, we popped another motherfucking bottle. But we slowed down on our second bottle or it could be that the theory of some smart ass in the past was right, that times flies when you are having fun or in this case getting high. It was closing time at Urban Beach and the second bottle was just down by a quarter. Determined to finish the second bottle, we decided to get a room at Hyatt Regency which was just a couple of steps away from there, so that we can truly party the night away and see the bottom of the second bottle. Besides we shouldn't be driving home in our state so that was the best thing to do, get a room and continue on doing what I fucking do best these days - getting wasted.
Because the main lobby of Hyatt Regency was on renovation, we had to fucking walk a little further to another building just to get a room. While going there, I remember seeing E threw up all along the way to the temporary lobby. It reminded me on how Hansel and Gretel left bread crumbs to find their way home; E was leaving trails of his vomit, probably to find his way back to his car. After we got into our room, E was really done for; he said that he couldn't take in any more of that poison, so he took one of the girls (the good smelling one) and retired to another room. What I reckon is that it was just an excuse, because he wanted to stay awake and stuff that girl like a Thanksgiving turkey all night long.
Now it was just me, the two girls and a three quarter full bottle of brandy on the couch. To be frank, these two girls were just sipping their drinks while I was pouring that shit down like gasoline into an empty tank and things was starting to spin in my head. But even so, I was still very aware that the two damsel were starting to fondle each other while peeling off each others clothes right in front of me. I am pretty sure I was still conscious because I can remember exactly how their nipples look like. One of them had the nipples size of an Oreo cookie and the other had the darkest nipples I have ever seen, it was almost black. After they were through rubbing each other off and taking each others clothes off. They started to work their itchy little fingers all over me and before I knew it my pants was already down to my ankle and like a pact of ravenous wild hyenas, they were scouting every inch of my crotch area. Man this was heaven, I had my brandy in one hand, and the fucking bottle on the other, two bitches nibbling and chewing off my dick, this just couldn't get any better. It has been a long time, since I have two ladies cleaning my penis on the same shift; one was sucking like a vacuum machine and the other was tea bagging away. I tilt my head backwards and my chin was facing skyward to indulge in this immoral yet sensual moment. But as I lay there, a sudden gust of gas rushes up my throat and to my nostril and mouth. I close my mouth but it was too late and the outburst of the burp was too strong. And for the second time of my life, I puked all over the girls that were sucking me off. But this time, my puke was all over their face, their hair and some even landed in one of the girl's mouth because I think I saw her spitting it out. I could even see chunks of what I had for dinner caught in one of their fake eye lashes.
There was a pause of silence for a little while for I really didn't know how to react but looking at at their faces and what has just happened, I started to laugh; I laugh so hard. I didn't know why, I just couldn't stop myself laughing even though I knew I shouldn't but I just kept on laughing till tears started to fall and my tummy hurts. I guess temporary insanity has taken over me or maybe it wasn't temporary after all. The girls were in shock at first but then they got furious and grossed out and my laughing just made things worst. They went into the shower without saying anything and left after that I think because when I regain consciousness again, my pants were still down and there was still puke all over me.
I pull my pants up, scrape myself up off the couch and left a note to E to made plans for dinner the next day. I headed back to my studio still covered in puke and the stench of alcohol. I guess there goes my chance of humping the Gorgon sisters. I wonder if I would ever get another chance of having their ankles on my shoulders while I get down on my knees. You know what I still find what happened fucking hilarious every time I recall the look on their funny faces. I am going to let E know about this during dinner, he is so going to flip.