From Delhi with Love

In my iPod: Fly From The Inside - Shinedown
[download]
State of mind: alienated
Location: Delhi International, India

All I fucking remember was getting a smile from a hot hochie-momma air stewardess with the tightest top. Her fucking tits was almost exploding outta her blouse. Yeah I might be shameless but I am just not that low as to point my fucking camera at her tits, just so I can show you how fucking volupcious she was. It must be a sign from God telling me that this trip is going to be a "firm" one. After that I must have fucking passed out. The next thing I know I am in another place with another fucking time zone. I think I must be too fucking tired because I hardly had any sleep for the last few days; not because I was excited about the trip but I was just thinking a lot about the people that I was going to leave behind.

It was touchdown Delhi International. Everything seems to be the same up until I notice my fucking surroundings. You see, I fucking come from a multi-racial country and I consider being around napkin niggers and dot heads to be something pretty normal. But where I fucking come from, they are the fucking minority, well, except on Thaipusam day; you'll see a fucking black queue parading up Batu Caves, KL. But here it was like fucking Thaipusam day 24/7, and it is not only one line heading towards one direction; there are every fucking where. Shit on me, I‘m the fucking minority here and seeing so much shit around me, I just cannot help but to feel a little browbeaten.

Since I am all alone here and being all oriental yellow, it is hard for me to fucking blend in and act like one of them locals. So I am constantly reminding myself to lay off the alcohol because I might use racial slur like shit, crap, charcoal, napkin head, dot heads, Slurpee jockey or maybe I might even insult their fucking cricket team which I think holds the death sentence here.

Bearing that in mind, I'm off to Delhi Street where I was fucking told I can get the best and cheapest hotel.

Hey! Hey! Look! Look! A real live one… a Napkin Nigger! Yayy!

xniquet's journey across India

Leaving My Cradle

In my iPod: Broken Road - 12 Stones
[download]
State of mind: Sobering up
Location: Kuantan airport

Coming straight at you from the fucking airport in Kuantan, I am just but moments away from leaving my fucking cradle to a fucking land where napkin niggers and dot heads are the fucking majority. I am still feeling the effect of last night in my fucking brains. My friends threw me a Bon Voyage bash but seriously it was just a lame excuse to fucking drink. We started drinking at 12 am and bodies started hitting the floor as early as 1am. We fucking drain down not Uno, not Dos but Tres bottles of Amigo tequilas and there were only 6 of us. I think in the mist of all the drinking, I fucking had an epiphany and I started blathering out things which I should be saying or doing when I am in India; which led me to realize (now that I am sober) that they are fucking things that could easily get me beaten up or killed in India. But just for the sake of killing some time, I am just going to list out some:

• Call Indians in uniform a Slurpee jockey
• Refer Bengali as napkin nigger and Indian ladies as dot head
• Ask a Bengali on the street in Delhi does he knows when does an Indian boy become an Indian man? If he doesn't know the answer tell him “When he takes his diaper off and puts it on his head.”
• Walk up to a local Hindu while eating a beef burger and ask if he wants a bite...
• Tell a local that I am a born again and I believe in the Father, Son and the Holy Cow…
• Tell a Hindu devotee that their gods are like Pokémon, there are over a hundred of them.
• Wear a tee that says… “ You Worship Cows, I Eat Them”

Yeah I know the above is absurd but what can I say, how cool can you be when you worship livestock with horns? Okay, I fucking lied, I am not sober and I think I still have some alcohol in my fucking veins.

Armed with a fucking mini notebook (which is going to be my only source of entertainment while travelling), I guess this would be my only means of blogging and communicating with my online friends, provided if I could get an internet connection there.

Anyway, I gotta go recharge this shit here, so this is me signing off from Kuantan and probably the next time you hear from me I would be sitting next to some curry boy while blogging. To those I didn't get the chance to say bye to… "Adios and please take good care!" I won't be seeing you in 5 weeks, the plan's changed. See you in half a year.

WTF! my hair isn't fulling dry yet when I reached the airport...

xniquet's journey across India

In Search of My New Hell

In my iPod: Love Hurts - Incubus
[download]
State of mind: Cold
Location: Home

I just couldn't help but to notice that it wasn't my intention to backpack across mysterious India, to see its colorful culture, to gaze upon the wonders that it holds and to live in the gutter amongst them slum dogs. But it was hers; she wanted to fucking taste life in another whole new fucking flavor when all the things that we tend to take for granted are being stripped away, how it is like to live in poverty. It was my angel's dream.

I had promised her that I would take her there one day but that fucking day never came. I kept trying to console my fucking self that I didn't have the time and money to bring her there but what good is it when you finally got the cash and all the fucking time in the world, yet you are all alone, saturated with only grieve, pain, tears, remorse and sadness. All the fucking money in the world can't bring back someone back to life or take you fucking back in time to make things right.

All alone and only equipped with the minimum things that I need so that I may travel light; I know that this fucking pathetic attempt to make things right would not stop the fucking aching and bleeding inside my heart but I still believe in making this journey in her memory.

I wanted to feel like a vagabond that is getting ready to plunge into the unknown, yet there are ones that I just find hard to detach from.

It could be the salty taste that she loves licking every time tears falls from these eyes but I like to think that she is comforting me in her own way.

Last night I told someone who has temporary lost her sense of purpose in life that maybe what she needs is a drastic change. I am not sure if I am ever qualify in giving advices but I only wished her the best in everything. I too have lost my way a long time ago and now I am trying to find my way back by going away from home.

Euthanasia

In my iPod: Armageddon it - Def Leppard
[download]
State of mind: tormented
Location: bed, Home

I know I have been all big on jive talking about how I like to see blood and violence everywhere. How I fucking enjoy watching people get fucking butchered and mutilated beyond recognition; the more painful it seems the better it looks on the screen. With today's CG everything looks so fucking real and it just pure bliss watching people die a horrible death in movies. Even though I like to see it on my TV but seeing and smelling the real thing and watching something that is slowly losing its mortal coil and existence is a whole fucking thing.

Who have ever have guessed that a fucked up queer nut case like me would ever have a single tinge of compassion. But seriously I think I have more compassion toward fluffy animals than the human race but I have not put to that test yet. Only time will tell.

It was the fucking afternoon and I just got my dosage my daily MSN and Facebook needs and was driving back home from my studio. It was rather jam than usual and this don't fucking happen much on a scorching hot Saturday afternoon. (The motherfuckers in Kuantan are like sloths; they would rather stay home and turn up their air condition to the fullest.) When I finally came to the spot where the slow down incurred, I saw a near adolescent dog laying smack right in the middle of the road with its head busted opened wide and there were blood everywhere. It would have seem that someone fucking run over his head ; it was crying and all his limbs was kick and moving in a struggling motion except for the head and brain that was all over the rain. No one did anything, all the fucking cars that passes there swerved to avoid the dog.

I think the dog has been in that state for more than 5 minutes because I was in the jam for that period of time yet no one did anything to ease the dog's suffering. I could have just do as what the rest of those motherfuckers did, close one eye drive back to the comfort of my home and let that poor dog suffer a long and painful death. But something in me tells me it is up to me and not the other fuckers on the road.

At first I wanted to run over it another time just to make sure it dies instantly but what if, it doesn't and I would have added much more pain to it. So I pulled over, came out of my fucking car. Walked up to the dog and with my bare hands, I fucking twisted the neck of the dog as hard as I could and when it stopped moving. I carried it back to my car and placed it at the booth. I went home all covered in blood I quickly disposed the dog's carcass at the vacant land just behind my house.

You know I must have use a whole bottle of body wash and shampoo on me but I can still smell the blood stench on me. Sometimes I can still feel like there is still blood on my hands. I am fucking confused right now; did I do the fucking right thing? If so, why am I feeling like fucking crap right now? There is this searing pain inside my heart and my neck is all choked up and tears just keeps rolling down for no apparent reason. My fucking head feels like it wants to explode even after I have taken so much aspirin and painkillers. I have totally lost my appetite and I total puke out whatever shit I taken in, even the fluids.

I am in fucking pain and I am curl up into a question mark, please answer me this… Is this what you fucking get for trying to be a Good Samaritan?

p.s. At least now I know I won't excel in a career as an undertaker.

p.s.s. I am really feeling like crap right now, I am not sure I need a fucking doctor or a priest right now.

xniquet Goes Green: Happy Earth Day 2009 Motherfuckers!

In my iPod: Waterloo Sunset- Def Leppard
[download]
State of mind: blue
Location: Home

I am fucking sorry I never ever used recycled paper in my whole fucking life; I am sorry I only use high energy consumption light bulbs to light up my fucking porch because that's the fucking way I like it; I am fucking sorry for burning unnecessary petrol and driving to anywhere and everywhere even if it is just walking distance away; I am sorry if I always insist for a plastic bag from the fucking cashier and sometimes asked if I could have more so that I can use it to take to fill in my garbage at home; I am sorry I never off the lights in my house because I've got fucking thick curtains; I am sorry I never switch off the charger because it is faster to just unplugged the phone once it is done. (That would explain why I constantly need to change my charger); I am sorry if my house if full of aerosol cans, what can I do? I am just learning to become a graffiti artist and I fucking need practice; I am sorry if I on the air-conditioning almost 20 hours a day , yes I do leave it on when I am away because it would be insanely unwise and a fucking waste of time to wait for the temperature to lower.

Hell you know what, I felt so ashamed to know that you fools, no…sorry I mean nice environmental friendly people turned off the fucking lights for one fucking hour during earth hour while I was having a light show. I was fucking showing off to my buddies my fucking kickass chandelier that fucking cost me a bomb. But watching it light up like the sun was in my house that night, I quickly forgot how much more electricity bill I had to pay for leaving it on the whole night.

You know what it is hard to be green when you are living in a fucking third world town within a third world country. The nincompoops around you just have no sense of what the hell is recycling, energy conservation and shit things that you Al Gore brownnoser care about. You can't fucking blame me because I live in an environment who thinks going green is nothing but a waste of time and a commercial stunt. But I do respect what all you green fanatics are doing to help save this fucking earth. So here is a token of appreciation to you people, I hope you like the little decoration to the earth's atmosphere my neighbor did on earth day.

Bummer isn't it to know that there are still asshole such as I that spat in your fucking faces? Anyways, Happy Earth Day Motherfuckers!

P.s. don't forget to watch Earth day video that I made for you in the fucking video section way down below. Enjoy !

The Fuck Up Post

In my iPod: Declaration - David Cook
[download]
State of mind: all fuck up
Location: Home

You know sometimes I am fucking proud of my natural aptitude and tomfoolery in getting myself into fuck up situations which most people wouldn't even dream of. Like surviving on 3 cans of Pringles and 3 litters of Pepsi for a whole week (different flavors of course); arguing with a transvestite after groping it's fuck up breast and not paying for it because it didn't feel like what it said it was supposed to (I am not cheap but I ain't gonna pay if I fucking get rip off); jumping down an unfamiliar downhill course without any fucking brakes; my illicit amour with a newly married women that lasted for more than a year and my personal favorite - puking all over two ladies who were giving me head.

If you have been following this blog, you will know the level of forthrightness that I share with my readers. Even though I have been steadily losing readers because of my disregard to the feelings and disrespectfulness to institution of beliefs and order, yet with my head held high I am still proud to say that I am not a fucking pseudo trying to win your approval by sugar coating the truth. I am what I am and I don't not need someone to tell me what I can say and cannot say. So to the newly appointed Information, Communications, and Culture Minister of Malaysia – Rais Yatim – with much honor, I would gladly pull down my pants and bend over , so that you can fucking kiss my hairy ass if you think you can put a muzzle on me. You can't mute me motherfucker!

Sorry for the side track but I had to get it off my fucking chest. As I was saying, I am not fucking ashamed of what I did because fucking up is a fucking part of my life. I believe that by accepting the fact that I am all fucked up and letting it out for the world to see or read, I am able to learn from my past fucking up and be less fucked up in the fucking future of my fuck up existence.

But not today, somehow I am just not in the fucking mood to explicitly explain my fuck up moment. But I 'll give you some clues on how the fuck this fuck up incident fucking happened.

It fucking involves: KFC in the car - greasy fingers - using the palm to shift gear - thinking that I have fucking shifted into reverse gear - turning my head back - car moving forward instead.

You know what, I take back all the nasty things I say about lady drivers because right about now. I am feeling like a fucking scum behind the wheels. Fucking up my barely 6 month old toy is one thing but I felt like a fucking jackass for letting my buddy down because I promised him that I was going to borrow him my car for his wedding day. Fuck man, I am so sorry.

Fuck this crap. So I guess I will be leaving it in the workshop and hoping that I will see a fully restored car when I fucking get back from India.