I am Afraid of America


Wednesday, July 23, 2008


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I am afraid of America, why the fuck is that? Because the last two times I was here I got really sick. The first was when I traveled to Denver to attend a friend’s funeral. I had a fever so fucking bad that after I read my friend’s blog, I dream about his comic character chewing me up over and over again. It was like I was trapped in a comic strip limbo and now this, a bad case of food and cheese overdosed. Imagine all the rich and cheesey food you can ever think off and cramped them in 2 days and this is what you get – food coming out in reverse form the mouth and partial digested food spraying out from your anus. I tell you it ain’t a pretty sight. I really can’t keep up with Cheeseburger Eddy; he is already immune to this type of diet- high fat, high sugar, and high calorie diet. Shit on me, I am beginning to dread America. The land of the freedom - freedom to eat whatever shit you want and then get sick. Just two days of this stomach abuse, I feel constantly full but I just feel like a slump. i hardly have any energy to move. Just like a petrol car that has been filled up with diesel, I am constantly lying down of tiredness, but the weird thing is, I am beginning to develop a craving for more fast food even though I am full. So I guess that is why I am so fucked up right now. I reached my breaking point when Cheeseburger Eddy told me about how the American came up with the world’s most unhealthy Cheeseburger – The Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger – which has about 1000 calorie per burger.

We decided to come up with our own version of it. Instead of using Krispy Kreme donut, we bought some salty Chinese bun or “Ham Jim Peng” from Chinatown to be the bun of the cheeseburger. Here is a little side track, The Salty Chinese bun is a relatively famous bun and is soldin almost all the Chinatown around the world. It is made outta flour and then deep fried in a lot of oil. The name Ham Jim Peng means salty bun is often used to describe the private of a women or vagina. Even though the shape of the bun doesn’t resemble the vagina but scholar argues that the taste of the bun is somewhat similar to the women’s vagina. Of course, only those who have tasted both the bun and the vagina would only know.

Anyway, this is what we come up with, the Ham Jim Peng Cheeseburger which both of us had one each, after which I got real sick and my ass turned into an Iraqi oil well...and in the famous words of Cheeseburger Eddy....THAT IS THE TRUTH with CHEESE ON TOP!