Cynical Fuck

In my iPod: Stick with Me Baby - R.Plant & A.Krauss
[download]
State of mind: Destructive
Location: Home Gym

[I could feel a tingling sense of sensuality slithering down my spine; it is times like this when a man wished that the one arousing him in such a way comes from his crush. But wait, I smell paw, I open my eyes, only to be greeted by a slimy wet lick on the face courtesy of my dog]

That was the exact thought that went in my head when I woke up to a sunny Friday morning but as I look at my fucking reflection in the mirror somehow there is a fucking huge glooming cloud hanging over my head.

So you say that time is what I have then wouldn't it be I am just living on borrowed? You say there must be some good in my past and I say yesterdays are for fools who try to remember cause good old days weren't always that much better.

Why the fuck should I bother being “creatively inventful” when whatever the fuck I think of, some motherfucker has done it first. What is the fucking use of working my ass off like a human powered hearse when I fucking know that I will be off spending on things that I can't bring along when I am dead? It is sad but true, this is just another line written on this fucked up post in my pathetic and non-existence blog.

[I sit here frozen in motion listening to the sound of crickets playing in my head's built-in iPod (it plays video too but only when I close my eyes). After a long pause... ]

Hey you know what…

I guess someone drank my half filled glass and I am left here dying of thirst. No rabbit's foot is going to save me; instead someone should keep my cut off foot just so that bad luck would follow.

And so it finally happened, I woke up this morning and now I ain't worth nothing but a Cynical Fuck. You know it doesn't take much to be as cynical as me.

... to go with it and you will be a Cynical Fuck like me in no time.

[I sit here comfortably dumb thinking it must be that I missed my medication last night for feeling what I fucking feel right now.]

You and Me and the Devil Makes 3 more to the Gallery

PICTURE 003

Send in by:anonymous

I am sorry because I am unable to locate the email of this sender. I must have accidentally deleted it before I could put it up on this gallery. So to the cool person who send me this picture, if you are reading this, please let me know your name so that I can credit you for this picture. Anyway, thanks for sending me this, even though it is out of focus but I can see you are trying to carve a name or something on your arm. Great effort on the carving but it isn't bloody enough. Good try.

PICTURE 004

Send in by: KiNaDIE Hayrend

Thanks goes to KiNaDIE (cool name), I tried adjusting the gamma but I still can't see the cuts, it looks more like scratches than cuts and it is taken too out of focus. But still thanks for taking the time to send in this pic. If you got more, I would love to see it. Thanks a bunch

PICTURE 005

By: Yours Truly

This is actually my own entry, just to get the fucking ball rolling. It wasn't intended as a wrist cut but i was just trying to see if a broken piece of ceramic can get the work of a razorblade done. and it did, it is nothing too nasty but the cut is pretty deep but it won't be needing stitches. So now you know, you don't need a razor blade to fucking slice your wrist. If you have a mug around just fucking break the handle and it will slash your wrist like butter. I am no professional photographer but here's a little basic tip when you take pictures of your cut wrist, use the macro mode, if the lens is pointed too near your wrist, don't use flash, instead use the daylight to capture a clearer picture.

HALPSSSSS!!!!!! After 3 days of not checking on my own blog, I found out that Photobucket has just lid a fire up my ass, and almost all my pictures that contained sexual position, or any graphical representation of genitals have been taken down because it is in violation of their terms and policies. Talk about getting ass raped, I mean they are just diagrams and drawings of private parts which doesn't suggest perversion (I think). People don't get aroused by looking at them; they get educated and excel in fucking. Motherfuckers would rather go to porn sites to get arouse than see my diagrams and graphical depiction of the best thing in the world - the fucking vagina. But since I am nobody, just a fucking grain of salt on a fucking beach, I am not going to argue and fucking respect their fucked up terms and policies and I'll shall shut the fucking hell up before they fucking delete my account and I have to re-host all the graphic again.

At least I fucking backup all my post , which means I have all the graphics on my local hard disk. So all I need to do is find another site to let me host my pictures that depict the human genitals. If any of you knows any good picture host who isn't as fucking uptight as Photobucket please recommend. I'll be forever be in your fucking debt.

other sent in pictures:

• Ash Wilson

related post:

• how to slit your wrist the right way
• slit your wrists
• the most painless way to commit suicide
• I am a murderer
• Jesus was a suicide
• Warning, Read at your Own Risk

P.S. I finally used flickr to host all my vagina like pictures, therefore The xniquet's Art Gallery is open again.

Confessed Crush

In my iPod: Little by Little - Oasis
State of mind: Comfortably Restless
Location: Methodist Beach Bay

This is my televised secret: I often sometimes am doubtingly convinced that this steel wool heart of mine would never again fall as a preying victim of a confessed crush. But somehow this bountifully deprived feeling of loathing fondness for her is like a placid storm that conjures a fiery blizzard in the very core of me.

You could say that the complex simplicity and dormant violent tendency as bloggers has divided-ly unite the both of us, so much so I'm beginning to believe that maybe the two of us alone together are mis-matchingly compatible for each other and the thought of it slits a smile on my face and fills my entrails with flip-flopping butterflies.

So here I am, not searching for a resolution but just thoughts, thinking all that might have been if we were meant to be and it leaves a pleasant scorge of the sweetest daydream and a taste of what heaven could be.

But as reality sets in and once again I take my place in this great below, I know that I was never cut out for a fairy-tale life of happy endings because my life is an ongoing horror flick with a morbid ending and she deserves so much more than this. So I‘ll keep this beautiful pain locked up deep inside of me; as a reminder that even this broken down washed out soul can still remember how love and affection really feels like.

P.S. I think God woke up on the wrong side of his bed when he made me because I have been suffering from chronic insomnia which gave me only 2 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours (it ain't that bad yet, my best time was 72 hours). Now I'm feeling flustered and torn down almost level with the ground. No matter what the fuck I do, like if I try to lie down, close my eyes and try to sleep or any other thing than sleep, I just feel like puking my fucking guts out. Therefore I am sorry for my lack of enthusiasm to update but somehow this post right here is somewhat different. Most of the time writing a post takes a lot from me because it stimulates feelings, emotions and thoughts that I try hard to suppress. But this post is different, it rejuvenates me instead.

I am sorry the links are not up yet, if you wish to find out more about the art pieces, email me at xniquet@gmail.com

World So Cold

In my iPod: Space Oddity - David Bowie
State of mind: Twisted
Location: Bed

The world is so cold and I can feel it under my skin and inside my bones…

The world is fucking cold when a female politician’s nude pictures get spread around the internet resulting in millions of voters simultaneous having erections and wet dreams (which is good because for once in such a long time in this fucking country, supporters and opposition come together sharing the same common interest - which is to fucking find the dipshit that did this shameful act by detail cross examining the pictures. ) I have seen the fucking pictures yesterday and I must confirm that these pictures falls into the category of voyeurism but does not fall into any porn of what so ever because the picture is showing way too little skin to be consider as porn as Louvelle J. puts in. I don’t see what the big fucking deal about it. It is merely a picture of a lady sleeping with her glasses on. In my opinion there is nothing wrong spreading your legs apart while you sleep to let a little air in to cool down certain areas. I mean who doesn’t? The fucking piece of shit who took those pictures and try to make the victim a sex nympho should be fucking throw into jail; no trial no jury, for taking such distasteful pictures. Every fucking hidden cam junkie should know that when taking picture of the ladies’ private part, her legs should be spread at least 90’ wide to be considered as porn. On second thought we all should just fucking execute him for toying with our expectation, we were expecting something more and now we a left not high n all dry.

The world is so fucking cold when you take a girl out for dinner and all they expect is a night of good fuck. But when you explained to them that you are just too tired and feeling sick to fuck them, they would misunderstand you and think that there is something wrong with their looks and blame it on themselves. You then tell them that you would fuck them only if they let you lie down like a dead fish and let her do all the fucking work but instead they take that as an insult in saying that they suck in sex.

The world is so fucking cold when you refused to kiss some who has just gave you oral pleasure or a round of ass rimming. They just don’t get the hygiene part of it; even in the fucking heat of the moment, going ass to mouth is wrong. They think that I am treating them like a dirty whore but the fact is they just don’t understand that I just don’t want to have a tongue stick into my mouth after it has been to somewhere nasty.

The world is so fucking cold when people just seem to judge you from your cover. Just because you don’t fuck a girl on the third date doesn’t mean you like to put a vagina up on a pedestals and fucking worshipped it like a fucking sacred relic and it most definitely doesn’t make you gay. Life isn’t all about sex, not everyone is a pussy magnet who loves to indulge in fucking. Life is more than butthole pleasures, cunt coated shit stain balls, penis and dildo combo value fuck, pussy juice cocktail, anal dipping and ass rimming buffet. Instead of just cock and ass and tits, we should be more concern about connection and I don’t mean genital connection. But it doesn’t exist in the world that we live in today.

The world so cold…What kind of world am I living in? I can’t feel anything and I don't think I have the fucking will to fucking live in it anymore... or probably it is just my air conditioning turned on full blast since 2 days ago; why didn’t I think of just switching it off?

What I wrote may seem like butt filth to you but I am Van Gogh's missing paint brush and I am here to fucking cum in your fucking brains.

Don't Act like an Angel, Cause You're Falling Again

In my In my iPod: Broken - Seether
State of mind: Mood Poisoning
Location: Study

Our candle burns away, revealing the ashes that were filled with lies; I gave you my heart, my soul and my trust and what you did is cut me from behind. You said you will be there for me and wouldn’t let me fall again. Yet I wonder all the time I shared with you, were you even there at all? Why did you have to go and piss it away? Just when I put my guard away; you left me broken and betrayed, it’s the same old fucking story. The truth is now I’m just scare of the truth and I’m tired of your fucking lies.


You try to reconcile but the thing that goes in my fucking head is that you lie to me and now I am still wondering why? You try to make good but all I can see is the image of the both of you and it makes me wonder if the act of not breaking both of your faces was right? Just so you know the one night stands and random strangers is not about getting even. I have never been big on the whole loveless sex play; I just wanna know how it feels to be on the other end and not the one being cheated on. So...

Even if I had a million acres of land to run away from you but here I am strapped tight to this rocking horse with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Now I am deprive of my conscience thinking maybe I should let you lie to me once again, pretend that everything is gonna be alright, and eventually question myself- is it worth it in the end? Am I closer to wrong and further from right? Should I be convinced that something is wrong with me on the inside?

This is the story of my fucking life: the one that you wanna be with is the one you can’t live with and the ones that you don’t need just seems to be omnipresent.

Valentine gifts from the ones that I don't need right now:
1. Bottle of Merlot
2. Handmade aromatherapy pillow
3. Tumasek Pewter photo frame & chocolate candy
4. Homemade chocolate chip cookie that looks like dung.

These gifts came from 3 separate person which I shall not name. Even though it is common for a guy to receive chocolates and gifts from a girl in Japan on Valentines but seriously I am not from there. You can call me old fashion but it still feels fucking gay for a guy to be receiving gifts on Valentines. So I ain't gonna sit here like a bitch spreading her legs; as much as I don't like it, I think I owe them dinner but not on Valentine's. Just like a sex addict who doesn't want to deflower his wife to be before marriage, I shall keep my Valentine sacred.