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playing on my iPod:Hells Bells - AC/DC
I am fucking sure that many of you would agree (especially guys) when I say the place of a man in the kitchen is sitting down and enjoy the warm and delicious meal that his woman has toll all day long on the stove to make. But sometimes when the meal is just mediocre, the women should throw in a cold beer just to get some extra loving points, and while they are at it, they might as well throw in a blow job after the meal. Any man would probably agree with me that that would be the best dining experience ever. I am not being a chauvinist or anything, but it is the society that decides that this is actually what man and woman's role should be when it comes to the fucking kitchen: women - cook delicious meal and give the blow job; men - eat delicious meal and take the blow job. Hey don't fucking blame me, blame the fucking system.
But when it comes to the mother fucking grill or barbecue pit; it is a man's world and there is no argument about that. Never send a woman to do a man's work because men are kings of the motherfucking grill; we owned that shit. I bet you heard of the phrase King of the Grill and there is no such a thing as Queen of the Grill. It doesn't fucking exist, so fucking deal with it. And nothing spells macho or manliness like a man who knows how to control his fucking grill. When there is a barbecue, never let any women touch your fucking grill, instead ask them to be seated and watch the grill fucking master go into action.
Remember when there is a barbecue that means it is the best time for you to flex your macho muscle and show off your manliness to keep your flock in line. Did I say flock? What I mean were ladies. That is why, wearing the proper attire is very important. Always wear a black band tee with your favorite rock band's name or logo across your chest. If you have a very muscular arm or better yet tattoo, remember to rip off the sleeve, so that the ladies see how fucking macho you are when you fucking work the grill. But if you are too skinning, too fat or too fair, wear long sleeves with your favorite band name written across it. Think baggy cargo or army short pants to go with a loafers or Crocs (any color except pink). If it is not yet night time and it is still bright, remember to wear some cool shades but when it gets dark, remember to take it off before it becomes too misleading.
And here are some extra barbecue ethics you should adhere to when you are working the motherfucking grill. Hold 12" barbecue tongs (should be in direct measurement of your unit) in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other while listening to some manly music which doesn't include any hip-hop, EMO or boy band shit. Instead some classic hard rock music goes very well with the atmosphere. Here are some songs to get you started, "Queen - Don't Stop Me Now", "Nazareth- Hair of the Dog" "AC/DC - Back in Black" and of course my favorite "The Village People - Macho Man" Remember to bang your head slightly to the music as you wait for the meat to cook but not too much. Lastly, this is very important, every time, I repeat EVERY TIME someone (male or female) comes within 3 meter radius of your fucking grill; say "Careful, it is hot here!" and remember to say it loud and clear so that the ladies sitting far away can hear.
If you follow everything that I have taught you above during a barbecue, there isn't a single fucking doubt that you would be making a lot of ladies sitting there watching you get moist in between their legs. When it comes to serving the food, remember to add a little touch of Gordon Ramsay to it. Garnish it with a little green salad, slices of lime, if you have fish and whip up a little Teriyaki sauce to go with the meat. With all the manliness that you have just displayed while you were working that fucking grill and now the finesse in serving the food, you have not only successfully make the ladies wet to their panties but also melt down their defenses. If she is horny enough, you would just have to go in for the kill and seal the deal. Before the night is through, you would be on your knees with her ankles resting on your shoulders, pumping her like a fucking dumb bell.
Anyway, I wrote this post because I just had a great 2 person home garden barbecue dinner yesterday with someone who refuses to be named for now; but knowing my readers' twisted mind, I would have to say "NO", that person is a SHE and is not a transvestite. Thank you.
We had some fucking chicken...
But when it comes to the mother fucking grill or barbecue pit; it is a man's world and there is no argument about that. Never send a woman to do a man's work because men are kings of the motherfucking grill; we owned that shit. I bet you heard of the phrase King of the Grill and there is no such a thing as Queen of the Grill. It doesn't fucking exist, so fucking deal with it. And nothing spells macho or manliness like a man who knows how to control his fucking grill. When there is a barbecue, never let any women touch your fucking grill, instead ask them to be seated and watch the grill fucking master go into action.
Remember when there is a barbecue that means it is the best time for you to flex your macho muscle and show off your manliness to keep your flock in line. Did I say flock? What I mean were ladies. That is why, wearing the proper attire is very important. Always wear a black band tee with your favorite rock band's name or logo across your chest. If you have a very muscular arm or better yet tattoo, remember to rip off the sleeve, so that the ladies see how fucking macho you are when you fucking work the grill. But if you are too skinning, too fat or too fair, wear long sleeves with your favorite band name written across it. Think baggy cargo or army short pants to go with a loafers or Crocs (any color except pink). If it is not yet night time and it is still bright, remember to wear some cool shades but when it gets dark, remember to take it off before it becomes too misleading.
And here are some extra barbecue ethics you should adhere to when you are working the motherfucking grill. Hold 12" barbecue tongs (should be in direct measurement of your unit) in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other while listening to some manly music which doesn't include any hip-hop, EMO or boy band shit. Instead some classic hard rock music goes very well with the atmosphere. Here are some songs to get you started, "Queen - Don't Stop Me Now", "Nazareth- Hair of the Dog" "AC/DC - Back in Black" and of course my favorite "The Village People - Macho Man" Remember to bang your head slightly to the music as you wait for the meat to cook but not too much. Lastly, this is very important, every time, I repeat EVERY TIME someone (male or female) comes within 3 meter radius of your fucking grill; say "Careful, it is hot here!" and remember to say it loud and clear so that the ladies sitting far away can hear.
If you follow everything that I have taught you above during a barbecue, there isn't a single fucking doubt that you would be making a lot of ladies sitting there watching you get moist in between their legs. When it comes to serving the food, remember to add a little touch of Gordon Ramsay to it. Garnish it with a little green salad, slices of lime, if you have fish and whip up a little Teriyaki sauce to go with the meat. With all the manliness that you have just displayed while you were working that fucking grill and now the finesse in serving the food, you have not only successfully make the ladies wet to their panties but also melt down their defenses. If she is horny enough, you would just have to go in for the kill and seal the deal. Before the night is through, you would be on your knees with her ankles resting on your shoulders, pumping her like a fucking dumb bell.
Anyway, I wrote this post because I just had a great 2 person home garden barbecue dinner yesterday with someone who refuses to be named for now; but knowing my readers' twisted mind, I would have to say "NO", that person is a SHE and is not a transvestite. Thank you.
We had some fucking chicken......and some fucking fish...
...with my motherfucking special home-made Teriyaki sauce.
...with my motherfucking special home-made Teriyaki sauce.