I am Proud to be a Heterosexual Trekkie

I have never been down with the whole Star Trek shit or should I say I have never been much of a Trekkie. Star Trek has never been any appealing to me maybe because it has always been associated with nerds, geeks and losers. Look at the star of the show, the biggest loser of them all - William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk which is so gay in his early years and has the physics of a tub of lard in the later years. Maybe it is the ultra high tech jargon which only an ultra geek can understand or their fucking battle cruiser the USS Enterprise that looks like a fucking “Gasing” (spintop) or maybe the sad and no life fans around the world who dressed up as one of the sci-fi character and gathers at a star trek convention to celebrate the greatest geek movie/series of all time. But I think most of all I think it is because of these really disturbing pictures of Captain Kirk and Captain Spock.




Up until now I thought star trek was associated with geeks, nerds and losers, I didn’t know that there was a gay aspect of it. I think this is Captain Kirk and Spock’s idea of “To boldly go where no heterosexual man has gone before”



Cheeseburger Eddy is really a gem, not only he is old school, and he is really-really old school to a point that he is making it look cool. Look what I found in his pile of reading materials. A video movie guide handbook with reviews and ratings and he has even bookmarked the star trek section. Guess what he even highlighted the movies that he has watched.



While I was waiting for Lisa to reach LA, I had all the time in the world that is why I decided to watch a couple of Cheeseburger eddy’s Star Trek Laser Disc. His collection of Star Trek is almost complete; only 2 movies are missing from his collection. You know, after watching the first 2 Star Trek movies; I was beginning to get the hang of it and I was actually enjoying myself. It was way better than I expected it to be. So with that, I decided to be one of the nerd/geek/loser and set of a mission to boldly do what a normal sane person has not done before, that is to finish the almost entire Star Trek Movie series in a single go which comprised of:

Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
Star Trek: The Search for Spock
Star Trek: The Voyage Home
Star Trek: The Final Frontier
Star Trek: Undiscovered Country
Star Trek: Generations
Star Trek: First Contact
Star Trek: Insurrection
Star Trek: Nemesis

note:I found out that even numbered Star Trek movies are always better than odd ones.


After almost 16 hours of going through a Star Trek Movie Marathon, it finally happened. I think I have finally been converted into a born again Trekkie. Even though most Trekkies prefer to be called Trekkers, I think I will just still stick to the former because I think it is kinda cute. And for the record, I take back calling William Shatner a loser because I think he is a cool loser but that doesn’t change the fact that he is still so gay and also a tub of lard. But this isn't going to stop me from watching Star Trek: The Beginning summer 2009

"hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker"

I said it once but I am going to say it again, Cheeseburger Eddy is so old school. He still owns a perfectly functional Laser Disc player and he has like a couple dozen of Laser Disc in his collection. I mean if you go the national museum of Science here, I bet you could find the exact model which Eddy has here. Lisa for one who is just 19 this year has sure hell never seen or heard what a Laser Disc is, that is why owing to Eddy’s spirit of keep this piece of technology alive, Lisa and I decided to watch a late night movie at home and try to sleep in late. Cheeseburger Eddy has got lots of action movies (mostly Bruce Willis –The Last Boy Scout, Hudson Hawk and all his Die Hard craps)of which wasn’t suitable for us to watch at this time of the night because it would be too loud. So we decided to watch The Usual Suspect instead. I have watched it before but totally forgotten what the story is about but I knew it was a good show. The only part I remembered about the show was when the all the main actors was line up and was supposed to say “ Hand me the fucking keys, you fucking cocksucker!”, which I thought was the most memorable line in the show. And fuck it now I remember why Laser Disc is deader than dead now, because half way into the show , you have to get your ass up and flip the fucking disc to continue on with the show and not to mentioned the Laser Disc is fucking heavy. After the show we sleep in late, at least Lisa did. I couldn’t so I decided to get my ass up and make her some breakfast. So this is what I came up with. Frankfurters, zucchini, carrot and ham wrapped in no crust bread, then dipped in egg and coated with crushed oath meals and fried and Served with cheese squeeze from a tube that looks like toothpaste.





xniquet-wiki article available - Recipe for Ham Bread Roll

MY ASS

The title has got no dual meaning, what you see is what you get, this post is basically a bet gone bad on my side. Having lost a bet to Cheeseburger Eddy, I am a man of my word and so here I present to you on a Wordless Wednesday, the most sacred place on the face on the world, some call it the crack of xniquet, but I just call it MY ASS.

I am Afraid of America

…..

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

CHEESEBURGERING:

O hai, you likes my new template? for more cheeseburgerz misadventure please visit herez, kthxbai!

I am afraid of America, why the fuck is that? Because the last two times I was here I got really sick. The first was when I traveled to Denver to attend a friend’s funeral. I had a fever so fucking bad that after I read my friend’s blog, I dream about his comic character chewing me up over and over again. It was like I was trapped in a comic strip limbo and now this, a bad case of food and cheese overdosed. Imagine all the rich and cheesey food you can ever think off and cramped them in 2 days and this is what you get – food coming out in reverse form the mouth and partial digested food spraying out from your anus. I tell you it ain’t a pretty sight. I really can’t keep up with Cheeseburger Eddy; he is already immune to this type of diet- high fat, high sugar, and high calorie diet. Shit on me, I am beginning to dread America. The land of the freedom - freedom to eat whatever shit you want and then get sick. Just two days of this stomach abuse, I feel constantly full but I just feel like a slump. i hardly have any energy to move. Just like a petrol car that has been filled up with diesel, I am constantly lying down of tiredness, but the weird thing is, I am beginning to develop a craving for more fast food even though I am full. So I guess that is why I am so fucked up right now. I reached my breaking point when Cheeseburger Eddy told me about how the American came up with the world’s most unhealthy Cheeseburger – The Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger – which has about 1000 calorie per burger.

We decided to come up with our own version of it. Instead of using Krispy Kreme donut, we bought some salty Chinese bun or “Ham Jim Peng” from Chinatown to be the bun of the cheeseburger. Here is a little side track, The Salty Chinese bun is a relatively famous bun and is soldin almost all the Chinatown around the world. It is made outta flour and then deep fried in a lot of oil. The name Ham Jim Peng means salty bun is often used to describe the private of a women or vagina. Even though the shape of the bun doesn’t resemble the vagina but scholar argues that the taste of the bun is somewhat similar to the women’s vagina. Of course, only those who have tasted both the bun and the vagina would only know.

Anyway, this is what we come up with, the Ham Jim Peng Cheeseburger which both of us had one each, after which I got real sick and my ass turned into an Iraqi oil well...and in the famous words of Cheeseburger Eddy....THAT IS THE TRUTH with CHEESE ON TOP!

I can't get the hold of her...

My day was great. Cheeseburger Eddy was a great host; with him you are always entertained and well fed. His fridge is like Walmart; there’s pizza, chicken wings and booze for dinner and nachos for supper and unlimited free flow of chocolate, candy, chips and soda. I tell you, if there was a state of emergency and we were trapped in. Instead of dying of hunger or I think we will die of heart attack or diabetes first before we starve to death. I know it is mean to say so, but I really gotta do something to help him change his diet. I don’t wanna see him dig his own grave with a fork and spoon. I had a wonderful rest and I woke up to a wonderful breakfast of cereal with half and half with some kick ass bacon (Americans just loves bacon for breakfast).










The first day at the guitar clinic was great, I was able to follow and carry out all the exercise and I’ve made some friends already. It was one of those days where everything just seems to be going your way, in other words everything was Zen.



















And I have also found out why the fuck I couldn’t connect to MSN all this while: it wasn’t the connection, it wasn’t the program. It was just the stupid Internet explorer set to offline mode. All I fucking need to do is just un-tick it. [*Ma Chow Cibai Hai betul], so I will be back on MSN soon. And the connection here is superb too; I managed to download Bones and Bleach. [Did I tell you that Bones chic is so hot, damn it. Feel like biting her].
















Looks like everything just seem to be going my way, but somehow something is just eating me up. You might think it is the whole engagement thing but to be honest, I have kicked that aside and put that on haul ever since I landed in LA. But I just can’t describe the feeling that I am feeling inside me, like it is eating me inside out. I told Lisa that I would call her every day but I just couldn’t seem to get through to her since last night. I know I am maybe just being too worked up; it’s only been like more than 14 hours 30 minutes since we talked, but somehow, I feel like I owe her that phone call. I have been trying to call her every moment I could when I was at the clinic but the no connection tone is really driving me crazy. I got the ringing percussion in my ear and some Indian guitarist from hell behind my shoulder playing the blues and the phone to the other and I just couldn’t get hold of Lisa, what the fuck is going on? I was thinking why the fuck can’t I get through. My head is messed up big time, I don’t know if I am just trying not to let her down and break my little promise because I know I was going to break a great big promise when I go back. Or am I just missing her and really falling for her? God Damn it, even my iPod is against me, it just keeps on playing songs from The Cure, a band which both of us like. Fuck me….I feel like crap now listening to The Cure’s There is No If and I am not going down alone, so here’s the link to download that song. Go download it, listen to it and join me in feeling crappy okie? Arggggh, I wonder if the lady whose voice is over the line saying “there is no connection “ever get any death threats? If not, she has one now.


*in French but don't bother looking for its translation

No, it isn't a shot gun wedding...

Almost 20 hours of flying half way across the globe I am right where I am supposed to be-the City of Angels. I was expecting for a big change in the climate once I step off the plane at LAX, but to my surprise, it felt kinda like home. Everybody seems to be complaining about the humidity but, I just seem to fit right in. It’s 6 in the evening and Cheeseburger Eddy was supposed to pick me up 30 minutes ago but still no sign of him. Do you still remember having any friend of just never seem to gain any weight, no matter how much he or she eats and they will be like laughing on how you take care of your body, your diet, mock you for taking a diet soda, tempt you by having McDonalds in front of you and also asking you out for a late night supper? No? Lucky you, let me introduce you to Cheeseburger Eddy.



Well, you see, I wasn’t as thin as everyone is when I was young. I was big but not as big as some of the kids these days because I wasn’t a McD junky. I could say that I was overweight when I was in primary school. My grand dad used to pamper me too much with ice creams and candies because he used to own a candy stall but it was burnt down during a fire and then he retired. Makes me wonder if I was going to continue to be overweight even obese if the stall didn’t burn down. Maybe it was God’s way of saving me from being fat by smiting that stall. When I reached 12, my weight problem was starting and I was at the verge of being obese, so my parents started to take care of my diet and also send me for karate classes and got in involve in all sort of sports and finally I was all well tone up when I was in secondary school. I guess basketball was the game that keeps me off the fats while I was in secondary school and also a well kept diet. But after I went to College, I came back looking like an anorexic scarecrow; well, not because I was anorexic but because I spend all my money on drinking rather than food. I have sidetrack too far, now back to Cheeseburger Eddy. That was the name we call that skinny scarecrow, who just loves to eat and eat an eat and just stay so thin. I tell you this bugger’s stomach is like an endless pit. He just keeps going and going and while we are trying to watch our diet, he would like mock us for doing so. Why the name Cheeseburger Eddy, because I think it was at a buffet, he gobble down 12 cheeseburger at a go. Now he is working in a studio as a sound engineer in Pasadena.
The last time I saw him was 2007’s Chinese New Year, he was his usually self and like old times having his favorite Double Cheese Burger in Mickey D’s the last time I saw him But you know you will reap whatever you sow; I was in shock when I meet Cheeseburger Eddy. Looks like all the cheeseburger that he had was resurfacing and stockpiling in his belly. He grew like 2 or 3 fucking times his original size. I know it is mean but I just had to take a picture of his tummy. It is from the side but the front okie? You can imagine how big it is. Like this be a reminder to myself to stay off those Cheeseburgers.


And Oh No’s, I just can’t connect to fucking MSN, I don’t know why, it can’t be the line cause I am able to do other things, which means my fucking MSN program is fried and I think I should reinstall it, maybe later. But I will be on face book chat for the time being. Kuantan is like plagued with Durian, Lisa’s parents has brought like 3 big basket Durian from their orchard for my parents. The only Durian enthusiast in my house is my mum and woa woa, so 3 basket of Durian is just too much. I hope woa woa won’t get sick eating so much Durian. The last time she had fever. My parents and Lisa’s parents seems to be getting along beautifully and it seems they are the ones who are enjoying the engagement more than us. Lisa told me ever since I left, they already been out twice. There is still a lot going in my head at this moment and I just don’t know how to find the words yet. I suppose I will let my rational self take hold of my sanity first before I make another move. I will blog about it later when I am saner.

PS: to those who are shock about the engagement, no this isn’t a shot gun wedding. No one is pregnant if that is what you are thinking :P