playing on my iPod:
Midnight Train to Memphis - Kid Rock

I am here with Jane - a close friend of mine; maybe not that close, semi-close you might say but what does close really mean to you these days. Our fucking world is constantly changing, flip-flopping all the damn time. A Woman could go to bed and turn into a man the next morning; a rich man could become bankrupt and turn into a fucking beggar in an instance; and a close friend would definitely become a stranger or even a foe given the right circumstances. But the beauty of it all, we are creatures that live in the fucking moment. We can never be as beautiful as we are right now or feel what we are feeling right now; it only gets better or worse as time move on. That is why we all have fucking memory, Like a mirror which is there to give back your face, our memory is there to keep what we lose.

Here we are at Kuantan's Esplanade, a famous fishing spot; reliving Jane's childhood memories. For all the years of her childhood, her dad would bring her here for fishing on Saturday nights when she was just a kid. At that time, there weren't that many lights and there were many young Malay couples who love to congregate at this place just to hit second and third base in the dark. But the fucking local authority placed chorus of streets lamps here and this place lit up like an ass caught on fire. Things have changed after that, people would no longer have to fish in the dark and young Malay couples do not have to make out in the pitch black. They can finally see who or what they are kissing, groping and sucking away.

It is funny how we always wanna try reliving the moment that we miss the most, to get back that feeling even though we certainly and definitely know that it cannot possibility be the same. It's been 1 year after her dad passed away; while he was still alive, they hardly spoke after she moved to KL. Now, every time she comes back to Kuantan, she would go fishing. I don't know whether it is a something ritualistic or it is just grievance that makes her come back here. But I can certainly adhere to her feelings on this. Because I too did the same when my wife pass away, I went to the beach, morning after morning just to watch the sun rise from the sea because that was what my late wife always wanted to see, a perfect sun rise with the one she loved.

Jane recently got her doctorate but she just couldn't feel any different. Its like getting first place but the feeling you feel is like when you came in last. I can totally feel her on this; just like her, I feel like what I have accomplished today is totally nothing and meaningless because there is no one to share with. The person whom I wanted to share this pride is no longer with me. Jane and I didn't really have to talk much but we both know the shit storm that is stirring and raging inside our lives. Right about now I can comfortably say that she is just about as close as a close friend can be to me right now. I have never been game or down with fishing but this fucking beats all the meaningless one night stands that I had.

And so with fucking fishing poles, we fucking cast the hooks into the fucking river just like what the others do and we sat there for hours in silence while we stare blankly into the murky and placid river, waiting for a fish to get its mouth hook. But little do we know that it was never gonna happened because we forget one damn thing - the fucking bait.