That bitch finally got the best of me and I have only myself to blame. What you do not know after you left is that I was hiding from the sun once and trying to run from time again because I lost you and I was pouring and drinking like a real man and I went home fucking drunk again. My parents were up when my keys hit the lock, and the clock looked at me just like a devilish bitch, and I saw it in my parents’ eyes, in a couple of hours I will be send away. So in front of my parents, I poured a really tall and strong one and hoping that kingdom will come when I finished drinking it. But it didn’t, just moments after that, my suit case was packed and I was driven off to drinking rehab just like that.
Inside the car with my suitcase and a bible in my hand, I told them I sworn to change my ways, but it was too late and now I am on my way back to rehab again. I thought to myself, with kids and a wife at home and a job in some fucked up factory in an assembly line; I wish I had that life instead of doing nothing and all the money to drink my life away and now I have lost another good thing in my life. You won’t pick up my calls and answer my text and you were leaving on a midnight plane to Perth tomorrow. Right about now, I sure hell wished I could pour another strong one and drink it while this car heads to my rehab.
Months passed and I was sober and back from rehab; I was trying my best to make good with you. But after months and months of phone calls, text messages, emails and endless hours waiting on the MSN; there wasn’t a single news or reply from you. Until after a year that you finally appeared on the MSN again and I clicked on your name and as your window popped up showing your display picture. My heart sank; it was you in a white wedding gown with another man. Without a single word I clicked on the “X” and deleted you off my list and that was the last I ever seen of you.
And it made me realized that’s the way my life is and that’s the way I am, I was never cut out for this, the harder I try, the greater the lost. No more will I ever be a sissy going around looking for happiness, because I no longer believe in happy endings and I never ever let out every ouch of my emotion again and I vow never to be the victim that succumb to the all the emotional breakdown that comes with every bullshit relationship, better them than me. And that was the day I became the x who I am today, a fucked up badass rebel with an attitude who rather breaks someone’s heart than get broken heart.
THIS IS XNIQUET’S BECOMING X
This is the last post under xniquet’s becoming x, what better way than to close off this era o than writing about what this era is actually is about. The Die-ry of xniquet will still be on because they are still a lot to dirty laundry for me to reveal but it will appear in the next era: xniquet’s middle finger technology. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy xniquet’s becoming x but if you don’t dig that, you can suck it.
"The Die-ry of xniquet" will be kept in the hidden section of this blog, it can only be by those who subscribe to this blog's feed or through the hidden button which is found on this blog. The Die-ry of xniquet is a place to get personal with Mr. x, here most of his scandals and skeleton in the closet are brought into the light.
xniquet-wiki article coming soon - Jen
xniquet-wiki article available - Era: becoming x