Mechanical Bride: Hell Flavoured

First of all, I would like to apologize for the lack of vulgarity in this blog during last week. I mean I just wanted to show my respect to Michael who has just passed away. Hence the lack of shits and fucks in my posts; but I promise to make it up to you this week. Come on, how can xniquetx.blogspot.com be lacking of vulgarity. It is like saying Kentucky Fucking Chicken doesn’t sell fucking chicken or McFuckingDonalds doesn’t have fries. One of the reasons I blog is because I can insert as many shits and fucks into my post as I fucking like. As you can fucking see, I have an ass spanking butt licking new layout. No fucking longer this blog will be known as the Red Grosteskes. But it will be known as “Hell Flavoured : taste like Valentine” and like it’s fucking predecessor , it will have a mirror site. The Red Empress and The Mechanical Bride. So what is the fucking difference bitch, you might ask, I not sure how to tell you yet, but for now, I am just going to tell you that it is just the fucking background color. If you are a fucking cleanliness freak and you are into whites, I suggest you read The Mechanical Bride; if you like nice and dirty, long and black and don’t mind having blurred white lines burned into your retina after reading it, you should fucking dig The Red Empress.

Hell yeah bitches, but what the fuck am I going to get from this “Hell flavoured: taste like Valentine”? I would say that the posts will be more towards looking at things from a different fucking point of view, not the usual ones. A point of view which I don’t fucking usually voice out, take for an instance, what do you think of a guy who is trying to court a girl who has already got a boyfriend? Is he just trying to be an ass and trying to show that he can? Or maybe he is just trying to give the girl another option in letting her choose the right one for her? What about a guy who is cheating with a girl who already got a boyfriend, plays her up and leave her. Is the guy just a regular playa or he is just trying to teach the slut a lesson and let the girl see that her boyfriends is the best. What about a guy seducing someone else’s wife? If he a trying to break up the marriage or he is just trying to give the wife an option if the marriage fails? All these are butt fucking moral issues. To some it is pretty clear cut but to those who score lame ass grades for their fucking moral studies, it is pretty hard for them to determine the right and wrong. Because I believe every fucking thing is arguable.

Things are not always what they seem to be, take the song “Like a Virgin” by Madonna. I bet your fucking ass that all of y’all know the song right? Just by looking and listening to the song, you might have guess that this song is about a virgin having sex for the very first time. But it isn’t. The song Like a Virgin is actually a metaphor for big dicks. The song is talking about a super slut, who is a regular fucking fuck machine. I am talking morning, day and night. All she ever has is dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick and dick. If you ask me how many dicks are there I would say there is a fucking lot of dicks. Till one day, she meets this guy with a huge dick and he fucks her. I mean by this time after having some much dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick and dick, she should have been bubble yum and no dick would have given her any tingle. But this guy she met was giving her serious dick action, that she made her feel something that she has long forgotten – Pain, pain, pain and pain, and hence…Like a Virgin. Amen.

So you see try to look at things from a different view sometime, even the most remote ones, you might find and learn something from there. This could be the Absinthe talking, but you know me …

On another note, Norie and Kenichi is back and we are going to have Fugu (puffer fish) this week, I was going to have it last week but I had to leave for US, so we are doing it this week. For your information, Fugu contains lethal amounts of the poison in the internal organs, especially the liver and ovaries, and also the skin. Therefore, only specially licensed chefs are allowed to prepare and sell fugu to the public, and the consumption of the liver and ovaries is forbidden. However, a number of people die every year from consuming improperly prepared Fugu. This is definitely going to be something that I wanna do before I die.

THE BIG BANG

End of Red Groteskes

something I left for mike

All the picture seems to get this funny flash on that day during the service

I am finally back from US. Things there are pretty much settled, Michael is finally lay to rest in his place of birth and I had my chance to say my last goodbye. After having an almost 20 hours flight time shoved up my ass, it was touchdown Narita Airport early this morning, I manage to get a couple of hours of sleep before I heading to the studio for a meeting today. Now I feel like a whore who has just finished servicing 3,000 black clients. My face is dry and felt like fish scale and my bloody pores are showing. I wonder if all the SKII miracle water and Aloe Vera serum in the world could ever put my face back together again. If a woman loses her voice she will sound like a transvestite, if a man loses his voice he might turn into a baritone, for me now I think I sound like a tranny singing in the baritone section. But the most disturbing thing I found out today is when I stepped on a scale, god damnit I dropped another 3kgs and I haven’t even gain back the ones I lost when I was sick last time. Shit, does that mean I have to give up dreaming of becoming you know who? I must start eating everything in sight to get back my weight.

Anyway, all good things have to come to an end, even the gross, the sick and the grotesque too. This is will be the last post under the red groteskes.

Someone

,

3am and there is no one around, I am left alone to fight my demons, I just wish that the day will keep it's trust, but for now I feel like a car crash, my wheels are turning but I am upside down. I toss and turn but I just cannot sleep, maybe I am just hypnotized and I’m paralyzed by a different beat. I like to think that my whole biological clock is being messed up big time because I was traveling from time zone to time zone, I started at GMT +8, then I moved on to GMT+9, just about I was getting use to it, I had to travel to GMT-5 and by tomorrow I will be in another new time zone again, Central time (GMT-6). I am flying to Denver later today and where finally Mike will be lay to rest in his hometown. I am still tossing and turning and I just can’t ignore the echo of thoughts of what I am going to say at the funeral service. I think I will leave that when I am on the plane to Denver, but for now I am better off drifting into dreamland and thinking about Someone :)

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I Dream like New York

This is my first time in New York; I have always dream of coming here but surely not under these circumstances. I never would have thought that there are so many sorts of people living around in the world until I hit the streets of New York. If New York is a bowl and the people living there is the food, the dish would definitely be a “Rojak” (all mixed up dish). The best thing was when it was just about to rain, suddenly a bunch of people just popped out of nowhere selling umbrellas. A minute ago they weren’t even there but suddenly the streets are filled with umbrella peddlers. Everyone seem to be rushing or trying to catch a train to somewhere, just like Japan, the only difference is in Japan everyone seems to be in a black suit and trying to portray the corporate look, but here everyone seems to be themselves. It kinda reminds me of when I was running the rat race in KL, I didn’t have the spark and fire in me like the people here. So yes, I chase for the train to get to work, from 9 to 5 I only strife only to stay awake. The motivation I had for work was the pay check at the end of the month so that I can pay out my almost maxed out and scratch-fill credit cards. But it was different here, it makes the child inside me dare to dream and believe he can fly. Everyone dreams big here; no wonder it is a great city. Now I really get what Mike mean when he always ask me to dream like New York and aim for the stars.

"How many times, have you tried and failed, have you watch your dreams fade away? Every hero falls, every soldier crawls but remember every dreamer will dream again, there is no failure , unless you quit dreaming, so dream out loud" -Mike

Another thing, there’s street performance almost everywhere like in the train stations, parks, alleys and overpasses. You will get to see and heard all sort of music being played. Especially acoustics. (I simply just love acoustics) This guy Larry Wright the famous street drummer makes about $300 a day as a street musician, If a guy can sit on a stool and bang a bucket for a living, I think I can be one of street musician and try my luck by hitting the streets. I guess it would be interesting, will then you guys about it. Whether I get some spare changes or will I get egg.

Larry Wright bangs the bucket all night long, watch it on YouTube

And Finally to answer the most important question that someone asked me today:

Touchdown JFK

It was really a cold night when I touch the ground at JFK’s. I left at night and after almost 15 hours; I reach New York about midnight just in time to go to bed again. I was so damn exhausted from the flight not because I didn’t sleep; in fact I slept from the start till the end, so much so that I didn’t bother waking up for the meals. But my mind was just sore and tired, thinking about Michael. It was like an emotional rollercoaster ride thinking about the time that we had together and how he was practically the one who given me support and encouragement. He was a superb musician, a great counselor and most of all a friend. He was like a brother that I never had, he was family. I wouldn’t have been doing what I am doing now if it wasn’t his nudge, I would have still be a beach bum back in Kuantan. The last time we spoken was 2 months ago, he sounded so happy. He found someone special and he planned to come visit me and he really wanted me meet his other half. He told me how he misses the midnight surfing at the beach which left us shivering but was easily remedied by the hot Tom Yum Soup by the beach; singing Karaoke at Megamall’s K-box along side with all the other screaming Mat Rockers (I tell you, you don’t usually see an Ang Mor do that at all); having food with the head and face of the food still intact; eating Asian Oyster which was a lame name for SI HAM (Kerang) and eating Durian and washing it down with a bottle of coke (made him puke like hell). He told me that he was ready to do it all over again. But things don’t always turn out the way you wanted it to be. As all these thoughts races across my mind, I felt tight across my chest and I was fighting to breath.

I swear to God, with all the emo shit that is building up in my head, I really couldn’t think straight. With only USD40 in my wallet and the rest was still in Yen, I was trying to find my way to Mike’s church, which was in Manhattan and I do not know what is the fucking distance between it and JFK airport. It could be fucking miles away or just down the block and with just 40 buckaroos I don’t think it can take me very far but I was going to run on faith and get a cab anyway. But thanks to Bunny who knock some sense into me telling me to be safe than sorry. I guess I should withdraw or change some money before taking a cab but before that I called up Mike’s church and thank god there was some one, and they were so kind to send someone over to pick me up. When I reached the church, I didn’t have anywhere to go for the night so they set me up in one of the co-worker’s office; I had the whole couch to myself, it wasn’t very comfortable but it beats being out in the cold. There will be a service for Michael later on today, so I better try to get as much sleep as possible.

Mikey berposing outside a Kbox booth, getting ready to sing our favorite song there, U2’s With or Without You. But instead of singing we ended screaming, cause I didn’t wanna lose to the Malays in the next booth who was screaming Search’s Isabella

I am a Jazz Tap Dancer

As some of you might already know that I am heading to Boulder tonight to attend Michael’s Funeral. I will be off to JFK first, then I am supposed to meet someone from the Metro New York House of Prayer, and they will arrange for me to get to the city of Boulder, Colorado. All my bags are packed and I am just hours away from leaving. Anyway, someone has been a big time influence on my choice of music these last few days, Now I find myself instead of sticking my tongue out and head banging to Marilyn Manson, I am tapping my feet and occasionally having the urge to dance to Glen Miller or Sinatra's tune. I was never a big fan of Jazz and swing but that doesn’t mean I won’t give it a go; and now I slowing getting the “swing” of it all. I have jammed pack my iPod with feet tapping and ass swinging jazz tunes for the fly, so if you are on the same flight with me to New York tonight and if you feel like you have just hit an air bubble, no it is just me listening ,tapping my feet and swinging my ass to Harry Connick Jr. Looks like I have been all jazzed up by the Jazz bug, but someone has been bitten by the typo bug, so we are even now :D

Here's a little something for you Patrick Star Lovers

Thanks to Calv for sharing Cafe del Mar's tune, they are great, now I can just lay back and enjoy the flight. I love the song " Love Rain Down"

How to Fucking Lose Weight

I believe that losing weight is not as complicated as it seems; but some whine and cry about how all the program doesn’t seem to work and how they are just cut out to be overweight. Losing weight just like having sex isn’t rocket science. If you explain this simple weight losing theory to a kid, I bet they will understand it too. The theory is simple.

Calories intake more than Calories Usage

Need I say more? This will only make you fatter and most of us believe that Carbohydrate makes us fat and we follow Aitken’s low Carb-diet, but why are they so many people got fatter after going for the low-Carb diet? Carbohydrate are the food that makes you feel full and satisfy, thus people who uses this diet will tend to eat more of the other stuff to feel satisfy, making the calories intake more than usage.

Calories intake equal Calories Usage

You are going nowhere; might as well gain some weight at least that is also progress.

Calories intake less than Calories Usage

This is the easier way to lost weight, but of course if you want to target a specific area or sculpt your body like say Triple H (Jeng Jeng Jeng, Spit Water), hitting the gym is the best way. Building up muscle and let the muscle eat the fats away. It is the less expensive way of getting a slim figure. But if you have extra cash, you can opt going to so slimming centre to try out their slimming “wanton” wraps.

Now that you know that using weight is easy but the temptation of food and laziness is the killer, start counting your calories intake if you really wanna lose weight. Here’s something to get you started, we all fucking know that sex is an aerobic activity and there are plenty of sources that telling you how much calories you burn while having sex, but they don’t say much about how much calories we burn making the move to have sex.

ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED

Phone sex 9

If:
-Doing it from a car while driving add 22

-While trying to Parallel Park add 80

Respectful rubbing 17

If:

-In the elevator add 30

-Doing it while standing position on a train add 80

Frantic groping 40

If:

-Lights are off add 60

Removing her bra 11

If:
-You can’t figure out how it opens add 50

Buying condoms 6

If:
-You are shy or self-conscious add 55

-You don’t know your size add 108

Talking dirty to each other 16

If:
-In a British accent add 1.5

-In Mandarin add 3

-In Teo Chew add 5

Insert diaphragm 4

If:
-She does it add 14

-He does it add 572

-It pops out add 11

Chasing the popped out diaphragm 67

If:
-Retrieving it from under the bed add 80

-You don’t know where it went and you were going to have sex with someone other than your girlfriend or wife and your girlfriend or wife is coming home in a couple of hours time add 99999999999999999++

BlogTerrorism-INNIT 2020: How Nuffnang's INNIT was Owned

Firstly, sorry for the lack of updates, because I have been really caught up with the upcoming single’ release which is by the end of the first quarter of 2008. I will be heading to Boulder, Colorado this weekend to attend a very close friends funeral. Currently Kenichi is out of town working on another project and Norie is up north visiting her parents. So I pretty much spent my time here working on and whacking off to my own songs.

And my views on the incident that happened in Innit which I like to call it WAWASAN INNIT 2020, you can bring the horse to the water but you can’t make it drink the water. (If you don’t understand what I am saying, just go read about post that whine and cry about that incident and you will understand) Anyway, aren’t you all not a bit curious that all the sex post got the top most post in on that day got 20 Nangs each? My sources said that INNIT had just been owned by a group of “nangers” somewhere who is trying to make a statement. The aftermath is you see people sitting on their back in their tight underwear or panties like their pubic hair is all tangled up, whining, crying and blogging about who pee in their morning breakfast bowl. Yes, the blog has given us the power to whine and cry, bitch, criticized and bad mouth about others, and it sure hell gives us the right to blog about sex and perversion. It really is up to the readers to choose what they wanna read. A very famous person once said, “What good is the internet if not for watching fucked up sex that you never going to have“, I don’t know how true is that but I am sure hell know a lot of people are doing it. If you ask me to choose between a post that talks about sex or a post which is good only for badmouthing or criticizing another human being. I’ll go for the porn man, because I have never believed in talking shit about human being. Because no we are not a unique snowflakes, deep down inside we are all made up of the same organic shit. But it is how we bring ourselves and treat each others that make us stand out from the rest. In other words respect.

Okie, enough whining, *changes tight underwear and straighten tangled pubic hair* I feel like a bitch now, will someone bitch slap me? Time to go back to work…

xniquet-wiki article available - what the hell is Innit

How to get into a Hot Girl’s Good Book...

And then her pants...

Flirt. Flirt shamelessly. Flirt like there is no fucking tomorrow. Flirt like your sperm count depends on it. Stop fearing that rejection because no one is too damn bored enough to observe you. Even fucking losers like the financial accountant, civil servants engineer, or the freaky IT guy have a decent chance of bagging for a night of worth of fun. When you flirt with a gorgeous woman, you will crack them up and it will force them to review why they are seated next to the fat old geezer with the old Mercedes instead. The God-blessed truth is that gorgeous women can’t make out with an expensive car, or their LV bags or smelly cash. So getting it on with a hot woman doesn’t have to be a wet dream. For those guys who think that have to build up themselves before they hit on the girls, let me tell you something, women not are not necessary looking for 1. Solution from you 2. Financial help 3. A ride 4. A husband. They don’t need people to fucking take care of them; they have their secretaries for that. Yes, there still women who thinks that they have a better chance of getting hit by a lightning than marrying after the age of 35, but something has changed. Women are like low hanging fruits waiting to be grabbed. Their selections ranged from the waitress, the office ladies, the undergrads and yes even the pole dancers. If you have self confidence issue, try flirting with the waitress first – just for warm up. Next time when you see her coming, tell her you couldn’t help but notice that she holds the bottle charmingly. When we flirt, the women whether they admit it or not – are thrilled by it and trust me, they will remember you for it. They enjoy it, desire it and crave it. There is a naughty little Paris Hilton in all of them - if you know how to smoke her out. Crucial note: There is a supra vast difference between smart, funny jokes that tease girls and sleazy, gutting-turning sexual offers that makes the girls run back to their parents. There is nothing more pathetic than a man who laughs at his own jokes. Remember brothers, CONFIDENCE does not equate COMPETENCE. So just be yourself, drop those thoughts of writing love poems or songs, sending 9,999 roses’ bullshit and grow some sense of humor because it is not the lovey-dovey or rich guy who always gets the girl, the funny one always does.

Well, people I have been sick yesterday and today, I had to take a break and stay home even though there is crap load of mixing work to be done in the studio. Norie is back with her bf for the weekend, so that pretty much leaves me, myself and I. So much so that I even have time to write the piece of self help crap above. I haven’t been going out these days, so there is any updates on my dirty sex-capes in Tokyo but I am going to have Fugu this week, so it would be a rather interesting first for me and I hope I won’t die before I get the chance to post about it. *Sips a mouth full of instant Miso soup, crosses fingers and starts recovering *