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So you wanna be cured of your disease which the world call virginity, or you wanna remove all the cobwebs that is beginning to gather around your penis; you have just read x’s guide on how to Kung Fu sex but have no one to try it on; maybe you are just here to make sure what I have here really works by practicing it, because you don’t wanna be hypo-critical. Basically you are looking for a member of the opposite sex (or same sex, if you are a homo) and it involves Sex, Beds, The lack of clothes, Alcohol, Never talking to the person and sometimes a dose of pregnancy. If what you really need is to get laid with some stranger and commitment is the last thing on your mind. You have come to the right place. So what you are saying is you wanna have a one-night stand.Welcome to your Complete Guide to One-Night Standing
Where do I find my one-night stand?
One-night stands are not hard to find, as pathetic, easy, or grief-stricken women are everywhere, ie. bars, clubs, parks, supermarket(if you are looking for MILFs)…etc. Once you have found your one-night stand, you must find a way to approach her with the proposition of sex and at this time it is unwise to make your intentions of never seeing her again known.
Do I get to know my one-night stand better first?
Don't. It will only make you feel bad while you quietly sneak out of her bedroom at six in the morning. A one-night stand relationship is entirely built on Bull-shitting, so remember to bull-shit your way into getting in her pants.
Fuck it already, how do I actually get my one-night stand to fucking one-night stand with me?
Alright, I am not going to be judgmental, but judging you for wanting to read this article, you could either be a nerd with glasses as huge as your monitor who has a level 100 world of warcraft character, an overage virgin who has never touch real boobies or someone who has the look and grace of a road kill. Fear not, help is here. There are simply two method of getting your one-night stand, with or without using special substance method. Further elaboration will be as below:
Without special substance method:
Look for a suitable candidate. Actually, any female is okay. As long as she has a vagina, she passes inspection. Hotness is optional. Now remember: since you're not using special substances to aid your cause, you should probably really lower your standards. Get her to like you. Do this as you would with a girl you would want to have a relationship with. Say you just inherited millions of dollars and have to get it worked out with your grandmother's lawyers so you can start spending it. Explain that your BWM was T-Boned by a drunk driver and your Mercedes is in the shop and you are stuck with your butler’s lousy Proton (Malayisan made car). If you want to get her sympathy, tell her you have an inoperable cancer and will die in a matter of weeks. Remember to buy her plenty of drinks because the more drunk she is, the more believable and impressive your bullshit stories are. You can also try to convince her she's unattractive and that you pity her and is doing her a favor by sleeping with her. These techniques if used properly will ensure that even the most unattractive women will sleep with you the same night you meet them. If everything is going well, find a suitable room to have sex with her in or if she already knows that you don't plan on ever seeing her again, go ahead and do it in a public toilet.
With special substance method:
Find any female. As long as she's single, it's okay. Find the hottest single girl in the world if you want. What you are about to commit is a little something called kidnap and date rape, which is not technically a one-night stand by most counts. The only disadvantage of having a hotter girl is having a tougher time convincing the jury to consider your case for even a second. Buy her one drink. Make sure she likes it, or else you might be wasting your money. Convince her to look away. This can most easily be done by paying a guy who looks like a celebrity to walk by and pointing him out. While she is looking away, slip something into her drink to knock her out cold. When she does, wait for her to slump over into your lap. This is your chance to escort her out and look like you're being friendly by driving her home. Have sex with her cold, unconscious body. Make sure your clean her off afterwards very thoroughly, or else DNA testing will cause you to be caught for sure.
Lastly, my words of wisdom to you, please use protection whether you are practicing the without or with special substance method, but in any case she got pregnant and is looking for a way to trap you into a confession, always use “SHE RAPED ME” as a defense.
Thanks you and have a nice day!
