So You Think You Can Mosh?

So are you going for a rock concert soon? Is it your first time? As Malaysia rejoices as news of the “SEXY” Avril Lavinge and her boobies is again going to play on the 29 August 2008 which is only 2 DAYS from Malaysia’s NATIONAL DAY. I cannot but to laugh at just how fickle minded the government is, first they say one thing and then they do one thing. But at least this is a favorable decision on their part. It is comforting to know while I am enjoying myself at Nine Inch Nails’ concert in Philadelphia; my friends back in Malaysia are going to have a good time watching Avril. That is why I am going to dedicate this post to those who are going for the concert that night. If you think you are going to do the polish-the- floor-with-your-feet dance that you call shuffle for a rock concert. I urge you to rethink your move before you get beat up senseless for your lameness. Mr. x isn’t much of a dancer but he is willing to teach you the only dance that a true rocker should know – Slam dancing or hardcore dancing or better known as Moshing.

Mosher - a Person who is skilled in the art of Moshing.
Mosh Pit – Is a circle where the Moshers congregate and does all the moshing a.k.a. the hardcore dancing ball room.

Before you learn the Art of Moshing, you must know must at least have some of these pre-requisite:
  • 1 black color band tee
  • 1 pair of baggy jeans
  • Long hair/wig will do
  • Rock/metal music
  • A disregard for other people’s opinions
  • The ability to take a large amount of pain
  • a lot of JD(alcohol) and balls of steels

How to Mosh/Slam dance/Hardcore dance

First you have to be sure that you have met some of the pre-requisite above.

Make sure that you and your partners are about 3 or 4 feet away from each other. Remember, the hardcore dancing ball room floor is like the strip clubs, no touching or groping. But if there is a hot female mosher in the pit, it is okie to cop a feel. If not, hands off your buddy’s crotch/ass you pervert.

Once the band starts playing, proceed to slice the shit out of air using various karate moves you taught yourself or grab invisible money off the ground, or do the vertical-ceiling fan move.

Jump into the air, aiming to have your upper body make contact with another mosher. A collision is the goal here.

Try to be a jackass and be as inconvenience as possible to people around you who are just trying to watch the band.

Remember that in the mist of the slam dancing and all the loud music, accidents might happen which may results in bruises, black eyes, fat lips, broken noses or even a concussion. But it is okie, there are no grunge between Moshers. So everything is still okie even if you have just given a fellow Mosher a hemorrhage. Moshers are really a forgiving breed.

But when someone (who isn’t a Mosher but is there just to watch the band) try to push you away because of your deliberate move in ramming unto him, use your fucking fist to break his fucking glasses or face and then shout “FIGHT” before proceeding into beating the living shit outta his sorry ass.

Practice all the things that I have stated above and you will definitely going to have fun during the concert. Kthanxbai.
PS: here is some good practice music for you
1. Limp Bizkit’s The Propaganda
2. Marilyn Manson’s The Fight Song
All available for download, just click on the song.

What idiots (i.e. organizers, governments, religious group, police) think about moshing.