I Heart Sex Wax: The Best for My Stick

It has been a little over two months and this animal urge inside me just keeps growing and growing. Ever since Lisa came down to LA, I never really have the privacy to explore different pleasures. But now I am finally alone; Just me, my hands, a towel, my long shaft and my newly purchased Sex Wax that I purchase in CaliPORNia - they told me that the wax would do miracles. I breathe heavily as I torn open he wrapper on the Sex Wax ,the words on the label caught my eyes, it says “The Best for your Stick”. Even though it was a warm morning with a temperature of 30’C, I could feel the chill of excitement that gave me goose bumps and left my nipples erected. So I wet my lips with my saliva and swallow the excess as I took the Sex Wax and prepare to rub one in all over my long and hard shaft. Man, I tell you this better give me a good tractor and grip because I pay good money for this shit right here.

FYI, Sex Wax has many uses but none of them are associated with sex or masturbation. Due to the product name, it became extremely popular, even among those who had never ridden a surfboard. And their slogans, "The best for your stick", is really something, it had me going for a while there, until I really found out what it is for. It is generally a wax where surfers rub it on top of their boards to allow better control of their surf board. But some drummers use it on their drum sticks for better grip, that is why I got one of them Sex Wax for our drummer. But for now, it has been too long since that last time I surfed, I just couldn’t wait to catch some wicked waves. You know a good song for me to rub wax all over my shaft and prepare to head out to the sea is Nazareth’s Hair of the Dog [Wondering how it sounds? Download it here]. My alarm clock is set and I just couldn’t wait for the time to turn 5am.

5am and with black caffeine injected into my system and AC/DC‘s Back in Black jacked into my brain, I was on my way to one of Kuantan’s lovely and hidden beach which we call the 3rd Bay which is located west of Methodist Bay. [Not much people know about this hidden beach only a handful of locals know about it, I actually stumble upon it while jungle trekking] My surfing guru Bodi once said that surfing is actually a very tribal and spiritual act and that surfers harvest the energy of the waves. That is why I have decided to adopt a tribal name, something that only my surfer friends can call me – “Kutubandai”. Anyway, Bodi also said that God has a sick sense of humor, and every now and then he likes to show men that how small they are by create a big Kahuna waves that makes your balls feels like raisin. But that isn’t the case today I guess, even up to 9am when Lisa came with my breakfast, the only waves I could catch were just these pathetic child play waves than makes the fake ass man-made waves in Sunway lagoon looks like tsunami waves.

 id=Bummer, I thought I could at least show off in front of Lisa, but just look at how pathetic the waves are…Oh South China Sea where thou art your sting?

 id=Anyway, today I am going to share the anatomy of the waves known to surfers, so if you are planning to take up body surfing, you might wanna read up a bit about this: (refer to the picture below)

1 The Soup
Also known as the “inside”, this is the spot where the waves have already broken down and moves to the beach in a mass of rolling white water or what the Chinese would call it wave flowers. If you haven’t got your surfing cherry popped yet, this is the spot to be for virgin surfers.

2 The Peak
This is where the wave reaches the peak and starts to break. Wait here to catch the waves. It is the unsaid rule for surfers that the surfer closest to the breaking point goes first. If you try cutting in the cue before your time, you might end up with a fat lip and a black eye. Remember to follow the lead of experience surfers, if you don’t know who the fuck is the experience one, don’t worry that means it isn’t you and what the fuck are you even doing here, go back to No.1 the soup, you virgin.

3 The Impact Zone
This is no man’s land, the spot between No. 2 the Peak and No. 1 the Soup. It is the place the most dangerous place to be because this is where the wave unloads majority of its power and you wouldn’t want to be caught in its wrath.

4 The Shoulder
It’s the unbroken part of the wave, usually left of right of the peak. This is the great place for intermediates to practice.

5 The Outside
Located beyond, where waves that is so great that it means your balls feels like raisin type of waves break. What I am saying is this is where the tsunami type of waves will appear. Patience is the key because the big ones are few and far apart, sometimes you might not even get one in one whole day. This place is solely for the elite surfers and also surfers with a death wish like xniquet.

6 The Channel
This is the safe and easiest route to paddle out to the peak and beyond. To safely head out to the peak, always look for darker patch of the water because that means that means water is deeper there and fewer wave breaks there.

So remember to look me up if you are in Kuantan for surfing, I am always ready for a good ride and I plan to start a surfing school too but currently I am only accepting hot chic dressed in bikinis :D