      |
|---|
Let me introduce to my fucking time machine, take a seat, buckle up and let it spread its golden wings. Let’s rewind the cassette to my favorite retro track, so that we can play it while we take the trip as time fades from black to back. So now it’s fucking 1993, Kurt Cobain has just shot his fucking head off with a gun, Guns N Roses hasn’t turned all fucking Chinese Democratic, Metallica was still a rock band and none of the Back Street Boys have pubic hair yet.
I was your average 13 year old kid with average school results. Yeah right, if anyone who knew me back then is reading this, they would know that I lied because modesty was one of my best qualities. You could say that everyone have pretty much figured out my future then based on my academic achievement. It seems that I was destined to have a life of minimum wages, flipping burgers to make ends meet. But how I managed to get through my high school and finally get a college education was still a fucking myth and a miracle even to this day .
Back then, I was just coming out of my Purple Rain cassette daze and into a whole new level of Pearl Jam optical compact disc frenzy which is so fucking cool because you don’t have to fucking rewind or fast forward to get to the song that you fucking like; I was coming out from carrot cut pants and LA Gear sneakers with colorful thick ass shoe laces to deliberately torn straight cuts stone-washed jeans and fucking pair of Dr. Martin’s; I was coming out of using that hair mousse shit on my hair to find the many wonders of hair styling gel but only to find out that our fucking school discipline teacher do not share the same enthusiasm . So like many others who share the love of using that fucking gel substance on our hair during school period, we were to wash out our hair every fucking time there was a fucking spot check. Which makes me wonder did she ever question why all our hair are was always wet when she comes for the spot check? But most of all, I was coming out of from the “I hate girls (are the devils)” phase to the “I fucking love girls (are making me erect)" phase in life. Lust erodes me like cancer and horniness slithers in my vein. As soon as I found out that my penis wasn’t just for pissing, all I wanted to do was sticking it every fucking where; to boldly stick in where no teen my age has.
Her name was Jessica Ong and she was the daughter of a preacher man. It was on a Saturday afternoon, her parents were out visiting church members and I was at her place helping out in arranging chairs for Sunday’s service. But I was really there to help Jessica rearrange her chastity or should I say ours.
So there it was, Jessica, me and the whole fucking church to ourselves and with the fucking God Almighty as our fucking witness, we were ready to fuck in the bible study room. Both of us had no prior experience in fucking but it didn’t stop us from wanting to because we were horny like a couple of bunnies in heat. Even though I was 2 years younger than Jessica but I was the only one who did some sex research; when I say sex research, it wasn’t like reading up on some low life’s blog section on HTML: how to make love. Hell no, the fucking year was 1993 and in Kuantan, we were still a fucking Amish community, there wasn’t any fucking internet. The only thing closest to a sex guide then was the video tape that was wrapped in newspaper hidden in my father’s tool box. Yes, I have spent my hours watching that low grade porno flick, trying to perfect my fucking skills.
So equipped with only the knowledge that has been handed down to me by a fungus filled porno video tape, I was ready to deflower Jessica. I slowly peel off Jessica’s clothes, one by one to reveal her cherry like pink nipples and bushy lawn between her legs. No, Venus was not in fur but this one was in bare skin and she was so motherfucking damn fine that I was on the fucking verge of having a pre-matured spontaneous combustion in my pants but I knew that was all wrong because the guy is suppose to spray his cum on the girls face (I learned that from the porno tape).
So after a little stage one foreplay of tongue crossing, breast groping, nipple twisting and ass spanking, I was ready to move to stage two – licking the bush. So I went down on Jessica and not knowing that I shouldn’t take “licking” the bush literally. I was down there licking my tongue off on Jessica but somehow she didn’t moan or scream (like the girls in the porno flick), in fact she said she didn’t even feel a fucking thing. But I persisted and was determined to find the sweet spot that was going to make her squeal like the girls in that porno flick but it was taking far too long and we had to fucking pull the plug when we heard the church van pulling over.
The next Saturday, I call Jessica to get my second try out but somehow she wasn’t interested in it anymore. That was pretty much how we drifted apart. I was confused about it for a while but you know what I found out later? Motherfucker, did you know there was such a thing call the clitoris and you are suppose to lick that motherfucker instead of the fucking pubic hair. No wonder it tasted like pee and her pubic hair keeps getting stuck on my tongue and teeth. I told a friend about it and he tried to comfort me by saying that maybe the clit was only discovered in the late 90s. Yeah, I know he is a dick but a dick with good intention.
If you ask me how I feel about the whole thing, I would say with much regret... regret that I didn't get to go to stage three where I shove my whole fist into her vagina (just like the porno flick) and then maybe she would be calling out for more (well, the girl in the porno flick did). Technically, I don’t think that incident can be consider as my first time but one thing I know for sure. If I knew back then what I know right now, you know I’ll be the king of fucking the ladies.
P.S. To those who would like to know, stage four is where I am suppose to yank her head by the hair, spit in her mouth and then shove my penis into her mouth all the way. (Hey, I am just following exactly what the porno flick teaches)
P.S.S. For your Information, the title of the porno flick is call “Madam Barbara and the Chamber of Pain”